[closed]

[adamance]

CHARACTERS: Lexa and Addison Parker
WHERE: The Bearings.
WHEN: DAY :027
SUMMARY: Lexa has decided to try to boss people around some more so she's going back to Parker, who she failed to boss around, to try to boss her around period.
WARNINGS: Likely violence. Will be updated to be more specific if needed.

[Feeling successful is hardly a thing that propels Lexa into doing more things to feel accomplished. Her life is not one that is full of failure necessarily. Yes, she has had to deal with loss, deal with her own mistakes, and has even most recently dealt with the knowledge that she both dies and leaves behind a world that falls apart in her absence, but it's not as if she gets a rush from doing things. Instead, Lexa is more an individual who feels as if it is her duty to handle matters. After several months as a Host, the pieces are beginning to come together for her in how to assert herself without losing herself.

If nothing else, it has offered her some sustained semblance of control. Will it remain? That is yet to be seen.

But it is a matter of accomplishing things that brings her to Addison Parker's door. It's a place where she's come before, and this time, she senses whether the woman is inside when she comes to stand outside of it. Sensing her presence, she raises her hand to knock, though she (quite frankly) doesn't expect a response.

It's not that Lexa cares about getting off on the "wrong foot" with others. Most of her sentiments toward that lie in whether or not that will inconvenience her. (For instance: not seeing eye to eye with Rhys or Ahsoka is a problem because her stability depends upon them. That doesn't mean she likes that fact, simply that it's the truth.) Still, her impression of Parker had been that she could be a useful ally, especially following her conversation with Bellamy a week prior. Neither Bellamy nor Lexa trusts the Nest.

Who else doesn't?

Parker. She was about as subtle as a sledgehammer piercing concrete about that particular matter.

So, that's why she's knocking. She's prepared to assert herself more fully if the woman doesn't answer, but she hopes it doesn't come to that. This is a diplomatic olive branch of sorts.]

Comments

[unfavoured]

[ On that, she might just be right. Parker doesn't care much for the people around her. They aren't her people, they aren't acting from their own beliefs, but rather from what they have been told. But the thing is, Parker cares much less about the Nest. In fact, there is blatant disregard for it or its objectives. Cathaway and Prince are nothing if not figures of authority with no just cause - and if they do have it, the point is moot because they will not disclose it. That is what tyrants do. That is what governments elected by the rich and powerful do.

That is what Parker dismantles, back home. She isn't anarchy. She is merely rebellion. As starting point.

Diplomacy could have been a good approach for most, but Parker doesn't care much for it. She would rather have honesty, raw, unabridged, unfiltered. Honesty is the rarest of things, regardless of the galaxy you are in, apparently. Sincerity is a dying art. Even if brutal, it is the truth that Parker always chases. It is the driving force of her motivation. Or, well, one of them. Heroism is for people who are more noble than she will ever be. She has no cause for heroism. Her cause is for the right thing to do. And the right thing to do not always aligns with the heroic vision of the truth (it is not one of complete honesty, neither an easy path). ]

What do you want?

[ She's quick to reply, no patience, tired, sore, doesn't care to beat around the bush. She also has absolutely no intentions of being understood by others or having a good image or people being right or wrong about her. She wants to prove herself to the world on her own convoluted terms. ]

[adamance]

[Truthfully, she would rather do this elsewhere: on the roof, out in the city, somewhere else, but Lexa has the feeling that a more private location will put Parker on edge. That won't be useful for any of them. If she is to be Parker's enemy, she'd rather do it with transparency, rather than with what came before: assumptions, believing that Lexa promotes the Nest, and everything in-between. It's nothing if not foolish, and it will make Parker a burden, the person offered up on the front lines. Does she want that?

It's possible that she does, but Lexa doesn't know for certain. Maybe she did come here to die, but away from her people. Maybe she is not unlike Angel in that she thinks it's better to die away from her world rather than on it and burdening it. But for some reason, she doesn't think so.]

