[ She can't make a scene here. The mission won't allow it and Asuka, for all of her many faults, will follow orders for the sake of the mission. Or maybe there's something more to it. She both detests and secretly welcomes the link she has with others here. It isn't the all-encompassing, smothering feeling of having her sense of self subsumed into the sea of humanity like Third Impact. She's still her, but she no longer has any defenses (or perhaps now she can simply see clearly) and her emotions are on display for everyone in the Nest to see. And by the same token, she can feel the intent and the emotion that comes from everyone else.
A blessing and a curse.
Besides, Clarke is saying something that she's wanted to hear. She's wanted to be understood, but she's always feared letting people get close enough to do that. She's feared rejection, being discarded, being thought of as weak or not good enough. She hates people for being necessary and at the same time she craves their approval. She is full of contradictions and tangled emotions; a thicket of thorns that threaten to tear at Clarke if she gets closer. ]
(What makes you think you could ever understand me?)
[ Underneath that question is an a plea: look at me, don't leave me, don't abandon me, don't hate me.
She's coiled and tense, ready to stand and push away at a moment's notice. Waiting for Clarke's words. She's already cried herself to exhaustion once tonight. It wasn't as cathartic as she'd hoped but it also didn't leave her as weak as she'd feared. ]
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A blessing and a curse.
Besides, Clarke is saying something that she's wanted to hear. She's wanted to be understood, but she's always feared letting people get close enough to do that. She's feared rejection, being discarded, being thought of as weak or not good enough. She hates people for being necessary and at the same time she craves their approval. She is full of contradictions and tangled emotions; a thicket of thorns that threaten to tear at Clarke if she gets closer. ]
( What makes you think you could ever understand me? )
[ Underneath that question is an a plea: look at me, don't leave me, don't abandon me, don't hate me.
She's coiled and tense, ready to stand and push away at a moment's notice. Waiting for Clarke's words. She's already cried herself to exhaustion once tonight. It wasn't as cathartic as she'd hoped but it also didn't leave her as weak as she'd feared. ]