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Entry tags:
- *hatch log,
- aloy [horizon zero dawn],
- annabeth chase [riordan mythos],
- annie westwind [original],
- asuka langley sohryu [evangelion],
- bellamy blake [the 100],
- cathaway,
- commander shepard [mass effect],
- derek souza [the darkest powers],
- helen magnus [sanctuary],
- ilde vilmaine [original],
- john murphy [the 100],
- lexa [the 100],
- misato katsuragi [evangelion],
- noctis lucis caelum [ffxv],
- nyx ulric [ffxv],
- pidge gunderson (katie holt) [voltron],
- sam wilson [mcu],
- steve rogers [mcu],
- the prince
[hatch log] everything happens so much
CHARACTERS: New Hosts & EVERYONE
WHERE: The Station
WHEN: DAY :039
SUMMARY: New faces and old losses - a hatch occurs and a number of older hosts go comatose. Coma'd hosts include all auto-piloted dropped characters to date.
WARNINGS: Will update as necessary. Need a warning added? PM this account please!
NEW HATCHES
YOU WAKE UP and suddenly you're a different person. No. That's not right. You're you and there's no suddenly about it. It's been a while, hasn't it? It feels like waking up from a very deep, extended sleep or like surfacing up from the darkness of the ocean and right there in your own head there's something both familiar and strange. You know intuitively that you've been unconscious for more than just a blink of the eye. While it’s impossible to tell exactly how long ago or how exactly you escaped the danger that had been breathing down your neck, you're certain it was more than a moment ago.
But here you are, a small miracle of the multiverse: lying in a small faintly hexagonal chamber, a gentle white light emanating from the surrounding walls. If you were injured during your escape, those injuries have been healed. If you were anxious or frightened or distraught, those feelings have been briefly calmed. There's something strangely peaceful about waking up here. That feeling persists even as you find the tube running from the base of your neck to the compartment's rear wall.
But once the tube's disconnected? Things get loud. A wave of emotion fills that peaceful void - fear, uncertainty, relief, a sense of purpose or loneliness or anxiety. Maybe some of these emotions are yours, but they can't all be. After the initial sensory overload, the mental buzz elongates: stretches out into a murmur like the sound of a party happening behind a closed door.
You can sit up - barely -, and shift out of the pod. There’s a ladder at your feet and a little cubby just before it with anything you brought with you as well as a set of crisp, loose-fitting white clothes; while your injuries are healed, whatever you’re wearing is in the exact state it was before. Maybe it's time for a change? Drop down the ladder to the floor of the Nesting Deck and you’ll find you’re not alone. The closer you are to these stranger, the louder the sound in your head becomes. --Actually they're not quite strangers either, are they? Something is wound about and between you and these people, whoever they are, are as familiar as this place you've never been is.
Welcome to Station 72. The air buzzes with activity. Somewhere deep in the Station, other minds call to yours. They are bright, brilliantly celebratory spots in your subconscious. They are sun-warm gentle, or they are fire and the taste of ash, or they are a vibrant frenetic whirl, or they are a tangled garden, or they are the feeling of flight through dense cirrus clouds. No two links are exactly the same, but you know for certain that you are connected to all of them in at least some small way.
Which is why it's easy to tell when something goes terribly wrong:
OLD HOSTS
THE ENDORPHIN RUSH of making it back to Station 72 (relatively) unharmed, having successfully acquired exactly what you'd set out to get your hands on can't be denied. Even if you're not necessarily the type to celebrate, there's no ignoring the thrumming celebratory sensation from those Hosts who are.
After a few hours of being back in the void, something else stirs in the air: the clear, prickling sensation of new hosts hatching on the Nesting Deck. They're a rush of mental information - as if someone's turned the volume on the radio all the way up -, a cacophony of sensation and emotional feedback for anyone unprepared to shield against it.
The swell of feeling might make it easy to miss what follows immediately after: the dull, gut-deep quiet as The Darkling, Chuuya Nakahara, and Nasu Rei go suddenly comatose.
