[ The memories slow to a trickle, until it's just a recurring pattern of neglect. Benign neglect at times, malicious at others, but still neglect. It permeates her relationship with Misato, along with contempt. From both of them. Asuka is disgusted with her, with her drunkenness, her sloppy living habits, the way she still manages to reel in Kaji. Contempt for everything and anything.
There are other memories mixed in now, memories from Lavellan and she wants to scream and push it all back and shrink back into herself, but she accepts them. Doesn't have a choice. Bitterness and pain and the sense of hurt and betrayal that radiates from him is comfortingly familiar and she savors the feel of it, uses it to fuel herself. Clings to the arm that's still wrapped around her.
For once, she takes comfort in the closeness of another. She's not sure if it's because of the thing in her head or because she finally learned something after being forced to look into the mirror of her soul.
She eventually tries to blow the flow of memories, because she doesn't want to feel hurt anymore. Instead she's exhausted and tired and out of tears. Burned out after the red-hot fire of her anger has burned through and consumed all of the fuel she has to offer. ]
...do you understand?
[ It's a terrifying question to ask. She's not sure she does or ever will when it comes to others. People cannot understand people. It is a fact of life. ]
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There are other memories mixed in now, memories from Lavellan and she wants to scream and push it all back and shrink back into herself, but she accepts them. Doesn't have a choice. Bitterness and pain and the sense of hurt and betrayal that radiates from him is comfortingly familiar and she savors the feel of it, uses it to fuel herself. Clings to the arm that's still wrapped around her.
For once, she takes comfort in the closeness of another. She's not sure if it's because of the thing in her head or because she finally learned something after being forced to look into the mirror of her soul.
She eventually tries to blow the flow of memories, because she doesn't want to feel hurt anymore. Instead she's exhausted and tired and out of tears. Burned out after the red-hot fire of her anger has burned through and consumed all of the fuel she has to offer. ]
...do you understand?
[ It's a terrifying question to ask. She's not sure she does or ever will when it comes to others. People cannot understand people. It is a fact of life. ]