station72 | day 002? ish?

[ Sam's been absent for a few days. And probably, he should've said something about that before the fact, as much as he'd like to stubbornly not admit that maybe Bruce had a point in there somewhere, but what's done is done - and now that he's been chewed out by the goddamned Batman, had a much nicer chat with Ilde, and maybe even caught a quick nap in there somewhere, he's got some findings to report.

You know, if anyone's into that. ]

( Hey. Uh, I guess we got new people? I'm Sam, sorry I wasn't around to meet you, but I was kinda busy.

Which is what this is about, actually. So I took a quick flight outside the station - except it wasn't actually that quick, see the "kinda busy" part - and it's...actually pretty weird out there? Dunno if anyone will find this stuff useful, but maybe it's at least interesting. )

[ Quick pause for him to organize his thoughts. Sam tends to be pretty transparent over the mental link, so there's a clear feeling almost like he's shuffling through notecards in front of the class. ]

( One: time is iffy out there. Apparently. It felt like things were getting a little fuzzy on my end, but definitely not "you've been gone for days and I'm gonna glare at you like your mom isn't here to" lengths of time. ) [ thx bruce B| ]

( Two: space is iffy, too. Like, it's weirdly hard to fly in a straight line away from this place kind of iffy. And if anyone was gonna make a crack about me just not being able to fly in a straight line anyway, bite me, I already thought of that. ) [ - which doesn't mean he can't fly in a straight llooommmmgggg that was so stupid, words are hard, he'd better just keep going - ] ( I tried using my helmet's auto-pilot and it was just as bad. It's like it doesn't...want you moving away from it?

Which brings me to three - ) [ He's ticking them off on his fingers and everything now. ] ( It's hard to get outside in the first place. Not physically. Like, mentally - and that's definitely weird because I can promise you that I've usually got zero problems with hopping out strange airlocks into alien space. But the farther out and the longer I was out there, the more it started to feel really...I dunno. Have you ever felt like you're really small and there's nothing for miles, except also really claustrophobic at the same time? Okay, that sounds kind of stupid. But it's the best I've got. ) [ He's trying not to project the memory of what that felt like everywhere, because just because his mental control is unimpressive doesn't mean he's not trying, okay. ]

( And four: no stars, nothing to navigate by out there. It's like "inside of a black hole" levels of nothing happening. )

[ When he finally stops rambling, there's a slightly awkward pause, like he's run out of words and isn't really sure what there is left to say, before - ]

( I guess that's everything I've got? So. If anybody was wondering. )

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[ It's comforting, on one hand, to know that they're this well-concealed. But that also means their enemy has required them to have such protection in place just to survive. That's the not comforting part. She has many, many questions but she's not entirely heartless. ]

( That sounds like a horrible feeling to go through. How are you holding up? )

[ Sam's life philosophy can largely be summed up as "don't admit being anything less than okay until everything builds up and you explode like a pressure cooker." His mental tone is nonchalant, but it's not so easy to hide over the mental link that his feelings don't quite match up. ]

( I'm cool. I mean, it sucked, but so does a lot of stuff, right? )

[ Having an alien bug in your brain that makes you feel like you're going to throw up every time someone lies in your presence has a way of putting things into perspective! ]

[ Dissonance. Maybe that's just an aspect of the human condition. There's something akin to a mental nod from her end. ]

( So does a lot of stuff. This will be really useful I'm sure, even if I don't yet know how. We'll have to see. So, thank you, Sam. )

[ An afterthought. ]

( I'm Misato, by the way. I don't know if this . . . thing tells you my name or not. )

( It seems like good stuff to know, even if I dunno how to use it for anything yet either. )

[ Mental shrug. Not many of them seem to do the tripping through space thing habitually, so what's useful to him, he has a harder time imagining being useful to everyone. But knowing seems better than not, either way. ]

( It doesn't. At least, if it's supposed to it's still not giving me any names, so. Nice to meet you. )

( It's useful to know what we're dealing with, what we've got on hand, if the station ever gets under attack. )

[ Did she just jinx it? Misato doesn't believe in such things as luck. We make our own luck. ]

( Finding it in the first place would be the hard part, I think. )

[ Since if they're in some kind of weird pocket space-wrinkle or whatever...yep. ]

( I sure hope so. To be really honest with you, I don't like not knowing what we have to work with, what we've got between us and those enemies. )

( I'm used to having to...make it up as I go along, pretty much.

But I also usually don't have this much time to think about it. )

[ It leaves room for all kinds of second-guessing that he wouldn't bother with, in the heat of the moment. ]

( Same here. )

[ There's something like hesitation on her hand, a held breath, someone hesitating before a threshold. ]

( Did you fly out there to run away? )

[ The symbiote's power has made him a lot more sensitive to lies from others, and he's become a lot more aware of his own, in turn. So he can't say he never thought about it, but - ]

( I don't know. I mean, it's occurred to me. But there are people here I'm worried about, too. )

[ And since they all had a few close calls on Concordia - and one who never made it back - now the idea of running out on them is starting to chafe on his sense of morality the same way everything else has, since he started up with the superheroing. There's always that thought of what if something happens and I could've stopped it? ]

( Mostly I just really missed flying. Being stuck on the ground for a month sucked. Everything else just seemed like I could figure it out after that. )

( We all need to get away sometimes. Recharge, sort out the mess in our heads, you know? All this is hard to swallow no matter how you dice it. )

[ If he lets it, there's the gentle sense of forgiveness coming from her no matter how misplaced, like a warm blanket, a pat on the back. Sometimes you hand to others what one wishes to be returned in kind. ]

( Anyway. I'm glad you made it back. )

( Yeah. Space used to be my place for that, but...looks like I might have to find a new one. )

[ He'll gladly take that sense of forgiveness, though. Sam's a little too used to thinking of himself as a screw-up. Not getting yelled at for taking off for a few days is more than welcome. ]

( Thanks. )

[ Misato would be the last person to claim to be nurturing, and yet. Somehow this feels normal. Second nature. ]

( What is it about space that you like? )

( It's just...it's a really good place to step back? Like nobody cares how many classes you're tanking or who your dad is or how much money you have. Everything looks small from orbit. And then everything feels like less of a big deal, because you can't really look at any of it without remembering that everything's not about you. )

[ There's a hum of acceptance from her end as she imagines what it must feel like. She wouldn't know. Being alone in a wide expanse without another soul for miles and miles brings with it terror rather than calm. ]

( When I need to step back, I usually go for a drive up some nice hillside. Just keep going, you know? )

[ Or drink. A lot. But he's a kid. Even Misato has boundaries. ]

( Yeah, makes sense. Sometimes I just want to keep moving because if I stop, I'll start thinking too hard. )

[ Not driving in his case, to be fair, but it's the same principle, probably. ]

( Are you me? My long-lost little brother? Don't answer that, anything you say would sound creepy. But I get you, thinking can be . . . perilous. )

( Going in without stopping to think has gotten me out of about as much trouble as it's gotten me into, so...I guess it's a tie. )

( I say, there's also something called intuition that some people like to dismiss. Sometimes, you just know what you have to do even if you can't explain it. Do you get that? )

( Yeah, definitely. )

day 002? ish?

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