station72 | mental link, v important questions;

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mental link, v important questions;

(Tell me, have any of you spoken to Cathaway within the last two months.)

[The newer Hosts are the most likely suspects, but perhaps through the link—

Perhaps he feels nothing not because of distance, but because she's chosen to keep him locked out. The possibility is a nagging itch at the base of his skull; he'd rather know for certain.]

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(So do I.)

[He was, after all, meant for a blunt, brutal sort of honesty.]

(It won't be long now. I feel it.)

( I think it's not knowing how long we're stuck here that makes it worse. )

[ He's done plenty of tripping around the galaxy on his own, after all - but he usually has an idea of how long he's going to be away, even when he's headed to some absolute armpit of known space like Oblitus.

Here, though...here, not really having a clear idea of what they have to do to get off is driving him nuts. ]

(Carata and Nirad have been here for some time: they reached for us out of desperation - I refuse to believe we'll prove just as ineffective.)

[They've already stirred the hornet's nest. Now all they need to do is turn it to their advantage, rather than letting it wound them any further.]

( They have? Didn't realize that. )

[ He'd always gotten the impression that they'd been around the nest longer, sure, but showing up late, he'd assumed they had arrived on Concordia with the rest of the group. Huh.

That actually makes things look better - that for better or for worse, at least their arrival is making things happen. ]

[That's right - Sam was a latecomer. Most of the time Ren hardly keeps track of which hosts arrive when, but sometimes (moments like these, usually) it shows.]

(Our first mission was much more simple.

—still, it didn't end well.)

[This one at least has merit.]

( How'd it go? I never heard anything about that one. )

(You wouldn't. Most of the others aren't proud of what happened.)

[Nor should they be, really.] (We succeeded, but unrelated confrontations between another host and one of the local merchants sparked retaliation. A host named Adam Parker was killed, essentially for nothing.)

( For nothing? )

[ At least if it had meant something... Anakin's death, as senseless and pointless as it was, had come during an investigation that they managed to get a bit of something out of, even if it was hard to say how much help the Mind Life connection was actually going to be. It didn't come close to making things okay, but it was easier to reconcile. ]

(He had done nothing, caused no harm to anyone and his death gave us nothing but Cathaway and Prince's ire.)

[He had no love of Adam Parker, but...

Well, suffering the punishment and blame for his loss was more than unpleasant.]

( Did they do anything? Like, lectures? Disapproving frowny faces? Anything more? )

[ What are the consequences of failure in this group, anyway? He never did find out. ]

(Prince lectured. Incessantly.)

[He bore the brunt of that blame, but it was only because Ilde was considered too gentle, too fragile, to face the consequences of what she had done. He, on the other hand, had only fought off the locals that attacked his brood; he'd done what he was meant to, and still, he was the one that was considered faulty.]

(Cathaway grieved.)

[ Well. Could...be worse, although on the other hand, the feeling of someone else dying through the mental link (and, you know, the fact that an innocent person died) were probably bad enough without adding much else. ]

( That's all that happens if we screw up bad enough that someone dies? A few lectures, and we make Space Mom sad? )

[ Not...quite what he was expecting. ]

( No. )

[In this case, unique as they now all are in their connection, authority isn't the deterrent.]

( It is the pain that wracks the most. ) [Even now, he feels it - something sharp as glass in his lungs, remembering what it had been like to lose Anakin Skywalker in the blink of an eye. To feel so much, and then nothing. Less than nothing. Phantom pain, knotted scar tissue.] ( The brood that's cut will never heal, never forget, and their pain spreads. It corrupts everything.

Prince and Cathaway aren't responsible for our grief, they only remind us of it. )

[ He remembers when it happened. It hurt, more than he thought anything should be able to hurt. But that had passed, and there was a point where he was pretty sure whatever of it lingered was just echoes from the people who really had been closer to Anakin. It wasn't his brood.

And most of the others in the nest are better than Sam at not projecting their feelings like they're yelling all the time, he realizes. ]

( It still hurts. ) [ He's not talking about himself, but it's not a question. ] ( What it felt like for the rest of us, when it happened - is that what it's like for your brood, all the time? )

[ Time is supposed to help. Adding distance between yourself and whatever happened. He knows that well enough; he'll never forget the Watcher's death, but it doesn't feel as sharp as it used to. It's not casting a shadow over every moment.

But things are different here. ]

[Somewhere else, he regrets adhering them both to this topic. Knits his fingers together and bears down with his thumbs against the span of opposite palms, a pressure Sam might feel, if he's careful enough to attune himself to it.]

( Yes. )

[Made worse by their shared bond through the Force, an abscess he can always sense in quieter moments, when the straining chatter of the Nest fades and he's left alone with his thoughts.]

[ Maybe he shouldn't have asked. There's not really anything good to say to that - at least, nothing that doesn't sound trite and inadequate, and Sam hates trite and inadequate enough himself that he's not about to do it to anyone else. ]

[He's forgotten what the original path had been; he doesn't care to ask, or to consider it.

Instead something's drawn out across the line, like an exhaled breath— like letting go— and for a little while it hardly feels like Ren's steadfast, cruel heart across the line.]

( You've done well in your training.

Perhaps with your growth we'll lose less to our enemies in the future. )

[ That catches him off-guard. That's...not what he's used to seeing. Not what he expects to hear, either, really.

Ren's just...Ren. Kind of a dickhead, no manners, leaves his dirty dishes in the kitchen and doesn't care about collateral damage on people who aren't theirs (maybe sometimes on people who are?). Has some good points about the training stuff, sometimes, but rides Sam hard about it and usually seems to consider "too much, time to take a break" in terms of "my shoes are in direct danger of being puked on if this goes any longer."

But that was a compliment, and the feeling across the link is...not so much "dickhead" and a lot more "human."

He's not quite sure how to take that. ]

( Thanks. )

[This time, it's Ren that says nothing - thinks less. For a moment he's there, a reassuring pressure at Sam's shoulder through both the Force and their symbiotic bond, and then he's gone. Retreated back into his own space and whatever misery (and self-righteousness) it houses.

That's enough holding figurative hands for today. Tomorrow. Possibly even the next month.

Or ten.]

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mental link, v important questions;

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