[backdated to day 44: mental link]

[adamance]

[Withholding information had not been Lexa's goal, but she had wanted to thoroughly research what she could before she brought it to the rest of the Nest. For that reason, Lexa has been busy, but has been careful not to reveal what she has in hand until she's ready. Even as she prepares to speak to the Nest, she's not completely prepared, and there's a sense of agitation over this.

By now, she already knows the results of them following Ven, but they haven't yet received the information they require. Why they didn't take the opportunity is bothersome in and of itself, but there is little that she can change about that. It's about moving forward, and it's not as if she has the fullest degree of faith in the Nest. Nothing changes that.]

( Today, I'd like to speak to you all about the results of our meeting with Mind Life. The conversations we had prior to this meeting with the hacker group that privately contacted us may have been accurate on this front. ) [She deliberates revealing what she told them about their goals, but decides against it: Mind Life's desperation to remain stagnant and inactive is worrisome, to say the least.] ( They have their hearts in the right place, but not their minds. I'd say it's ironic given the name of their organization, but not surprising. They prefer passive communication over action. Their idealism may be worthwhile, but they have little help to offer because they refuse to make a show of any aggression.

As a result, our only boon from them is a list of people who they deem trustworthy. Or untrustworthy. Unsurprisingly, Saffit is on the list of unsavory individuals. She doubts that even the untrustworthy men could be behind the bombings, but we may come to see her perspective as one of denial given her unwillingness to act.

I've done the beginning search into many of the other individuals named, but I cannot be as thorough as any of our technical people. Trust that I will not be handing over this list lightly, and that the contents of it will not be available to everyone in the Nest. I would rather prevent any reactionary behavior as a result of what Sheena Frey chose to write down. ) [If anything, she refuses to share everything on the list with the Nest. She may give names, or an idea of whether or not someone is on the list, but she doesn't want any of the Hosts to set out on a crusade.

Especially when she can barely trust Sheena's judgment.]

Comments

[adamance]

[Is there a way to say what she's about to say without sounding unsettling?

Probably not.]

( I'm aware. )

[greentech]

( I don't think we've actually met.

What's your name? )

[ Creeeepy. ]

[greentech]

( I guess. I'll keep an eye out. )

[adamance]

( My own broodmate leads the charge. This is not a matter of knowledge. I believe there are other factors in play, ones that I haven't yet discerned. )

[She accused Hux of acting according to his guilt. In truth, she doesn't think that's what it is, but she had been trying to pry out his true reasoning.

To no avail.]

( But for those of you who don't know me—you are, oddly enough, being the most reasonable.

As for the research, I'm requesting Sam Ander's assistance. But it may prove difficult in keeping the information from the very unpredictable presences that I had singled out in the first place. ) [What if half of Castor was as likable as the other half of Castor?]

private.

[snaphiss]

[Not gonna talk about it!!!]

( I said I'd keep it in mind. )

[adamance]

( No, but I was aware of your involvement in the beginning stages of Bruce's investigation into Vdova. Besides, we do live in the same building.

I am Lexa. )

[Plus, there's the whole matter of ... knowing when people arrive.

It's annoying, but yes, creepy.]

[adamance]

( So long as you're no longer continuing the habit of thinking every word that comes from my mouth is meant to persecute you in some way.

There are enough lining up for that. )

[Murphy can be annoying all he wants. She could start an argument with him here, but doesn't really see the value in it.]

[wrackful]

[A slightly incredulous kind of amusement rises. If that's what she thought he'd been doing, she had a really poor perception of him. But then, that wasn't unusual. He doesn't bother arguing it, just responds, dry:]

( Yeah, maybe I should tell them what it's really like to be persecuted by you and your people. )

[nirsighted]

[No words filter through - not new ones anyway. Under the garbled, crumbling footing sense of fear there's an echo of a not so distant memory: that first real conversation they'd had in the low light of the late night common room, the glitter of some holographic game device between them. They'd talked about this before, hadn't they? About how keeping information secret could be dangerous.

It makes him nervous.]

[adamance]

( I'm given to understand that your people are guilty of the same. Otherwise, my people may not have found you.

That said, I realize Titus had cause to not mention it, but your people and my people are one and the same. )

[This is not a casual "btw I'm your boss," but she certainly took the opportunity to drop it there.]

[adamance]

[There is a sense that she disagrees—that this is different, with different machinations. Not meant to be widespread, but limited, turned into something else because of the responses of those at hand. She can't conclude much else, only what she can see for now.

And what she sees may be through a tunnel, blind to everything around her, but she's not so blind to the consequences of her actions here.]

[wrackful]

( You mean before he killed himself and left me with Ontari? No, he didn't mention much, but she had a lot to say about what was going to happen to my people. )

[deployed]

( Withholding it might do more harm than good. )

[ Disharmony within the Nest is inevitable, but already the cacophony of affront is hard to ignore. Bellamy would be more irritated about her secrecy as well, if he didn't recognize that the level of scrutiny she's looking for is well above his skill level.

