(We had very different experiences during that conversation.) [To Lexa, there was an apparent divide in understanding. Murphy's lashing out had come from a place of reason, but also a place of being hurt. Hers may have been the same. Somehow, it's worsened. Hearing Clarke's description of that day only reopens a wound that she's been trying to ignore.
When she had come back to her tent to prevent her from destroying Arkadia, it had been after Bellamy had hurt her.
When she had taken a stance in a different tent, it had been because she had understood Bellamy again. And hoped to protect him.
It feels like a constant, one that digs into her skin, one that wishes she could push away and act as if it doesn't hurt. Lexa knows that Titus hoped to keep her from feeling pain like this—or similar to this. He had been too shortsighted to realize what could truly happen with Clarke and her people.
Or perhaps she's too shortsighted in this moment. It's hard to say.]
(But I didn't come here to rehash that conversation. I came to solve a difference in understanding. ) [The truth is that she's only just decided what she's going to do. But Lexa speaks as if she had a plan all along. The antagonism toward Clarke paid off, giving her the answer she needed.]
(You fail to see why it is that we had different experiences there. Why your blind faith in Bellamy transcends even your efforts for your people. But I've seen it for myself. I've made decisions based upon that faith. And I protected him for you. In your stead, as if I knew what you needed me to do all along. I think we can agree that he will always come before nearly everyone. And has for some time.) [There are nuances there, as Lexa allows Clarke to understand them, opening her mind up just enough to let her see that saying this hurts her. It's not just "nearly everyone" at the end. Lexa doesn't include herself. Clarke's mother—she's included. But not Lexa herself.
That level of unconditional love shouldn't need to be spoken, and even now, Lexa can't bring herself to call it what it is. Or what she believes it to be.
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When she had come back to her tent to prevent her from destroying Arkadia, it had been after Bellamy had hurt her.
When she had taken a stance in a different tent, it had been because she had understood Bellamy again. And hoped to protect him.
It feels like a constant, one that digs into her skin, one that wishes she could push away and act as if it doesn't hurt. Lexa knows that Titus hoped to keep her from feeling pain like this—or similar to this. He had been too shortsighted to realize what could truly happen with Clarke and her people.
Or perhaps she's too shortsighted in this moment. It's hard to say.]
( But I didn't come here to rehash that conversation. I came to solve a difference in understanding. ) [The truth is that she's only just decided what she's going to do. But Lexa speaks as if she had a plan all along. The antagonism toward Clarke paid off, giving her the answer she needed.]
( You fail to see why it is that we had different experiences there. Why your blind faith in Bellamy transcends even your efforts for your people. But I've seen it for myself. I've made decisions based upon that faith. And I protected him for you. In your stead, as if I knew what you needed me to do all along. I think we can agree that he will always come before nearly everyone. And has for some time. ) [There are nuances there, as Lexa allows Clarke to understand them, opening her mind up just enough to let her see that saying this hurts her. It's not just "nearly everyone" at the end. Lexa doesn't include herself. Clarke's mother—she's included. But not Lexa herself.
That level of unconditional love shouldn't need to be spoken, and even now, Lexa can't bring herself to call it what it is. Or what she believes it to be.
(To her, they're one and the same right now.)]