[open]

[redheadcarrier]

CHARACTERS: Asuka Langley Soryu and you.
WHERE: The Station
WHEN: Day: 048
SUMMARY: Asuka hasn't had a good time emotionally; she tries to distract herself by overworking.
WARNINGS: Potential mention of suicide, suicidal ideation, death.

[ Her conversations with Misato didn't go anywhere. Or at least they didn't go anywhere that would help Asuka resolve the teeming mass of uncomfortable hollowness that permeates her. Every last bit of her old self-worth feels as if it's been ground out of her, squeezed by her death, by Third Impact, and now by Misato, until she's been left flailing and trying to grasp onto something - anything - that will let her keep her head above water. She has a new purpose now, so at least there's that. There are new people around her. Some of them are even decent, but she tries not to let on that she likes some of them.

Of course, with Adra and Lavellan, it's almost impossible for her to keep that way. They're a constant presence at the back of her mind. Warm light and a familiar feeling of frustration and loss, respectively. The feelings she associates with them now and the emotions that creep in when she tries to pay attention to their buzzing, humming presence. She's adapted, too. She's found that she can tune out the voices if she wants, but that simply letting them fade into the background of her head is almost easier.

Asuka's not sure how she feels about that.

There's nothing for her to do yet and she feels antsy and on edge and if she sits too long, her mind is going to start crawling down into dark places and it'll take her with it. So she moves. She decides to train, because she's here to fight a war and if she has to fight, she's going to be ready. They have a gym and she's using it now, going through a routine. Running, acrobatics, exercises, and a barrage of punches and kicks that are aimed at the punching bag there. Her form is a bit sloppy, but there's real muscle memory to it - like a fighter who coming back after an injury. It's also a bit strange to see a five-foot nothing teenager going after said punching bag with the viciousness of a cornered animal, teeth gritted, breath hissing between her teeth, anger and frustration rolling out of her with every blow until she leaves herself panting and out of breath, still glaring at the punching bag as if it somehow personally offended her.

She spits out a few choice curse-words in German, but she welcomes the feeling of physical exhaustion that washes over her and radiates out through the hive link. Better than the alternative. ]

[OOC: Will potentially ad more prompts later; if you'd like to hit her somewhere else, just wildcard it. ]

Comments

[earthborn]

[Shepard watches this for a while, in between her own work. That's not training, that's aggression. That's trying to fight something that can't be fought. And here Misato wants her to-- what, fix this? Shit, the kid doesn't need strength, she's got enough of that to choke on.]

Hackfresse ist besser, nach dem, was du damit machst.

[She indicates the bag with one hand, still wrapped from her own exertions. It's not like she's torn it or anything, but it's visibly dented, in a few places.]

You look like you're ready to take a minute. Can I talk?

[redheadcarrier]

[ Asuka's still giving the punching bag the stink-eye when she hears someone speaking German at her. She glances over at Shepard and eyeballs her. She sort of remembers the woman - they'd had a brief encounter when Asuka had first arrived. She draws her shoulders up, trying to look a bit bigger then she actually is, and her lips purse into a thin line. ]

Sure. Talk.

[ No guarantee she'll listen. ]

[earthborn]

[No point in beating around the bush, then.]

Misato seems to think you need some kind of training. I told her you seemed fine to me, but seeing as she's...

[Shepard indicates a vague area of air around her head, because, more than just being in each other's heads, Misato might just be crazy. Shepard's certainly implying that she thinks so, in the roll of her eyes.]

Look, I'm tired of hearing about it, and she's not going to shut up. So, how about we cut a deal: you cover for me about her bullshit strength training, and I'll make sure you learn something useful for the purpose of making her real damn sorry she asked.

[Her tone is clear, intention unasked for but just as obvious: Misato is a busybody, and Shepard's pleased to make sure she suffers for it.]

... Or, maybe you'd rather finish off this bag. If that's what you really want to do with your time.

[redheadcarrier]

[ That name draws a reaction. It's a bristle, a sort of shudder and a tightening of her shoulders. Resentment and anger and frustration. She never even tried and now she's trying to foist me off on someone else.

Typical.

But at least Shepard doesn't seem all that friendly with her. So why is she doing this? Asuka's suspicious and her eyes narrow. What does she do with this? Does she even want to reach out again, only to be dropped by another adult who has what they want? ]

...that depends on what you have to actually teach. What do you think I actually need?

[ She sounds a touch contemptuous, but she knows she needs to adapt. No Eva units here. ]

Why'd she ask you, anyway?

[earthborn]

Because I am the very best there is at what I do.

[This is said, not completely without pride, but with a certain lack of swagger that indicates this as Shepard's best knowledge of the truth.]

What do you wanna learn? I can teach you to shoot like a sniper, if you want. You got EVA training? You wanna learn to cook? I'll even teach you how to hotwire a car, or jury-rig napalm, if you ask nicely. C'mon, Asuka, give me a challenge.

[Famous last words.]

So long as she sees us working together on something, she'll piss off. And you get something out of it, don't you?

[redheadcarrier]

And I'm the best at what I do.

[ Asuka retorts quickly, wiping sweat from her forehead. It rings a bit hollow - she lost, after all - but bravado is what she's used to. Easy to fall back on.

