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day 45....... ish??
( Goram Saffit has granted us an audience. )
[ SOMEONE HAS BEEN A stressed maniac BUSY BEE BEHIND SCENES, WOW!! ]
( Three of us have been permitted to meet Saffit in person - myself, Carata and Aoba. We will be utilizing this time to investigate him as a potential source of this turmoil, and searching for further information.
We will be meeting at one of his fundraising benefits in two days. Those who wish to attend may wish to make use of the Station's credit line for something nice to wear, as well as find themselves a plus one. If you are in attendance, feel free to investigate other attendees for anything you find suspect or informative. And note that most of the people in attendance are against the synthetic personhood movement. )
[ try not to harm them...... keyword: ""TRY"" he knows y'all well enough....
also, eppy wanted sparkle text so: 
. ]
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[ That's too bad. The anti-synth and ritzy crowd might not be to Aoba or Shiro's tastes, but the food should be. And doesn't Shiro really like food? ]
If I wasn't stuck as The Darkling's plus one, I would've asked you. The food is supposed to be great. I still owe you for taking me back to bearings that night... maybe another time.
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[It doesn't help the last party he went to ended in the Castle being attacked, one of his team comatose, and everyone in mortal peril. Again. Even if this is a vastly different scenario... the track record doesn't help anything.]
(You don't owe me for anything. Please don't think that.)
[Dammit though. Does he really want to brave the party atmosphere just for food? Especially food he didn't have to bother someone else for...]
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[ Anything to get them closer to the end of this mission. As much as Concordia reminds him of home, he's ready to not be living undercover in a city where bombs keep going off. If that means dressing up and digging around in someone else's mind for information, so be it. ]
Angel and I found a noodle place that's almost like udon, if you can get past the colors in the soup being all wrong. They do take-out, so maybe after the party I'll get you some.
[ He's ignoring Shiro's humbleness on purpose. He owes him, really. That night sucked - he was embarrassed but grateful to get back to Bearings so swiftly. The aftermath of using his abilities is terrible... he's not exactly looking forward to doing it at the fundraiser, but again, anything to progress the mission. ]
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[Because yeah, he remembers how those side effects all shake down. He probably shouldn't be as concerned as he is -- this guy probably knows the risks. Probably accepted them. But he can't help it.]
[It's a habit anymore.]
(You really don't have to do that. I can find it on my own. Especially if you're going to be working this party.)
[Translation: don't worry about me because you've probably got enough on your mind, bruh.]
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[ He does know the risk, and by the sound of it he's already accepted the pain that comes with it. The only way to get better at using his powers is to practice, right? It's not exactly an easy or casual thing to practice, rooting around in someone else's head. Whatever the cost, he'll take the chance. Perhaps someday the headaches will get easier, and he won't have to rely so much on others. ]
I'm sure The Darkling and the others attending will be able to get me out, like you got me out of that street.
[ There's the tiniest hint of uncertainty in his mental voice. He's scared and unable to cover all of it. He doesn't entirely trust The Darkling, and doesn't know Carata well enough either. He's not exactly thrilled to be stuck as The Darkling's date either.
He would feel safer with someone like Shiro there, but he won't pressure him into attending if he really doesn't want to go. ]
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[He would accept those risks. But not everyone is Shiro-What-Is-Personal-Safety.]
[And then comes the next sentence. That wavering of uncertainty. And all of his newly-found, Leader Of Voltron instincts are pricked. That lack of surety. He's grimacing. He already knows what he's got to do now... But damn it. Why is he like this?]
[Whose fault is this.]
(You're not really sure, are you?)
[His next words are paused, while he plants his face in his hands.]
(Would it help if... you had someone else there watching your back...?)
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[ There's a pause as it belatedly hits Aoba that... oh, his uncertainty had been showing after all. He needs to get better at containing that, starting with the embarrassment he's suddenly feeling. As comfortable as he is with using the mental link now, it's still so easy to feel exposed in the most unexpected ways. ]
Eh, sorry, was it that obvious? If you're offering to come for that reason, that's really kind of you... but even if you did, only The Darkling, Carata, and I will be seeing Saffit privately, and that's where I'll be... uh... performing extraction. So I have to trust them.
[ Even if he doesn't entirely - that much is still clear, as much as he tries to hide it. Whether Shiro comes along or not, this is happening. He's just trying to be brave, and do what needs to be done - surely Shiro can understand. Finishing the mission is long overdue. ]
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[It's never about what you want, when there's something important at stake. It's always about what you can do. How you can accomplish that important thing.]
[Whatever it is -- victory, or keeping someone from being hurt.]
(Just a little.)
[The explanation doesn't put him at ease as much as it probably should. "I have no other choice so I have to trust them" never sounds good. Whether or not there's no chance of getting in to the actual action -- which is probably best, given his overall lack of stealth skills -- it doesn't feel right to just walk away.]
(And afterward? If you're worse off than you were at the parade?)
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I guess I'll find out at the time. I haven't exactly been able to practice using Scrap very much.