And if he didn't trust her. But the matter of trust is harder for him to unsnarl and square with than the more pragmatic view of events. ]

( Do you have people in mind to look into the names? )

private

[greentech]

( I'm just saying that you can't possibly be oblivious to how you come off. )

[greentech]

( I'm Pidge. Or Katie. Either works. )

[ She actually feels comfortable enough to not just give her 'fake' name. Go her. ]

private.

[snaphiss]

( I've never cared what others thought of me, true. But you're saying I act like a self-obsessed idiot with delusions of grandeur. )

[adamance]

[A sore point, given what happened, but she presses on regardless:]

( Bellamy showed me some of the ruins left of Polis. Ontari never ascended.

I'm given to understand that Clarke is the new Commander in all but the permanence of being a nightblood. Clarke would never abandon her people, just as I wouldn't. )

[adamance]

( Yes. You're included. )

[As if there was any doubt. He is, if nothing else, her closest confidant. It's a weird arrangement, but it is better to acknowledge it for what it is these days.

She remembers her fury toward him upon his arrival, but it is absent now.

(Even if he can still be irritating.)]

[adamance]

[To her, "Pidge" sounds like a nickname, and Lexa is not fond of them.]

( Katie, then. I'll remember that. )

[decommission]

[ The explanation doesn't necessarily surprise him so much as it disturbs him. They've spoken before of Ren's devotion to Catheway, but hearing the rest... ]

( We can keep an eye on him down here, make sure he's not getting more encouragement. He's not - he doesn't plan these things ahead. It's always been in the spur of the moment that he's gone off the deep end. )

[ Which is part of why Steve's less worried about Ren having the list than he is about keeping him in the dark. Plus, it's like Lexa said. You tell him one thing he disagrees with and the guy pushes back. ]

( But now you've got me worried about what's gonna happen once we're back on the Station. )

[ Ren's going to be in for a rude awakening if he goes as far as to attempt to usurp the Prince's place in Catheway's world. ]

[wrackful]

( You seriously believe the grounders are going to follow Clarke. )

[It's a burst of incredulity that dims, quickly, into a bitter amusement. He can't figure out if it's delusion or naivete, hadn't expected either from her, but maybe being here had made her crazy already.]

( There weren't any of your people when she took the flame. ALIE had basically all of them, because they'd all listened to Ontari and taken chips. Clarke wasn't commander of anything. Just like you are here. )

[adamance]

( At the time of my death, I would agree with you. )

[The words hang in the link between them long enough.]

( But my people recognize strength. They will know what she managed to do for them, and recognize her for it. Will there be some who are reluctant? Yes, but I think they are far more willing to change than many give them credit for. )

[Including Titus. The thought of her teacher and his betrayal is still a sore point, complete with the ache of the memory of their last conversation, her provided smile as she accepted he did all that he could because he cared for her. Looking back on it, it feels foolish to have believed in him as she did.]

[adamance]

( I fear many outcomes. That he may act on her behalf without her asking. Many of us are suspicious of our roles as Hosts. It hasn't been difficult for me to find who does and doesn't align strongly with the Nest, ready to give themselves to it. )

[This sounds underhanded, but Lexa did want to make sure that she wasn't alone before she began to pursue her suspicions. Besides, Steve knows of her beliefs. She can sense when he doesn't approve of them, but that hasn't rendered their relationship null and void.]

( Should something spark anger within himself with regards to his relationship to her, he may try to make it so that he is the only Host who remains within her purview. I don't believe that to be beyond him, especially after what we have learned of General Hux's actions back in his world. ) [Even if they didn't act together, Lexa knows without a doubt that Ren and Hux are allied. It's one of the underlying reasons for why she had try to pry out "personal reasons" for Hux's verbal assault on her.]

( That said, even if I failed in my initial attempt, I do hope that I planted a seed of doubt within his mind that may make him feel less powerful. I do believe it's that this supposed bond that leads him to feeling invincible among us. He is more dependent upon validation than his arrogance initially lets on. ) [But the bad part is that he believes he has that validation even when he doesn't. She refuses to believe in the truth of his vision of his relationship with Cathaway. She understands that there's much that she doesn't know, but they had only been mere days into their time as Hosts when he declared his devotion to her. That she was everything to him.]

[sizeofyourbaggage]

( I don't know if I trust you, and I'm not interested in following orders from someone I don't know, but I get your reasoning and I don't blame you for it. I'm not looking to try to push you into doing something different. )

[ He thinks about asking more about the unpredictable presences she's hoping to avoid - but really, he doesn't have to. He can guess who she might be talking about. And his attention is back on what she'd said first, about it being her own broodmate leading the charge against her. There's no accusation in his next question, just an honest curiosity. ]

( Do you think your broodmates know you as well as those back home? )

[deployed]

( I'm not capable of looking into them a thoroughly as you need. )

[ Technology here still goes over his head. Without Raven here to advise him, Bellamy wouldn't be able to pick his way through any kind of hacking attempt. Quibbling over whether or not he has access to the list seems like a waste in light of that fact. ]