Day 10ish

[shiro2hero]

(It's high time I did this.)

[Oh no, someone is gearing up for one of Those Speeches. Because one of their new arrivals ticked off a box in his head, and Sam's asking for training helped.]

[And he's tired of walking on eggshells.]

(I don't know how many of you were there when I found out what my Symbiote does. I sort of wish I hadn't. But. I can't change that.)

[Yeah apparently it made him the Space Hulk. And it took at least two people to keep him from ripping someone's face off.]

(What I can do is control it. I just need to know where to start.)

(So I'm taking a lead from Sam Wilson. Asking if anyone is willing to help. I... don't think I can promise no one will get hurt, but if we're careful, maybe it'll just be me.)

[And he can live with that.]

Comments

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Like hell it will. It's his first, kneejerk response to that, especially when he says it after Shiro says he's taking the lead from him - but that's not really fair, considering Sam had basically said the exact same thing.

Damn it. ]

( I'll be there. )

[miscreant]

[She asks this.....later, when she's thinking about it again.]

( What does your symbiote do? )

[shiro2hero]

[So there, buddy. How's it feel now?]

[He doesn't say that, though, or even really think it.]

(I knew you'd say that.)

[headinjuries]

( Uh. Can you be a little less vague for everyone who wasn't there? )

[shiro2hero]

[S'up cold friend.]

(I don't know the full extent of it. It's angry. And strong. When it cuts loose, it makes me both of those things, too.)

(Right now, I don't know how to control it.)

[shiro2hero]

(Ever heard the phrase, "you won't like me when I'm angry"?)

[headinjuries]

( Oh my God, are you saying you're like the Space Hulk? )

[vocalis]

[ Aoba was there when Shiro discovered his symbiote ability, and... he also wasn't. It's complicated, but the part of his mind that answers to the link has no recollection of that dreadful night in Bearings. ]

What is your symbiote ability, Shiro?

[ His mental voice is clear, stable, and perfectly, innocently curious. ]

Whatever it is, I'd like to help... I don't want you to get hurt.

[shiro2hero]

(... yeah that's.)

(Pretty much what I'm getting at.)

[shiro2hero]

[He doesn't answer until he gets it under control, but his first reaction is to pull away. Because the memory is so starkly clear.]

[Especially talking to Aoba, of all people. But that isn't Aoba's fault. Not by a long shot.]

(Not something I know how to turn on or off. It... just happened, once.)

(I know it's angry. Strong. And when it does activate... I am too.)

[headinjuries]

( Um. So, I got punched clear to Paris by the Hulk back home once.

I can take some pretty big hits, is what I guess I'm saying. )

[ It's about as much fun as dental work, but he can absolutely understand the feeling of "I need to get this under control, stat." ]

[shiro2hero]

(Wait, what?)

[The Hulk is real what.]

[... never mind, that's not important.]

(I wish I could say that's more helpful than it is... but I don't even know how to turn it on.)

[headinjuries]

( What pisses you off? )

[ That sounds like the logical place to start. ]

[miscreant]

( Have you considered that your lack of control may perhaps be required for it to function as intended? )

[She's kind of an expert on this subject.]

( What stopped you before? )

[vocalis]

[ The silence confuses him for a moment, like he's answered a call but the line suddenly isn't working. Aoba keeps his connection open and his mind patient, his curiosity radiating from a genuine desire to help. ]

Anger? So it's... conscious?

[ There's an unspoken feeling of sympathy. He can relate... sort of. Sometimes it feels like his body is moving and speaking on it's own, but he can never remember those times. They're dreamlike, distant... come to think of it, he might've had one of those dreams involving Shiro.

It's a thought he keeps safely muted. ]

I'm sorry I wasn't there... maybe I can help control it with my voice, if it gets out of hand.

[shiro2hero]

(What do you mean by that?)

[He'll take anything.]

(Someone gave me an order. Either that or... I just wore myself out. It's hard to remember which happened first.)

[shiro2hero]

(To be honest?)

(Not a whole lot.)

[Annoyed? Yes. Angry? Not so much.]

[shiro2hero]

(It wasn't. Not... the last time it happened. I thought it was just a memory for a while, but then I wasn't... me.)

[Then everything had been out of control, and he'd been too angry to stop himself. Too tired of everything pushing him down, of being afraid.]

(Voice...)

[It's a thoughtful word. Acknowledging Aoba's offer, and at the same time, remembering-- Pidge's voice yelling at him from memory, the Darkling's command...]

(Someone's voice did help. To slow it down a little. So maybe that's not a bad idea.)

[miscreant]

( I mean that you may perhaps not be able to consciously control it. )

[Mmmmmmmmm yup that sure sounds like some SCOURGE BULLSHIT.]

( You higher functions are reduced so your energy is put toward destruction, thus requiring you to rely on someone else to direct your fury. I am familiar with the phenomenon. )

[vocalis]

Not you...?

[ He sounds worried, and that feeling of being able to relate surfaces for Shiro to see. Only because he allows it to. It might help... though whether he thinks it'll help Shiro or himself, he's not really sure. ]

I haven't used it much, but I've never encountered anyone my voice doesn't work on... or anything.

[ He's trying to sound confident. Even now his voice is clear and steady, the signature static of his connection barely registers. Shiro isn't the only one who's been practicing with the symbiote. ]

I can just... be there in case anything goes wrong when you decide to practice.

[shiro2hero]

(No offense, but I really hope not. It wouldn't be good.)

[For a lot of reasons. But she sounds like she knows what she's talking about -- so hell yes, he'll listen.]

(That would make sense, all things considered.)

(Does this happen, where you're from?)

[miscreant]

( You should consider it as a likely possibility, given your circumstance. )

[She's privately a little insulted.]

( Yes. Often. )

[Because coming right out and saying "Actually I could lose control at any second" is not a super good idea.]

[shiro2hero]

(I can consider it, and still hope it isn't that way.)

(So there's no way to know what will set it off next?)

[shiro2hero]

(Not me. I've never been that angry in my entire life.)

[Not that he can remember, anyway. And not when it wasn't for show. Part of him is grateful for Aoba offering that reassurance, but at the same time... it smacks of the reason he's making this request at all.]

(That's good to know. Just in case.)

[He'll take whatever safeguards he can get. If need be.]

(It was Pidge and the Darkling, last time. But I can't rely on them forever. So... knowing someone else can pull me back helps on its own.)

[miscreant]

( We exist in a symbiotic relationship. Rage. Danger to the host. Danger to the Nest. Perhaps a particularly convincing argument from another Host. )