[ This is the closest Bellamy has ever been to Lexa, the only time he's ever been alone with her. Absorbing their similarities is as difficult for him as bearing the mercy of her pardon. Like so much else passing between them in this moment, it's better left unaddressed. Truthfully, Bellamy isn't able to consider it more fully, not yet.
His chancellor. Pike's shocked face comes to mind as Bellamy had handed him over, given him up to a painful death. It's not a proud moment. Bellamy's decision to part ways from Pike had never, ever meant to include his death, not until push came to shove, until Bellamy realized that Pike's presence in Arkadia would never bring about the things he'd hoped it would and that his attempts to circumvent Pike's agenda had come too late. He had given Pike up for the good of their people, had shut away the part of himself that had needed the support Pike had given him. It might bring peace, but it would have come too late, if Ontari had allowed it at all.
But it couldn't matter now. Lexa wasn't the Commander, and Ontari was dead, and could Clarke ascend that throne? Would grounders let her? It's difficult to tell, and Bellamy's fears lay more with Clarke surviving the battle at hand than considering what would follow after.
What Lexa tells him now could be a lie, but he knows it isn't. He can feel the truth of it between them, flickers of memory that don't belong to him and he instinctively recoils away from. Not for his eyes. Not meant to be seen by him, just like the raw burn of the love she holds for Clarke isn't meant to be felt by him. He can feel the truth in her words, that her pardon and protection come couched in a bargain. What she's asking of him, he would do regardless. It's an easy promise to make, but the significance of it lands on his shoulders like a physical weight, unshakable. ]
Yes. I'll do whatever it takes to keep her alive. You have my word.
[ It's simple, stiffly formal, but there's force behind it, all the complex emotions Bellamy has for Clarke infused into that word to bolster the sincerity of it. He'll keep her safe, whatever the cost. As many times as Bellamy has wanted to lay down and die, when it would have been easier for him not to get up again (it was not so long ago that he begged a hallucination of Thelonious Jaha for death) he'll survive to keep Clarke safe. That's something he can promise.
And do the same for Lexa in return, to keep her safe because it's what Clarke would want of him. Clarke wouldn't want Lexa to face death twice. He can protect Lexa, as best he can. Whatever else he does here, whatever else the two of them inevitably find themselves at odds over, he can do what little is available to him to protect her as she's promising to protect him. ]
no subject
His chancellor. Pike's shocked face comes to mind as Bellamy had handed him over, given him up to a painful death. It's not a proud moment. Bellamy's decision to part ways from Pike had never, ever meant to include his death, not until push came to shove, until Bellamy realized that Pike's presence in Arkadia would never bring about the things he'd hoped it would and that his attempts to circumvent Pike's agenda had come too late. He had given Pike up for the good of their people, had shut away the part of himself that had needed the support Pike had given him. It might bring peace, but it would have come too late, if Ontari had allowed it at all.
But it couldn't matter now. Lexa wasn't the Commander, and Ontari was dead, and could Clarke ascend that throne? Would grounders let her? It's difficult to tell, and Bellamy's fears lay more with Clarke surviving the battle at hand than considering what would follow after.
What Lexa tells him now could be a lie, but he knows it isn't. He can feel the truth of it between them, flickers of memory that don't belong to him and he instinctively recoils away from. Not for his eyes. Not meant to be seen by him, just like the raw burn of the love she holds for Clarke isn't meant to be felt by him. He can feel the truth in her words, that her pardon and protection come couched in a bargain. What she's asking of him, he would do regardless. It's an easy promise to make, but the significance of it lands on his shoulders like a physical weight, unshakable. ]
Yes. I'll do whatever it takes to keep her alive. You have my word.
[ It's simple, stiffly formal, but there's force behind it, all the complex emotions Bellamy has for Clarke infused into that word to bolster the sincerity of it. He'll keep her safe, whatever the cost. As many times as Bellamy has wanted to lay down and die, when it would have been easier for him not to get up again (it was not so long ago that he begged a hallucination of Thelonious Jaha for death) he'll survive to keep Clarke safe. That's something he can promise.
And do the same for Lexa in return, to keep her safe because it's what Clarke would want of him. Clarke wouldn't want Lexa to face death twice. He can protect Lexa, as best he can. Whatever else he does here, whatever else the two of them inevitably find themselves at odds over, he can do what little is available to him to protect her as she's promising to protect him. ]