[Cracking out of him, hard, as he pulls his arm out of Bellamy's grip once again. Everything's changed. He knows, because if it was him, if he had that--
she comes back. out on the road, Murphy with animal blood streaked down one side of his face, she'd left him but she comes back, smiles, and it surges in his chest warm and happy and--
she comes back. a food-seller's stall in the market, calling out to him, drawing him out of step with ontari and her entourage. she came for him, came looking, and she smiles and he feels it again, even in the flamekeeper's clothes, the bruises from ontari's collar at his neck, there's relief and warmth and--
she comes back. chaos all around, the throne room a mess of bodies, alie's soldiers coming back to themselves, murphy's hands coated black to the elbows, but he turns and he sees her and he knows she's free. she's free and she's safe and he needs to go to her, he needs to hold her, tell her it's okay, but then
there's a voice in his head, a screeching in the air, and her face, terrified, you can save her . he turns away and--
He's never going to see her again. It's a certainty, a truth, a wound so big all it can bleed is anger. He'd left her, alone, a threat hovering in the air inches above her. She was dead, or he would be, or the Nest would eat him. It didn't matter which. The conclusion was always the same.]
(We aren't soldiers.) [Soldiers would have training. Weapons. Plans.] (We're bodies. We're nothing, and this is never going to be over.)
[He was never going to see her again. But Bellamy, Lexa, he could hate them for what they'd had. That moment of Clarke at the door, real, in the room, all the hope and happiness spilling out untempered to everyone.
He could hate them. Maybe he even did, right now.]
(So keep telling yourself that's what you want. I'm sure it'll still sound just as nice and convincing when you're as old as Cathaway.)
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[Cracking out of him, hard, as he pulls his arm out of Bellamy's grip once again. Everything's changed. He knows, because if it was him, if he had that--
she comes back. out on the road, Murphy with animal blood streaked down one side of his face, she'd left him but she comes back, smiles, and it surges in his chest warm and happy and--
she comes back. a food-seller's stall in the market, calling out to him, drawing him out of step with ontari and her entourage. she came for him, came looking, and she smiles and he feels it again, even in the flamekeeper's clothes, the bruises from ontari's collar at his neck, there's relief and warmth and--
she comes back. chaos all around, the throne room a mess of bodies, alie's soldiers coming back to themselves, murphy's hands coated black to the elbows, but he turns and he sees her and he knows she's free. she's free and she's safe and he needs to go to her, he needs to hold her, tell her it's okay, but then
there's a voice in his head, a screeching in the air, and her face, terrified, you can save her . he turns away and--
He's never going to see her again. It's a certainty, a truth, a wound so big all it can bleed is anger. He'd left her, alone, a threat hovering in the air inches above her. She was dead, or he would be, or the Nest would eat him. It didn't matter which. The conclusion was always the same.]
( We aren't soldiers. ) [Soldiers would have training. Weapons. Plans.] ( We're bodies. We're nothing, and this is never going to be over. )
[He was never going to see her again. But Bellamy, Lexa, he could hate them for what they'd had. That moment of Clarke at the door, real, in the room, all the hope and happiness spilling out untempered to everyone.
He could hate them. Maybe he even did, right now.]
( So keep telling yourself that's what you want. I'm sure it'll still sound just as nice and convincing when you're as old as Cathaway. )