[ However resistant he is: he can see the use. How helpful a blind connection, mind-to-mind, could be; even Mandalay had been a one-way radio, able to transmit her words and thoughts across an area, but unable to receive anything in return. No better than a P.A. system on a train, announcing the next stop or a school-wide alarm system, pointing out the presence of invading paparazzo. It's a tool - one he reluctantly is coming to know he will use.
It makes him better, even as it highlights his own shortcomings -- unacceptable, a thing far too unacceptable for the fragile, poorly-protected thing inside of him. ]
I don't DO teams.
[ The retort is sharp, even as he DROWNS in Elliot, who is akin to a rising tide that's slipped around his knees, tugging at him, urging him to step in over his head. It feels like Black, like Joshua. The two of them spring, unbidden, to his mind -- and he tries badly to push them back out, to shove back against this lack of boundary between them. ]
It's -- I do better without bodies around me; you'll just get hurt, if you're close.
[ Somehow, the idea of hurting anyone is enlarged, stark. More than just a passing reminder, it eats him up. Do not hurt them, you can't hurt them. They're important to you, Elliot is important. The way Black was, the way Joshua was, the way a yet-to-be-known fourth was. The way something was missing inside of him. ]
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It makes him better, even as it highlights his own shortcomings -- unacceptable, a thing far too unacceptable for the fragile, poorly-protected thing inside of him. ]
I don't DO teams.
[ The retort is sharp, even as he DROWNS in Elliot, who is akin to a rising tide that's slipped around his knees, tugging at him, urging him to step in over his head. It feels like Black, like Joshua. The two of them spring, unbidden, to his mind -- and he tries badly to push them back out, to shove back against this lack of boundary between them. ]
It's -- I do better without bodies around me; you'll just get hurt, if you're close.
[ Somehow, the idea of hurting anyone is enlarged, stark. More than just a passing reminder, it eats him up. Do not hurt them, you can't hurt them. They're important to you, Elliot is important. The way Black was, the way Joshua was, the way a yet-to-be-known fourth was. The way something was missing inside of him. ]
Why's it gotta' be so important to you?