[ She's not arguing, and the lack of ability to justify against his assertion is giving her a headache. Addiction is always finding ways to justify itself. She was drinking with justified reasons. That she needed to mellow out, stop being so restless and hurt and angry because it was going to hurt the others and let the stupid cat out of the stupid bag.
All she knows is that adding more chemicals isn't going to help her keep control. A knife's edge of justification, that if she keeps control, denies one over the other, she's playing by some kind of rule. Just like him and his measured doses. It's all a fucking illusion.
She feels a little sick, aching to feel good, feel distant, to be released from the responsibility of herself. The self-pity that came with giving in was its own kind of drug. ]
no subject
[ She's not arguing, and the lack of ability to justify against his assertion is giving her a headache. Addiction is always finding ways to justify itself. She was drinking with justified reasons. That she needed to mellow out, stop being so restless and hurt and angry because it was going to hurt the others and let the stupid cat out of the stupid bag.
All she knows is that adding more chemicals isn't going to help her keep control. A knife's edge of justification, that if she keeps control, denies one over the other, she's playing by some kind of rule. Just like him and his measured doses. It's all a fucking illusion.
She feels a little sick, aching to feel good, feel distant, to be released from the responsibility of herself. The self-pity that came with giving in was its own kind of drug. ]
( But shut the fuck up. Seriously. I can't. )