((OOC Notes: This is the hatch log for all new hosts. Feel free to make your own logs and posts additional to this if you care do. You can find a more detailed overview of the hatching process HERE. You can find additional setting information about the Station HERE If you have any questions, please hit up either the FAQ or MOD CONTACT pages!))
WHERE: The Station
WHEN: DAY :039
SUMMARY: New faces and old losses - a hatch occurs and a number of older hosts go comatose. Coma'd hosts include all auto-piloted dropped characters to date.
WARNINGS: Will update as necessary. Need a warning added? PM this account please!
YOU WAKE UP and suddenly you're a different person. No. That's not right. You're you and there's no suddenly about it. It's been a while, hasn't it? It feels like waking up from a very deep, extended sleep or like surfacing up from the darkness of the ocean and right there in your own head there's something both familiar and strange. You know intuitively that you've been unconscious for more than just a blink of the eye. While it’s impossible to tell exactly how long ago or how exactly you escaped the danger that had been breathing down your neck, you're certain it was more than a moment ago.
But here you are, a small miracle of the multiverse: lying in a small faintly hexagonal chamber, a gentle white light emanating from the surrounding walls. If you were injured during your escape, those injuries have been healed. If you were anxious or frightened or distraught, those feelings have been briefly calmed. There's something strangely peaceful about waking up here. That feeling persists even as you find the tube running from the base of your neck to the compartment's rear wall.
But once the tube's disconnected? Things get loud. A wave of emotion fills that peaceful void - fear, uncertainty, relief, a sense of purpose or loneliness or anxiety. Maybe some of these emotions are yours, but they can't all be. After the initial sensory overload, the mental buzz elongates: stretches out into a murmur like the sound of a party happening behind a closed door.
You can sit up - barely -, and shift out of the pod. There’s a ladder at your feet and a little cubby just before it with anything you brought with you as well as a set of crisp, loose-fitting white clothes; while your injuries are healed, whatever you’re wearing is in the exact state it was before. Maybe it's time for a change? Drop down the ladder to the floor of the Nesting Deck and you’ll find you’re not alone. The closer you are to these stranger, the louder the sound in your head becomes. --Actually they're not quite strangers either, are they? Something is wound about and between you and these people, whoever they are, are as familiar as this place you've never been is.
Welcome to Station 72. The air buzzes with activity. Somewhere deep in the Station, other minds call to yours. They are bright, brilliantly celebratory spots in your subconscious. They are sun-warm gentle, or they are fire and the taste of ash, or they are a vibrant frenetic whirl, or they are a tangled garden, or they are the feeling of flight through dense cirrus clouds. No two links are exactly the same, but you know for certain that you are connected to all of them in at least some small way.
Which is why it's easy to tell when something goes terribly wrong:
THE ENDORPHIN RUSH of making it back to Station 72 (relatively) unharmed, having successfully acquired exactly what you'd set out to get your hands on can't be denied. Even if you're not necessarily the type to celebrate, there's no ignoring the thrumming celebratory sensation from those Hosts who are.
After a few hours of being back in the void, something else stirs in the air: the clear, prickling sensation of new hosts hatching on the Nesting Deck. They're a rush of mental information - as if someone's turned the volume on the radio all the way up -, a cacophony of sensation and emotional feedback for anyone unprepared to shield against it.
The swell of feeling might make it easy to miss what follows immediately after: the dull, gut-deep quiet as The Darkling, Chuuya Nakahara, and Nasu Rei go suddenly comatose.
((OOC Notes: This is the hatch log for all new hosts. Feel free to make your own logs and posts additional to this if you care do. You can find a more detailed overview of the hatching process HERE. You can find additional setting information about the Station HERE If you have any questions, please hit up either the FAQ or MOD CONTACT pages!))
no subject
In a way, he is.
She claps her hand over her good eye and tries not to let tears leak through. She's not going to let Misato see her cry.
She's a lonely child again, staring up at the swinging corpse of her mother.
She's at a funeral, promising she won't cry ever again.
She's in college, beating out kids twice her age.
She's a pilot.
Synch rate: zero.
It all swirls together into a mess and then collapses in on itself again. And finally her mind starts to still, easing back down to that low-level bubble and boil as she takes deep, gulping breaths of air and tries to fight the rage and anger and despair back down.