She settles a hand on her hip, as if she's judging Shepard and then makes a little scoffing noise. Maybe she can piss off Misato. Or show her that she doesn't need her anymore (never did). ]

Sharpshooting. I need to re-learn that.

[ Asuka reluctantly gestures at her eyepatch. And the last time she learned she was in a cockpit. World of difference. ]

[earthborn]

[Needing Misato is a fool's game, honestly.]

We'll start tomorrow morning, then. Oh-five-hundred.

[She'll want to be fresh, for the lesson; today's out of the question. Shepard holds a hand out, offering Asuka the shake. ]

We got a deal?

[redheadcarrier]

[ Oh-five-hundred. Military terminology. She remembers that, slots it back into place. She's not sure she's going to appreciate being yelled at, but maybe she can use this. Her expression flickers and she finally reaches out to accept the hand.

A handshake. That's a first. ]

Fine. Deal.

[ She shakes and then leans back. ]

What's your deal anyway? Besides being military.

[earthborn]

I'm a Spectre.

[Shepard's smile is genuine, and she has to take a minute to inhale on the tide of memory. Asuka can't possibly know how closely she echoed the exact words she herself had spoken, almost sixteen years ago, to one David Anderson.]

The people in charge give me a goal, and I'm allowed to do whatever I have to to get it done, no questions asked, no answers given. So, basically, I'm above the law; it's all black ops. [She shrugs, as if that explains it. There's a reason people are frightened of her.] A few years ago, I discovered this impending invasion. Reapers, they were called. Long story short, now I kill Reapers.

[Killing giant cyborg aliens is a cool job, okay?]

What about you?

[redheadcarrier]

Spectre.

[ She rolls the word over in her mouth. Even with the weird symbiote translator, she has a bit of a German accent. Shepard's smile makes her feel a bit defensive - no one smiles like that at her. At least not adults. Not if they mean it. ]

Sounds nice. [ She sounds a bit acidic. In theory, NERV had been above most of the law. At least until they weren't anymore. She stretches her arms out over her head and then crouches to retrieve her water bottle, gulping down a few mouthfuls as she considers. Her stomach tightens a bit as Shepard asks about her. How does she describe this? Does it matter anymore? ]

I was an Eva pilot. We were fighting... an invasion, I guess. Like you. Only we called them Angels.

[ She shrugs, the gaze of her good eye sliding away, as if she's feeling guilty. She didn't win, after all. she wasn't good enough. ]

Turns out we should've been worrying about other humans. I died-

[ A flash of memory. Blood creeping over her vision. Pain. A determination to kill- ]

The world ended. I came back. Then I got brought here. That's about it. [ Except there's so much more emotion to it. So much pain and hurt and regret tangled up that she doesn't think she'll ever get it straight. ]

[earthborn]

I died too.

[Shepard holds it tight, but the memory is intense, gasping against hypoxia and the cold creeping in... She knows how Asuka feels. She understands, in a way that you can't unless you've been there.]

Also came back. Welcome to the undead club.

[Seviilia must be fucking thrilled]

Eva. Those are the-- the giant robots? Can't lie, that's pretty badass.

[C'mon, kid. Keep it light.]

[redheadcarrier]

[ Her eye widens and her gaze slides to Shepard and holds her there for a moment. She's not lying. Right? That would just be cruel. No; there's truth to the words. A look in her eye that says Asuka can believe her. At least for this one moment. ]

...so you know how that feels.

[ Then she moves past it. The not-so-subtle flattery works a little. Not as much as it might've months ago, but it makes her spine straighten a little. ]

Yeah! And I was the best at it. I was good.

[ Until Ikari became the golden boy, anyway. ]

I spent my whole life preparing for it.

[earthborn]

[It's not flatery if it's deserved. Giant robots are cool, okay? An piloting giant robots is as if cool were a proper noun.]

It sounds like a pain in the ass.

[Shepard grew up on the streets, no family, few real friends, almost no one she could trust. By the time she was Asuka's age, she was running drugs for the Reds. Joining the military had lent her a much-needed stability, but the loss of freedom had been stunning.]

Hard to have a life, like that. I joined up when I wasn't a lot older than you-- still, why start so early?

[redheadcarrier]

[ She could tell Shepard her life story, but Asuka has never been an open book. She doesn't like talking about her mother or her death or everything that came after. It's uncomfortable. An unpleasant memory that she doesn't like to think about. So she pushes back to her feet with a shrug instead, shoving some of her hair back over her shoulder with one hand. ]

I was selected. I wasn't going to turn it down.

[ And she wanted people to admire her. To look at her and find her worthy (and at the same time, she wanted to be untouchable; to not have to rely on them). ]

Do I need another reason?

[earthborn]

You might. I don't.

[Shepard stretches, and the joints all along her back audible crackle and pop as she releases the tension. Long day, and she's not done yet. Gotta make the rounds.]

Well, you don't lack for confidence. But I should go hit the showers. [She stands, still flexing one stubborn shoulder back into shape.] Tomorrow morning.

[redheadcarrier]

Fine by me.

[ Asuka rolls her own neck out and then settles her weight, still staring at Shepard. This is going to be... interesting. ]

Guess I'll see you tomorrow.