day 040 | cw for suicide

[inflori]

[ He doesn't know where Aoba has been. He had a sense, and for all he knew, he was happy to ignore any part of his broodmate that might or might not have been involved in the mission. That wasn't to change as soon as they were back on the station.

Except - Aoba would change it for Petre. The same sense that he has about Aoba starts to dull, then it speeds up, the murmur of panic that immediately sinks down your rib cage and makes it crush down on your thoughts. Petre has little to no idea how to conceal emotion. He's too transparent, except when he's impersonating someone else, and when Aoba's last second of life ticks --

There's the sound of a symbiote's breath being snatched right off its host's lungs before Petre collapses, hitting his head hard on the floor. ]

[ ooc: this is an open post for people to react to anything mentioned above, from 'wtf just happened' to finding Petre and taking him to where the other comatose hosts are resting. ]

Comments

[wille]

I don't take orders as a rule.

[ Orders masquerading as suggestions notwithstanding, not unless it's from someone signing her paychecks, and even then. But there's mirth behind her words. She doesn't plan on withholding her emotions, and this is relevant, because Petre is coming back. She starts to maneuver his arms and torso over her shoulders to lift him up in a fireman's carry. Easy enough. Arguments against women in the military: dashed. ]

Do we have to put him inside a pod? [ That seems too final somehow. ] How about a real bed just for a day. He could wake up before then.

[adamance]

He'd prefer the bed. I know I did. [Returning to the roots where they first started made her uncomfortable, but she knows (perhaps not entirely, but the nature of the beast lent itself to that) that she had started off on a bed. Claiming that she preferred it is more a matter of her trying to steal power away from the act of being comatose.]

But it may be longer than a day. What just happened may be wearing on him. He has lost two. The connections are permanently severed.

[wille]

Hmm. You'll tell me he prefers the bed but won't tell him what he needs to hear?

[ That is the sound of a certain someone being extremely judgmental with or without merit, coupled with a look that dismisses all doubt that Misato means anything else. She shifts Petre's body for better balance, then starts setting off on her way, steps slow and steady. ]

How many have you lost?

[adamance]

Some people are more suitable to say what someone wants to hear. [Lexa is perfectly capable of praise, of trying to guide someone in the right direction. Her approach with Petre is one that doesn't involve praise. He seeks it, almost to validate himself, and she gives him attention in other ways.

Ones that she thinks are better.

(And she thinks she's always right, which is that little catch ...)]

My losses have only been to those who have slipped away. Who are comatose like him. Their hearts still beat. [There's a certain detachment to her words. Lexa's struggles with her Nest began early on, and now that she's without them, she is largely fearful because she knows that lacking that support may hurt her ability to survive. In breaking it down that way, she tries to remove herself emotionally from it, because the other route might lead her to believe that she was somehow at fault for losing them. And Lexa is never quick to place blame on herself.]

[wille]

[ Lexa, this is Misato giving you the look she has reserved for Commander Ikari and his pointed neglect toward his one and only son. It's a look of judgment, disappointment and what-the-fuckery. ]

Sleeping your life away isn't life. They might as well be dead.

[ Harsh? Maybe so. But harsh truths and slaps across the face are kinder than letting the people she cares about waste away. She thinks this is is kindness, in a roundabout way. She may be calling the comatose Hosts as good as dead, including the one she's carrying on her back, but see, Petre is bound to wake up. By extension, Sirius is bound to wake and so is Beth, so all of them would be retroactively forgiven, redeemed, the moment they stir from their coma.

It's a brand of logic that only works in Misato's head. ]

[adamance]

It's different when someone dies here. [The words are so flat, so even in her delivery that it's as if she's ignoring Misato's first expression. She isn't, but Lexa also isn't easily chastised. At least, she's not on the surface. Forcing the matter might bring about a different reaction from her, but she's not quick to say it.] The feeling of loss varies. When someone dies, there is no chance that they might return to you. You feel as if you've lost a limb. Petre has lost two.

[Lexa doesn't know if it's clear that she's speaking factually rather than in terms of anything else. There are those in her brood that she misses, but she knows that her lost was nowhere near as painful as it had been for Angel to lose the first Parker, or for Castor to lose Anakin. She can imagine why Petre's strength gave out, at least for a moment.

And she knows that her broodmates living is all but an unfortunate boon. But they do live. At least she doesn't know what it feels like to lose that much of herself.]

[wille]

[ Misato doles out her judgment as easily as she dismisses her early verdicts with an absent turn of the head, expression turning less angry and more thoughtful. Sirius sleeps still, and Beth-- Beth said she would want to be woken up, but would it be more merciful to let them sleep? Less selfish. She thinks she would rather be dead, or alive, but never in between. It's so much harder to settle on a black-and-white view, the way she prefers, when Petre hangs in the balance.

She shifts his weight against her shoulder slightly. ]

That's why. You should do something nice for him when he wakes up. He'd deserve it, right?

[adamance]

I've watched over him for a long time, Misato. Since his preferred broodmate began to slip away and return on a regular basis. It's what I intend to continue to do. [Lexa doesn't point out that her version of "doing something nice" is protecting another person, or that the typical definition of that falls flat for her. She doesn't really do nice things for others. It's a weird truth for her.]

That I do that should be enough for you. [These final words are pointed, because it's more about what Misato feels Petre needs than any understanding of the dynamic that Lexa has with him.]