[Odd that they should come to this moment. Lexa recalls standing in a tent mere moments before Mount Weather prepared to launch a missile toward TonDC to kill hundreds there. Octavia had been outside. Indra, one of her most trusted generals, had been outside. Even so, she had made the choice, and Clarke had made the choice, and they left together with the mindset of returning and giving hope. Here, there are no inspirational leaders. There are those all the people in the Nest seem to care for (Angel) and those who may earn everyone's protection (Sam, the boy who also calls himself Nova). But there are no leaders who will sweep in and save the day by merely providing the morale necessary.
As someone raised to believe in her leadership skills above all else, she has seen this gaping hole from the very beginning. Her first urge had been to patch it over with herself, but she recognizes the value of compromise. While many of the people here do respect her experience and efforts toward her people, they are not her people. Only Bellamy is her people, one remaining individual from a group of thousands. And he is reluctant, to say the least.
The flicker of thoughts about his death leaves her unwavering. She remains stoic as she thinks through them and recognizes them, pausing only when he reaches Lincoln. He had been a part of Trikru, a part of her original people, a boy training to be a scout when she had been brought to Polis. There is some hesitation as she considers that, and her mind slips to Luna, who had always been closer to him. If he had gone with her instead of trying to forge a better way for their people, would he have lived? She knows (knows through reports from others, knows because Lincoln had always struggled under the weight of what her people consider to be strength) that he had considered leaving. That he had the means to leaving. But he never left.
Her thoughts are a sort of eulogy shared with Bellamy before they swing back toward the point. Somehow, she doesn't think to blame him: if nothing else, she knows that Bellamy would not hurt Lincoln. It would not have been a strike by his hand. A month ago, would she have felt the same way?
(She knows the truth to that answer: it's a simple no.)]
We are at war. [Back to his quarters, back to where they are, sitting in a place that isn't so different from where she had been with Clarke. It's just as intimate, with her given more space between herself and him. At that moment, she already knew the stirrings of her feelings for Clarke, but they weren't as important as the war at hand. Nothing like that can ever be the same for Bellamy, but she knows that she respects him, like it's a point of acceptance long since passed, perhaps solidified the moment his hand slipped into hers and he showed her the remainder of her home.]
We left one war and entered another. You would not have been there if the owner of that company hadn't withheld information. The people of this world do not know that they are a part of our war, but they fight their own.
[Her words are callous, yet ones she believes in entirely. Death is not always the means to an end. Since she has joined the Nest, she has maintained that thought: her last resort is death, almost like a living, breathing promise to Clarke. But there are times when it may come.
Besides:]
You didn't mean to kill him. You'll be more careful in the future.
[None of them are trained because they are all expendable pawns waiting to be rescued while they fight their war poorly.]
no subject
As someone raised to believe in her leadership skills above all else, she has seen this gaping hole from the very beginning. Her first urge had been to patch it over with herself, but she recognizes the value of compromise. While many of the people here do respect her experience and efforts toward her people, they are not her people. Only Bellamy is her people, one remaining individual from a group of thousands. And he is reluctant, to say the least.
The flicker of thoughts about his death leaves her unwavering. She remains stoic as she thinks through them and recognizes them, pausing only when he reaches Lincoln. He had been a part of Trikru, a part of her original people, a boy training to be a scout when she had been brought to Polis. There is some hesitation as she considers that, and her mind slips to Luna, who had always been closer to him. If he had gone with her instead of trying to forge a better way for their people, would he have lived? She knows (knows through reports from others, knows because Lincoln had always struggled under the weight of what her people consider to be strength) that he had considered leaving. That he had the means to leaving. But he never left.
Her thoughts are a sort of eulogy shared with Bellamy before they swing back toward the point. Somehow, she doesn't think to blame him: if nothing else, she knows that Bellamy would not hurt Lincoln. It would not have been a strike by his hand. A month ago, would she have felt the same way?
(She knows the truth to that answer: it's a simple no.)]
We are at war. [Back to his quarters, back to where they are, sitting in a place that isn't so different from where she had been with Clarke. It's just as intimate, with her given more space between herself and him. At that moment, she already knew the stirrings of her feelings for Clarke, but they weren't as important as the war at hand. Nothing like that can ever be the same for Bellamy, but she knows that she respects him, like it's a point of acceptance long since passed, perhaps solidified the moment his hand slipped into hers and he showed her the remainder of her home.]
We left one war and entered another. You would not have been there if the owner of that company hadn't withheld information. The people of this world do not know that they are a part of our war, but they fight their own.
[Her words are callous, yet ones she believes in entirely. Death is not always the means to an end. Since she has joined the Nest, she has maintained that thought: her last resort is death, almost like a living, breathing promise to Clarke. But there are times when it may come.
Besides:]
You didn't mean to kill him. You'll be more careful in the future.
[None of them are trained because they are all expendable pawns waiting to be rescued while they fight their war poorly.]