For some reason, the weight of Lavellan against her back doesn't disgust her. ]
no subject
He stays like that for several moments, almost forgetting where they are or what they were doing, until he realizes that the turmoil has smoothed and he's at something resembling peace. Almost. As close to it as he can get, nowadays, and it feels more like the numbness that comes after catharsis than true calm.
It's only then he extricates himself from Asuka, only enough to pull back slightly and look her in the eye. He's surprised to find his eye stings to mirror her good one, as if he's taking her tears for her. The pain reflected from her is still strong, still striking, but it's fading like an echo.]
Are you all right?
no subject
[ Her voice is a croak. She's holding back the tears (or trying) and she feels a combination of angry, embarrassed, and incredibly sad. She doesn't know why this is happening to her.
I'm not fine and I never will be.
She takes a slow, deep, shuddering breath and relucantly lifts her head to stare at Lavellan. That exchange did feel, in a way, cathartic. She confronted Misato with things she has been wanting to say for too long. But there was no ultimate payoff. No forgiveness. Not even understanding. Just a painful slap and then cold indifference.
There's sympathy. She doesn't understand who for, until she figures out it's coming from Lavellan. ]
I just - I'll be fine.
[ She has to believe that, even if she doesn't. ]
no subject
He laughs, more of hysteria than humor, and bends so that his forehead rests on her shoulder.]
Don't lie. I can tell.
[There is something comforting about this, the fringes of their thoughts entwining together like a tapestry. It's strange. Before now, he had found Misato a curiosity, possibly even someone he could relate to; someone else bitter, and tired, and looking for any kind of connection. Now, that doesn't seem as important.
Actually, he may hate her.
He doesn't know if it's bleed from Asuka, or his own opinion, born of his own experiences, what he's learned of her from this. (That seems an alien concept now, his own experiences. On some level, he doesn't care. It feels right, the way they're syncing. Correct. Like he'd been incomplete before.
He settles back into the embrace, taking her weight like a crutch. It's her who needs repairing, here, not him.
He switches to mental communication, barely even thinking of it, accepting their new intimacy as the mos natural thing in the world.]
( Show me what she did. )
cw: suicide
Asuka should pull away, storm off, shove Lavellan off of her, but he wants to understand. He offers an outlet. He wants to hate as much as she does, so she stays, slumped on the dining room floor, Lavellan curled against her back. It's horrifying in its intimacy and a part of her is screaming at it and recoiling.
But he knows. He can read her like a book. And he asks. He wants to know. She doesn't know how use the link yet, just that it is, but she can try. She has painful memories. And she'll share. It isn't neat or ordered, but rather a confusing mish-mash in roughly chronological order, scenes bleeding into one another, tainted by the echoes of emotions she felt at the time.
She meets Misato in Germany. An older woman she tries to look up to, who reads her file, who knows what's happened to her and the pain she carries in her heart. The next time she's on an aircraft carrier and Misato is the one who Kaji seems to care for; not Asuka. After that, it accelerates, days and weeks and months blurring into one another, with a few events standing out.
Misato demonstrates that Asuka is replaceable instead of Shinji; when he can't keep up with the synchronized dance, it's Asuka who gets pulled and replaced with Rei, as if she's the one who needs to learn a lesson. Misato pushes her to descend into molten lava, deeper than is safe and almost gets her killed.
It's Shinji who earns praise, who garners attention, who is the object of Misato's affection. Her attitude toward Asuka is, at best, benign indifference, which wounds Asuka. Shinji is "number one", despite his poor attitude and refusal to follow orders. Misato says she'll actually reprimand him, but is too busy being thankful over him to do so. Despite the blow to her morale and her ego, Asuka keeps going, even as her synch rate starts to nose-dive.
It's never any one thing. It's the fake front Misato tries to wear, a thousand little cuts of indifference and distance. The fake mother who doesn't even try to understand or help Asuka, even though she knows what's wrong, has every idea what makes Asuka hurt, but prefers inaction. There's the moment Asuka breaks down in the bathroom, Misato down the hallway and within hearing. She doesn't say a word. It's the way Misato cries over Shinji, fusses over him.