You believed that I'm interested in this arrangement we've found ourselves in. [Just the other day, she had to outline that this isn't true of most people in the Nest. Some are more emotional about it. Some are ... Lexa, who hates having emotions because they weaken her, leaving her bare to the world.] That I'm a proponent for the Nest and its Hosts instead of individuals. That is where you are wrong.

I believe that we have been brought into an endless war for some reason. But one part of that is a loss of our autonomy. That is something that I cannot abide by.

[Offering her mind, soul, and spirit to her people is one thing.

Doing it to someone who is decidedly not her people, without all the answers available to her, is another. Yes, she can care about people here without adopting them as her people, and she knows there may come a day when she has to sever ties with Angel, accepting their disparate paths they've chosen to take. It may come sooner, and it may come later. But it will come.]

[unfavoured]

[ Parker would be comfortable on a rooftop. If she got tired of her she could jump leap her way into peace and leave Lexa behind (unless she could keep up, but then again, at least it would entertain her more than where this conversation is going). She brings a hand to her face to rub her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. She drops it heavily by her side then, looking at her with an almost exasperated look, eyebrows raised. ]

Why do you think I care? Did you give you that impression? [ Her tone is surprisingly neutral, rather than acidic like the words seem to carry, but she has never been good with expressing herself through the spoken art. The antithesis of the avid reader she is, surprisingly. ] And moreover, why do you even damn care what I believe or don't?

[ Parker doesn't play well with others. Not something hard to gather from the adamant rejection; more than the fact it is an invasion of her mind, privacy she takes very seriously, she doesn't trust any of these people. She doesn't want to, either. ]

I don't give a damn what you abide by or don't. You're willing to fight a war that you don't even know the purpose of. [ Parker pushes her shoulders up, clearly getting angry from just having to explain this to her-- that she doesn't want to explain, but talking over the pulse within her makes her grasp better at her control. Turning to violence, to anger, makes her feel more in control. She isn't some noble creature that rules herself by peace and honour. That is the stuff of fairy tales and bedtime stories. ] You're willing to stand by something you don't even know what it is. [ If she straight out called her an idiot, the tone would be the same. ]

I'm not here for any purpose. I'm not here to fulfil some grand destiny. [ Parker mock laughs, which is more of a humourless scoff. ] I'm here because I was told saying yes was the only way to save myself.

[ Parker is no liar. The words come clear cut and clean. But it is not the reason she came here. She said yes because she thought it was the only way to allow the rebellion to push through and carry out their mission. She said yes because she wanted to save them all, because she didn't want anyone else to die again, because she couldn't handle the thought of it.

However, she deeply believes she said yes because she was a coward, and this shithole is her penance.

It doesn't mean she is willing to stand idle with no purpose. She is without one, but she will find a purpose soon enough (already found it, the truth, always that, but it takes many paths). ]

[adamance]

Because of what you said before. It was my supposed involvement in this Nest and attachment that made you reject my help. Now, you insist that this doesn't matter to you. So, which is it? [Lexa doesn't know where any of her other words came from. "Grand destiny"? The "Grand Destiny" of Lexa's life is back home with her people where she belongs, but she isn't allowed to return there unless she endangers them. She doesn't believe there is a "grand destiny" involved, just a whole lot of people being duped to maintain a certain species.

(Or that's one of her working theories, but it works out in some way.)

She would acknowledge the other words (especially the point where Parker chose to point out that she's an idiot for some reason), but she decides to dismiss them. She wonders if Parker even knows what it is that she believes, so she'll take one point at a time and hope that the woman understands.

Otherwise, she really will be a liability. Someone who can't even figure out what her beliefs are in all of this will likely betray them because of some notion that it's the right way out. As far as Lexa's concerned, that's foolish.]

[unfavoured]

[ It was hyperbole, really.

What isn't is the fact that, if offered the opportunity to return to her world with the absolute guarantee that it would not be harmed, she would throw them all under a bus very quickly. On that, Lexa nailed it. Not that she cares to hide that. Her disregard and disrespect is blatant, but it is the only way she knows how to behave. She has never been one to dissimulate her intentions, unless absolutely necessary. Parker was the right arm of the Rebellion before she took over as the leader. You don't carry out that burden by hiding. You scream loudly, you burn your lungs, as you shout your belief in the face of oppression.

