mental link, day...36? sure.

[headinjuries]

[ Technically, it came up a few days ago, but Sam's been letting something bounce around in his head to see if the possibility gets less troublesome after he sleeps on it. And sleeps on it a couple more times.

or he's just saying it late so the newbies can hear it too, w/e

It's not getting any less freaky. So, out of left field: ]

( So if aliens can hack our emotions, do we...actually know they can't mess with everything else? Memories? Are we actually who we think we are?

What if there is no spoon? )

Comments

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Sam starts to relax as well, rolling his shoulders out again as he breathes. It's almost a relief, getting this out in the open. They both know the kind of things that the Winter Soldier's done, how dangerous he can be, and pretending otherwise had never been Sam’s intention.

Maybe it should feel strange, when friendship means 'I'll stop you if you need to be stopped,' but that's been Sam’s kind of friendship since he came back from the war. Knowing that the other person had your back, no matter what, even if others might not exactly understand it. It's a relief to know that he and Bucky are on the same page.

Although Sam suspects he might be a little more determined to see it as a last resort than Bucky is, a little more willing to put himself in between the Winter Soldier and someone else if it comes down to it, but that's all right.

There's an edge of protectiveness in the warmth that spills from Sam’s side of the mental link, equal parts I'd protect them from you and I'll protect you from anything, even yourself. ]

You're worth all of this, to me. Have been since I first started looking for you. I know it's hard to believe that, hard to belive in yourself, but it's okay. I'll believe enough for both of us, for now. And I got your back, no matter what.

[bracchium]

[The protectiveness spreading through the link is familiar and Bucky lets it through the open doors of his mind, though it feels suddenly too warm, too much. That's familiar, too, like after Sam gave him his challenge coin. It's so so deeply uncomfortable to feel good; he'd be fine with neutral affect 24/7. The following sentiment augments the heat prickling at his eyes.

Part of him hates all these feelings and emotions, so much color when he's used to black and white. The rest of him snatches up every last piece of happiness, like a child, as if it might disappear in a moment.

Bucky twists his mouth to the side and nods.]

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Sam's quiet for a moment, just focused on breathing and letting this new facet of their relationship settle into place. It's easier than maybe it should be, but for Sam, this is already something that's been at the back of his mind. Maybe it'll hit him later, when it sinks it that it's no longer just something that might be a possibility, it's a promise - or hell, if Steve ever finds out.

But for now, it's good, they're good, and Sam can feel himself relaxing after the adrenaline of the fight. He can feel that uncertainty that Bucky's feeling, too, though he doesn't pull back on the warmth just yet. ]

You've been stuck alone with what's going on in your head for way too damn long, far as I'm concerned, and that's gonna change, all right? I'm not going anywhere. But I remember there were times when I just wanted everyone to get the hell out of my face, so if you start feeling like you need some space, just let me know.

[bracchium]

[Bucky breathes in and out at a steady pace, trying to not allow too much of his distress from leaking into the link. They have enough of a negative feedback loop without adding more. Everything about this oath, this promise is different and wrong and everything the weapon could never ask for, could never hope for, could never keep.

And Sam keeps building up more. Bucky never really got to say no or tell someone to get out of his space before.] Am I allowed to say 'now?'

[Because he would really, really like to.]

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ That kind of question isn't surprising, really, not when Sam's seen some of the programming in Bucky's head first hand. Doesn't make it any less of a punch in the gut when it comes, though. He keeps his thoughts behind his shields, but seriously, fuck Hydra and anyone who ever looked at this boy and thought to make him into a weapon. ]

You're allowed to say anything, that includes telling me no or to kiss your ass or whatever the hell else you feel like. You can do anything you want with me, man, all you gotta do is ask. [ He lets his shields go just enough for his sincerity to bleed through, and then he sinks back below his layer of clouds. ]

You know I got no problem telling you how it is, I like it when you do the same with me. How about I back the hell off for now, and you give me a shout if you need something?

[bracchium]

[You're allowed to say anything. Anything. Yes or no or kiss my ass or get out. Bucky's gaze snaps up to Sam, despite the programming still screeching in his ear to keep his gaze down, because eye contact implies equality and a weapon is not equal. A weapon does not get a say in how its handled. And yet, he's now allowed to say anything. He doesn't know if that's an ongoing permission or a one-time opportunity--- he hates that he has to figure the timing out, that his head doesn't seem to know what it wants--- but the sincerity bleeding through the link soaks into Bucky's skin. Sam means it. Sam means every word about letting him say what he wants.

Might as well use it now.] Get out, Wilson.

[Last names are very military and another name is difficult for Bucky to keep track of, but hell if it doesn't feel fantastic.] And thanks.

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ He meets Bucky's gaze, calm and steady, no different than he would with anyone else. This has got to be hard as hell for Bucky, Sam can't even begin to know how much - well, he could, but he doesn't want to pry into Bucky's head to feel it anymore than Bucky wants him there - so the best he can do is keep treating Bucky like normal. Keep giving him space to be normal, to make decisions and sass off and have as much agency as he can.

Sam smiles, somewhere between pleased and proud and edging just a little bit into a cocky smirk as he gives a half-assed salute with his middle finger. ] Kiss my ass, Barnes.

[ There's a trickle of something softer across the mental link, though, something like anytime, as he turns on his heel to leave. ]