Misato makes Asuka second string against Arael and then it invades her mind, taints her, and Misato has nothing for her afterward. No words of comfort. Asuka flees to a friends house (Hikari) and Misato never so much as telephones to try and find her. She's thrown away like so much garbage when her synch rate finally bottoms out. And when Asuka finally teeters close enough to the edge to run away from home and try and end it in a bathtub in a ruined apartment, it takes a week for them to reel her in.
When she fights her final battle, Asuka is alone. Misato promises to find Shinji. To bring him back and help. She never does.
The stream will keep going until he tells her to stop. Months of resentment and quiet neglect and cold indifference hiding behind a cheerful smile. ]
no subject
He doesn't know if she can be healed. He doesn't know if he can be, for that matter. But if he can offer this girl some release, some relief for a while, then that will have to be enough. At least it's something.
When she quiets he lets through a memory of his own--cautiously, careful not to overwhelm her. He's gotten a bit better at this over the past few months. It's not much, just an echo of his own lowest point, from just after the Exalted Council when he nearly drank himself to death out of raw grief and fury over Solas, his arm, everything.
It's not to hurt her, or wallow in his own self-pity. It's a mental hand on her shoulder, a way of saying me too.
He'll wait for her to pull away, decide when to sever their connection. Or not. Whatever she needs right now.]
no subject
There are other memories mixed in now, memories from Lavellan and she wants to scream and push it all back and shrink back into herself, but she accepts them. Doesn't have a choice. Bitterness and pain and the sense of hurt and betrayal that radiates from him is comfortingly familiar and she savors the feel of it, uses it to fuel herself. Clings to the arm that's still wrapped around her.
For once, she takes comfort in the closeness of another. She's not sure if it's because of the thing in her head or because she finally learned something after being forced to look into the mirror of her soul.
She eventually tries to blow the flow of memories, because she doesn't want to feel hurt anymore. Instead she's exhausted and tired and out of tears. Burned out after the red-hot fire of her anger has burned through and consumed all of the fuel she has to offer. ]
...do you understand?
[ It's a terrifying question to ask. She's not sure she does or ever will when it comes to others. People cannot understand people. It is a fact of life. ]
no subject
What a question. Can two people ever truly understand one another, even in circumstances as intimate as this? But then, this must be the closest they could ever get.]
Yes.
[He pulls back physically, just slightly, enough to give Asuka room to separate if she wants, but also still supporting her weight.]
What do you need now?
no subject
[ Does she need anything? Does she want anything? She doesn't want to go anywhere. Not yet. She just holds onto Lavellan and tries to figure out what to do. She wants to let go and push him away but she can't bring herself to do that. Not after the weird swirl of memories has settled over them both. ]
I thought she might actually understand for once.
no subject
[He doesn't know what makes him say it. There's no one in particular he thinks of--no one he's willing to acknowledge, anyway--so much as a stream of faces he's encountered over the years, all too stubborn for their own good and who brought their own undoing because of it.
Now that his nerves have calmed and his mind has somewhat extricated from Misato's, he has to wonder if his first impression of her was all that incorrect, if she really is beyond being worth the attempt.
But, really, to Asuka, it doesn't matter if she is. The girl's had enough.]
Learning how to let go of that is a struggle for all of us, I think.
no subject
[ Asuka's not wailing, but she is talking through gritted teeth. Funny; not more than a day or two ago, she wouldn't have even considered being this close to anyone or letting them touch her like this. It would've been unthinkable. But here she is, intertwined in body and soul and she doesn't know what to do about it or how she feels. ]
She understood Ikari; she tried for him.
no subject
This isn't really a pleasant thing to say, but he's never been interested in softening the truth. Even an unkind truth.]
There's only so much you can do, sometimes. You can't force someone's mind to change, no matter how much you exhaust yourself trying. [He doesn't think about Solas.] But you can choose to walk away instead.
Maybe Misato isn't worth your anger, Asuka. You deserve better than to throw yourself at a wall over and over.
no subject
She'd like that too much.
[ Or Asuka is afraid to do that. To just leave and risk being forgotten. ]