But that is neither here or there. Parker jaw sets, annoyed tell. Frowns, eyes set on hers. ]

Your help? That's what you call it? [ She stares at her for a beat, mock disbelief in her face, before scrunching her nose and shaking her head. ] Jesus. [ She's too awake to go back to bed now. So instead she slams the door shut behind her and moves forward, getting in Lexa's personal space to try and make her move. ]

Seriously, what do you want? What's your point? Either do something useful or get the hell out of my way.

[adamance]

[Not that it likely even needs to be mentioned, but she doesn't move. Lexa's head tilts back ever so slightly, nose pointed forward and eyes half-lidded with a face of apathy. At least: that is what she's rejecting. Beneath it all, there is a sense of disbelief in how correct her original notions were: this woman is insipid, unable to take things even step by step. She only wishes to be angry, a person without a cause.

(If she knew of the James Dean movie, it would be suitable here as a title.)]

My goal is not to fight their war. My war is the question of the chicken or the egg. [Even among her people, this kind of statement remains, ushered throughout the years while being passed down. Naturally, it really had only been a hundred years.]

I have my own war and my own people to return to, but we are told to acclimate and give in to them. I would have thought that would appeal to you. As for the question of the chicken and eggs, let me be clear: did the Enemy we face arise because of the symbiote, or did the symbiote come into existence because of the Enemy? The lack of information we have is obvious, and we are meant to become one and no longer ask questions.

[Still, her head doesn't lower, nor does she step back, But her eyes open slightly more, meeting Parker's with a hard gaze.]

You assume incorrectly that you're the only one asking questions. You think yourself so better than the rest of us. I am offering you an opportunity to work with people who don't want to become a slave like them. [If she's even asking questions, but Lexa will act as if she is. Perhaps she's not. Perhaps she will say it's nothing more than a conspiracy theory run wild.]

[unfavoured]

[ Whatever Lexa's perspective of Parker is, she does not seem to be bothered to neither change or correct her. Why would she? She doesn't plan on wasting any time - be it with her or any other in this place.

Parker stares at her for a second in silence after her first words and then her face slowly turns into one of both disbelief and mockery. ]

That's a really stupid question.

[ It isn't, she just doesn't care to listen to her nor give her reason. If she is to find any answers, she has decided, that she doesn't want anyone from here to get in on it. She doesn't trust any of them. Much less someone that insists on carrying herself like some kind of leader of the pack. Parker's respect for people who try to push authority on to her is about as much as there is sound in space.

She steps away from her then, since she isn't moving and she is both too tired and too sore to make her get out of her way. She has a slight slump to her shoulder, still hurting from the fall she had taken during the escape from the Ven Towers. Makes sure she has the distance that tells her she is clearly not interested in being part of whatever gang she has going on. She works only with those she trusts and right now, she doesn't trust anyone nor plans on starting to. ]

I don't know or care who you think you are. I don't care what you think I am. But make sure you get it through your thick head: I'm not interested in anything you have to offer. [ Mocking her words, like making sure she understands they don't mean anything to her. ] Go get your dogs elsewhere. I'm not one of them.

[adamance]

[Irritation flares up inside of her, but only briefly. It occurs to her that this woman has a death wish: she wants to be placed into a position where she is killed off because she is too stubborn to be worth much else. As someone who trusts few, Lexa still cannot help but see how Parker does more than just limit herself. She is blindly stubborn to the point of ignorance. It will cost her.]

That's not what I'm offering. [Lexa wonders how Clarke might handle someone like this. From what Lexa's seen, many of the hundred who came down with her weren't unlike this, albeit a little younger. Stubborn yet ruthless. Unwilling to give up a fight even if it was a stupid idea. All of them would have been dead without Clarke and the mechanic from all observations.]

Why did you come here if not to live? To take your chances with this opportunity? [Her words are careful. What she really wants to ask is this: why does she have a death wish?

A woman like this is a problem. Anyone with eyes would be able to see it, and what it could mean for the rest of them.]