[ And the side effects from the last time went so well. A migraine and terrible dreams. ]
When I enter someone's mind, my consciousness leaves my body. It'll be up to The Darkling and Carata to protect me while I'm like that. When I come back, I wake up, but... usually only for a few seconds. They'll need to carry me out unseen, or...
[ Or he'll be taken somewhere he doesn't know. Perhaps a hospital, where they might find some differences between his physicality and that of normal people on this planet. From there he'd be taken somewhere else, somewhere secret the other hosts couldn't find, and-
And his imagination is getting out of control. Are these thoughts even entirely his? From outside the connection, he takes a deep breath and pushes it back. He'll be fine. He has to believe he'll be fine. ]
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[It's a little bit of teasing. Just a bit. He's... not exactly sure where things stand, given -- other things that have happened. He's still willing to drag himself to this thing, stand in a corner like window dressing, but even so...]
[... this is awkward.]
(They're some kind of celebrity around here, aren't they? They've probably got the best chance at succeeding.)
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Uh... maybe. I won't be able to drink while I'm there because I need to keep a clear head, and if anyone notices it might be suspicious. And that was... that was so embarrassing, last time...
[ He vaguely remembers being steadied in Shiro's arms, then waking up later in his own bed, which means he was carried... and was probably seen being carried. By another guy. So embarrassing. Whatever Shiro says, the sense of shame he feels over that is real, and he truly does mean to make it up to him somehow.
The change of subject is welcomed, though. The static lessens, the awkward warmth and volume turning back down, his concerns shoved aside to worry about later. ]
The Darkling? Um... yeah I think so. A video game champion, or an up and coming one for... Bout it Out? I don't really care for games like that...
[ He hasn't been paying much attention to the tabloids, especially any involving Bout it Out. It's a game too much like Rhyme, and he hated that game back home. It was so annoying and whether you played it or not, there was no avoiding it. At least here virtual games seem to have better boundaries, and he can ignore them if he wants to. ]
I hope the press doesn't follow the both of us around much.
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[If someone needs help, you help. Carrying him wasn't a big deal, even if someone saw. It makes no difference to him.]
(I guess I don't understand why it would be. Embarrassing, I mean. The rest makes sense.)
[Something in him unwinds when the noise stops. Or, at least, calms down.]
[He remembers hearing the name of that game, though, and nods, like they're having a face-to-face conversation. But if Aoba hasn't been paying much attention, Shiro has been paying literally zero. There are tabloids here?]
(That's the game one of the bomb casualties played, right?) [He probably could have asked that better, whoops.] (I'd be prepared for hounding, if I were you. Sorry to say.)
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[ He hadn't been there, having just woken up from a deep symbiote induced coma. He's starting to believe the death in the Nest was what jarred him awake, but he doesn't want to think on it long either. He wasn't there, but feeling that loss upon waking - it's an upsetting memory.
Likewise with the whole carrying thing - not as awful, but still an uncomfortable thing to remember. And the mention of being targeted by the press doesn't help his nerves either. The static picks back up and doesn't abate this time, crackling in the back of his mind. ]
Yeah, I guess I'll have to be... ready for that too...
[ At the beginning of this conversation, he wasn't so worried about going to this event, but now... after reflecting on all that's weighing on him, he's grown incredibly nervous. ]
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[Rubbing his hands over his face doesn't do anything for the stress. But it's something to do with them.]
(Sorry. I'm probably not helping, am I?)
[He lets the silence hang a bit. Before he adds, reluctantly, but sincerely:]
(I'll play backup. If all else fails, I'll fall into a dessert tray or something. That'll... get some eyes my way.)
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He hasn't thought of him much, at least not with an open link in his mind, but Aoba is really missing Ren about now. Ren would know how to keep him calm. He'd say something assuring and logical to put everything back in a realistic perspective, then curl up in his lap and let him run his hands through his soft blue fur. Whether he's functional or not, that's the first thing Aoba is going to do when he's back on the station.
But for now, he comes back down. Or tries to. The static abates somewhat, the volume forced down. His mental control is wavering, but still holding. ]
If you want to help that way, I won't keep you from going, just... make sure it's what you want, Shiro.
[ He then narrows the his link to Shiro's mind, eager to find someplace quieter so he can nurse his anxiety with fonder memories. Memories of warm machinery humming beneath a layer of fluff, and of a little pink tongue that always stuck out.
What he would give to be alone with Ren again. All his worries about this, the party - no, Shiro isn't helping, but Ren would know how to. ]
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[He lets it trail off, feeling the link fade. And feeling the frustration accompanied by it. I'm sorry echoing around in his head again. Apologizing forever, it feels like.]
[Jut apologizing, when he really should be trying harder. Working harder not to put his foot in his mouth all the time. This was supposed to be a reassurance and it just ended up making things worse.]
[Wonderful.]
[Maybe talking, offering, at all wasn't a good idea to begin with. Not everyone needed someone looking after them. Did they?]
(I'll work on this.)
[He says. He thinks. He promises. Even if there isn't anyone actively listening. It feels better than leaving things in silence.]