[Because while he's always had to be in control, sometimes... it hurts. Sometimes it's so hard. But Allura made it clear. He has to be the leader. He has to have his brain in order, his exterior has to be pulled together.]
[But it's all falling apart the longer the reassurances go on. It's starting to crumble and there are cracks showing, raw and ragged like the scars all over his body that he doesn't remember bearing before. Oozing ugly images like blood.]
[He has never... heard someone talk so frankly about what keeps running through his mind. What keeps tearing his attention away from situations where it might be needed. He didn't even know it was something that happened to anyone else. To someone who hadn't been through what the Galra put him through.]
[... why did you think a monster like you ... broken and reformed ...]
[It's there in a flash and smashing into his chest like a physical blow, the way that voice had echoed through his head and squeezed out any trace of calm confidence. Because why did he think he was special, why did he think he had any hope of overcoming anything, why did--]
[You're not alone.]
[And he doesn't have to be.]
[The cracks widen with sharp stabs of some emotion he can't name, and he has no idea how much is screaming out of him. How much of anything he's bleeding everywhere. Not alone... it never even seemed possible. And suddenly his eyes ache with clouding moisture he doesn't remember having a chance, having time, or space to feel before.]
I ... I didn't know... I didn't think it -- I didn't know.
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[Because while he's always had to be in control, sometimes... it hurts. Sometimes it's so hard. But Allura made it clear. He has to be the leader. He has to have his brain in order, his exterior has to be pulled together.]
[But it's all falling apart the longer the reassurances go on. It's starting to crumble and there are cracks showing, raw and ragged like the scars all over his body that he doesn't remember bearing before. Oozing ugly images like blood.]
[He has never... heard someone talk so frankly about what keeps running through his mind. What keeps tearing his attention away from situations where it might be needed. He didn't even know it was something that happened to anyone else. To someone who hadn't been through what the Galra put him through.]
[... why did you think a monster like you ... broken and reformed ...]
[It's there in a flash and smashing into his chest like a physical blow, the way that voice had echoed through his head and squeezed out any trace of calm confidence. Because why did he think he was special, why did he think he had any hope of overcoming anything, why did--]
[You're not alone.]
[And he doesn't have to be.]
[The cracks widen with sharp stabs of some emotion he can't name, and he has no idea how much is screaming out of him. How much of anything he's bleeding everywhere. Not alone... it never even seemed possible. And suddenly his eyes ache with clouding moisture he doesn't remember having a chance, having time, or space to feel before.]
I ... I didn't know... I didn't think it -- I didn't know.