[ It rips through like stray shrapnel, the shot you didn't see coming, the artery that it hits, the shock that sets in as you stare down at the gaping wound and the crimson wet on your hand. one moment, his family is whole, save for jessica's distant sleeping mind, and the next, one is violently, harshly, cruelly ripped away. it's the words from lee's mouth all over again "there was an accident. kara's gone." it's watching jean's body hit the floor, and feeling desperately for a pulse, to find none. floor pulled out from under him.

sam cries out, behind the console he'd been hastily tapping at, set to picking through security systems and dismantling the checkpoints one by one by one to get their infiltration team through. it all goes starkly out of focus when that flash of white and piercing agony takes hostile control of his mind. hands to the side of his head, sam's doubled over as if some invisible spike had just been jabbed straight through his skull, one temple to the other, but luckily he didn't come to this room alone, one of the others from the nest nearby. he'd opened himself up to the brood, to this connection, welcomed it and lost himself to what bound them all together, and now, to have one piece of it torn away like limb severed, jagged, scorching and throbbing with nerve endings still screaming, is the deepest pain his mind can recall right now. ]

No, nonono, Gods no-- [ he's rambling with a strain in his voice and moisture stinging his eyes, hands pressed to the cold tile as he kneels on the floor, now. sirens blare to life shortly after, but sam's not responding as of yet. someone's going to need to give him a hand getting the hell out of here, considering the two of you are definitely not supposed to be here, doing what it was you were doing. ]

[ with the loss of one of their own so fresh, and so soon after jessica fell silent, sam's uncharacteristically still and absolutely quiet, as the others get back. he hasn't done anything since the infiltration team got back to the flat, faster than those from the Bout It Out match, and Sam hasn't moved from where he stands, staring at the elevator door. Waiting, for the rest of his brood to come back. as if he needs to check with his own eyes that they're there, hear it from their own mouths that one of them is gone.

the moment one of them steps through, he'll be stepping forward, a hand reaching out to touch a shoulder, a cheek, the side of their head over the dust of rubble and explosion, or to pull into an embrace. he doesn't know what else to do with himself. can't start to plot for a next move or consider the rest of what's happened until this is done. ]

[ after having had time to be with the rest of Castor, to see that Ren's put somewhere comfortable and looked after, it still takes some time for sam to make it back out to the commons area, and find a seat on the couch, behind all the mess of computer parts and wires that he'd set up with Angel. his eyes skim over it aimlessly, a deep feeling of hollowness settled in him. at a loss, after such a crushing failure. ]

Now what? [ he's asking to the room at large, no one in particular. he'd likely missed much of the debriefing and news due to wanting to attend to his broodmates first. lee or kara would say get yourself together, there's still a fight to finish. but he'd never been a soldier at heart, not like them. he'd joined because he needed to do something with himself, needed to be part of kara was before she'd gone. it was never something that truly suited him, even with the resistance and the insurrection.

find another starting point, keep going. he knows that's the logic, but where does all of this leave them now? ]