aaron paul without the swearing

[servitor]

( Since we're all supposed to be real close and buddy buddy around here, anyone care to fill me in on your skills or training?

I'm not going to drill you and ask you to run laps, I promise. Not today at least.

... Unless you're with me, then you better be on the tenth lap and not a nap )

[You know who you are.]

Comments

[servitor]

( Yeah. I know the feeling. )

[He might not have been at war himself, directly, since childhood, but he saw it all. He saw how the world started to burn, how Galahd was defiant despite the relentless "requests" from the Empire to surrender.

And then, finally, the end of Galahd.

No, he's not a child of war, but he can't say he's known real peace in a long time.]

[adamance]

( So, here we are now. Wanting to keep track of people's abilities is wise. But trying to take charge, to lead, will be met with some disdain. But the attempt is commendable all the same. )

[servitor]

( Right now I don't want to lead. I just want to know everyone so we can get something worked out when the time comes.

Though I've already met this disdain. )

[The approximation of a shrug echoes through the link. He's dealt with worse, despite the very minor irritation and aggravation that's coming from everyone assuming his future actions.]

[adamance]

( People are wary of being told what to do, even in jest. Don't take it too personally.

You'll be happy to find that we've ... mostly managed what we've set out to do. At least to some degree.

Being more efficient just may be a big ask. )

[Lexa speaks from a personal place. She's just had a lot longer to react as he has been: with that shrug, with that understanding that people are on edge about these things. She knows (even if not intimately, but because the Nest bonds are what they are) that he's new enough. She's had months to accept things being this way.]

[servitor]

( I'm past taking anything personally by now. )

[He was new once, though in fairness, there weren't a lot of veterans on the Glaive save for the commanders.]

( From the looks of it no one knows how to play on a team well. )

[adamance]

( It's true. You have to understand that there are many different types of people here, even if our numbers aren't large enough to make up a full regiment of warriors.

Some are leaders like myself. Or former soldiers accustomed to taking orders. And then there are those who believe that giving up their lives is fine, so long as they help people in the process. That's why they took the hand offered to them. And others—they are here because they are willing to survive. None of these categories are even that simple, however. )

[Lexa does have some judgment for some of the "categories" she's listed, but it's not clear in her words which category is the problem. That's something she can carefully keep to herself.

She goes on:]

( I've found success in focusing on the individual here. There are few enough of us that those of us willing to train can help those who don't know where to begin. Either way, I think one thing can be said for almost all of us: in working together, many fear that they will lose sight of who they were before the Nest. It's not a fear easily lost. )

[Even Lexa struggles with it, though she knows that she's not going to lose herself so easily.]

[servitor]

[There's something he hadn't thought of: losing himself, in this regard. He'd been doing his best to keep his mind tethered to his own memories, trying to focus the way Prince had mentioned, but he'd never really imagined to lose himself so much as to not be himself.

He doesn't know what more there is to lose for him, though. He has to keep himself, because it's all he has. Even then? If it's for something bigger and better, he could go too.]

( Prince mentioned there's value in different people, even from the same place. I don't think it would happen. )

[adamance]

( I never said it was a rational belief—only that it is one.

We have a choice about how far we take this experience, and what we do with it. )

[Prince had been the one to reinforce that for her, as well, but she doesn't say as much.

Lexa knows that it's possible to hold on to who you are for ages. But it might not always be the best method, or choice. Years might shave away that desire as it has for many others.]

[servitor]

( Just like anything, right? )

[Even if his own life had, for the most part, been derailed and had been left with few choices, he still managed to make one.

But, he sometimes wondered if there had ever been a choice at all.]

[adamance]

( As long as you believe that's true.

Sometimes life offers very few choices, depending on how people perceive them. )

[This matter and belief is more philosophical than anything. If people can find a third way, they can. But sometimes the "can" of it all is where the difficulty lies.]

