of the things Sam thought he'd see today, this was not on the list. or feel, because the depth of emotion that comes along with it is just as much the torrential storm that Ren's mind always is, more so, perhaps. like a dam splintered and broke free, and sam had been standing at the bottom of it, looking up.
he's not so wasted as Ren is, and he's had enough history with the feeling to manage clear enough perception while drunk that it doesn't escape him how rare of a moment this is, and Sam wonders how long Ren's gone without breaking down like this. he hadn't meant to cause him to shake apart, but feeling it now, and the echo of not alone anymore that resonates through the brood bond, he thinks, maybe it was needed. as much as Ren pushes for order and control, the very essence of his being is such turbulent chaos, suppressing that uproar had to come to a break point somewhere.
his mind circles back around to the talk they'd had in the nesting deck, the burst of vitriol Ren had there, and how he'd spoken of parents, of people rejecting what they don't want to see in you, of leaving when they're needed most. and then there's the same man now, seeming so, so young. it's about much more than just jessica. had sam known him on a purely disconnected level, maybe he'd have had his own thoughts on what Ren is or isn't, but the fact of it is, now, he knows what is it to be this man, he's been inside his mind and felt the pain there, sharp as razor wire, and the deep ache of abandonment, and loneliness is a universe that's too too wide. the reason and details behind that just... become irrelevant. whether Ren's choices are completely abhorrent, or if they make him a saint, none of them in the brood can simply not feel for him any longer. It's part of humanity, and the connection of one soul to another, he thinks. You feel suffering and you just know pain, the resonance of it, the despair of it. not pity - empathy.
Sam's arm is moving to lift before he's thinking much of it, and it falls over Ren's shoulders, tugging his shaking frame against his side, with a kind of solidarity that refuses to just let him experience this without recognition, pretending it isn't happening and wait until he pulls back together. A hand squeeze at a shoulder, like comforting someone in mourning, a physical weight to remind that they aren't isolated in the world, that they're heard and felt, and Sam's not afraid of seeming too personal at the moment. Ren's likely to aggressively wipe this from his memory tomorrow. It's just as well - he won't have to worry about whatever Sam does now anyway, if he decides to deny the whole thing. Not without recognizing that it happened.
we're with you, his mind presses, and the silence of the room is filled with thought folded on thought, in half formed words and flashes of emotion, pulsed between the symbiotic bond. whether we argue, whether one of us hurts the other, whether we look at the world and see something completely different, whatever happens and whatever we learn or see, it's we now, not i. no matter what else you are, you're my brother, and i'm with you.
there's a promise somewhere in there as well. he'd told ren, before, how he'd wanted to go as soon as he could, to be with kara. asked him to kill him, if it came to that point. but in the weeks since, talking to cathaway, feeling out what this brood is and what it means, he'd decided. he'll be here for as long as they need him. time is an irrelevant force in the face of the universe, and the beyond, but fate's connected him to these people for a reason, and here he'll stay, until he's the last one left. as long as he can, within his power.
no commentary otherwise. words mean so little in comparison to what's passed between minds, and making a verbal acknowledgment seems like it'd be a bit too much for Ren regardless. ]
this got so gay im so sorry
of the things Sam thought he'd see today, this was not on the list. or feel, because the depth of emotion that comes along with it is just as much the torrential storm that Ren's mind always is, more so, perhaps. like a dam splintered and broke free, and sam had been standing at the bottom of it, looking up.
he's not so wasted as Ren is, and he's had enough history with the feeling to manage clear enough perception while drunk that it doesn't escape him how rare of a moment this is, and Sam wonders how long Ren's gone without breaking down like this. he hadn't meant to cause him to shake apart, but feeling it now, and the echo of not alone anymore that resonates through the brood bond, he thinks, maybe it was needed. as much as Ren pushes for order and control, the very essence of his being is such turbulent chaos, suppressing that uproar had to come to a break point somewhere.
his mind circles back around to the talk they'd had in the nesting deck, the burst of vitriol Ren had there, and how he'd spoken of parents, of people rejecting what they don't want to see in you, of leaving when they're needed most. and then there's the same man now, seeming so, so young. it's about much more than just jessica. had sam known him on a purely disconnected level, maybe he'd have had his own thoughts on what Ren is or isn't, but the fact of it is, now, he knows what is it to be this man, he's been inside his mind and felt the pain there, sharp as razor wire, and the deep ache of abandonment, and loneliness is a universe that's too too wide. the reason and details behind that just... become irrelevant. whether Ren's choices are completely abhorrent, or if they make him a saint, none of them in the brood can simply not feel for him any longer. It's part of humanity, and the connection of one soul to another, he thinks. You feel suffering and you just know pain, the resonance of it, the despair of it. not pity - empathy.
Sam's arm is moving to lift before he's thinking much of it, and it falls over Ren's shoulders, tugging his shaking frame against his side, with a kind of solidarity that refuses to just let him experience this without recognition, pretending it isn't happening and wait until he pulls back together. A hand squeeze at a shoulder, like comforting someone in mourning, a physical weight to remind that they aren't isolated in the world, that they're heard and felt, and Sam's not afraid of seeming too personal at the moment. Ren's likely to aggressively wipe this from his memory tomorrow. It's just as well - he won't have to worry about whatever Sam does now anyway, if he decides to deny the whole thing. Not without recognizing that it happened.
we're with you, his mind presses, and the silence of the room is filled with thought folded on thought, in half formed words and flashes of emotion, pulsed between the symbiotic bond. whether we argue, whether one of us hurts the other, whether we look at the world and see something completely different, whatever happens and whatever we learn or see, it's we now, not i. no matter what else you are, you're my brother, and i'm with you.
there's a promise somewhere in there as well. he'd told ren, before, how he'd wanted to go as soon as he could, to be with kara. asked him to kill him, if it came to that point. but in the weeks since, talking to cathaway, feeling out what this brood is and what it means, he'd decided. he'll be here for as long as they need him. time is an irrelevant force in the face of the universe, and the beyond, but fate's connected him to these people for a reason, and here he'll stay, until he's the last one left. as long as he can, within his power.
no commentary otherwise. words mean so little in comparison to what's passed between minds, and making a verbal acknowledgment seems like it'd be a bit too much for Ren regardless. ]