[servitor]

( Probably best to believe it. There's nothing a person can't do unless they decide it's impossible. At least that's what I've seen. )

[But Nyx had never been the sort of person to roll over and take it, had he?]

[adamance]

( I'd say it's not as simple as that, but you have to try before you declare something impossible. The motivation to do so is really what matters, and where those choices can be perceived. )

[Leave it to Lexa to complicate a simple notion. Choices can only be perceived if you can see them, but she is too much of a realist to say that nothing is impossible. Effort has a big part in it, of course, but it's not all of it.]

[servitor]

( Helps to think simple when there's a lot going on. )

[He's never naive enough to think it's just a or b. It's a or b, with caveats. A or b, with a sneaky decision of c and d.

Hard choices had to be made on the fly everyday. Simplifying, he finds, sometimes helps. Sometimes.]

[adamance]

( Unless it's that simplicity that ends up costing you. It depends, of course. If you get caught up in complication, you can limit yourself when it comes to improvisation. But if you treat everything as if it's simple, people can easily find a flaw in what you're doing, and use it against you.

I think it's possible that the latter is what's happened with the Nest, and why we're hardly agents of change. )

[Though she speaks as if she intends to be the one to alter that definition.]

[servitor]

( You really like to overcomplicate things, don't you? )

[He doesn't mean it offensively. It's things he's learned over time, because in the thick of battle, you had to make decisions fast, and some of them you couldn't get a redo.

He's gotten this far on those lessons.]

( There's a lot more here than just treating things simply that's the problem. )

[Nyx doesn't know about how to make a change here, not with how he's already seeing the push backs, the unwillingness to realize that the basics aren't going to help them to the end of whatever this war is supposed to be.

But they do need to start now if they plan on making a dent.]

[adamance]

( I see it as a matter of knowing what all the choices are so that I can make the right one.

I think we can both agree that a choice must be made, yes? )

[If she had a middle name, it would be something to do with overcomplicating everything, but that's because she knows it's easier to build in loopholes. She isn't wrong, though, about wanting to see all the available choices and them coming to her quickly. Of course, that's an ideal that even she doesn't always live up to, as her personal bias has harmed her in the past and will inevitably do so in the future.

So, no offense taken. Sometimes she likes to overcomplicate things just to be contrary. That is part of what she's doing here, too.]

[servitor]

[Complications might be well and great, but Nyx is the type to get from point A to point B no matter what. Seeing through bullshit was only a part of his need to finish what he starts.]

( Yeah, always. You can't leave anything hanging. )

[adamance]

( My process is one that makes that possible. )

[So to speak. Of course, it comes with a high opinion of herself and what she sees in a situation, but some of that comes with experience.]

[servitor]

( How's that process going for you here? )

[adamance]

( I'm still alive. I learn from the mistakes of others. And I assist those I wish to give aid to.

I believe it's working well. )

[It allows her to contribute to her biases.]

[servitor]

( You mean people around here let you or anyone help? )

[Because he's gotten such a fantastic impression of the Nest so far being adamantly not about being helpful beyond the basics.]

[adamance]

( Who have you been speaking to, out of curiosity? )

[She doesn't confirm or deny his question, as her means of convincing people to take her help is usually far more convoluted than necessary. Then again, as they've covered, that's Lexa in a nutshell.]

[servitor]

( Annie, Noctis, Bellamy, Clint, Sam, Steve... the ones I know by name at least. Some others I could probably point out by feeling out their mental vibes or however you want to call it. )

[adamance]

( Some of them aren't taking your help because they don't require it. Others are stubborn and only feel that they are as good as what they can offer to others. And some are simply more caught up in bold statements proving that they are correct to offer anything of value. )

[She doesn't specify who she's referring to.]

[servitor]

[He can kind of figure who can go to who from the few responses, but he's not going to assume that's all there is to it.]

( Sounds like it's just a lot of talk for what amounts to the same thing. )