Day 10ish

[shiro2hero]

(It's high time I did this.)

[Oh no, someone is gearing up for one of Those Speeches. Because one of their new arrivals ticked off a box in his head, and Sam's asking for training helped.]

[And he's tired of walking on eggshells.]

(I don't know how many of you were there when I found out what my Symbiote does. I sort of wish I hadn't. But. I can't change that.)

[Yeah apparently it made him the Space Hulk. And it took at least two people to keep him from ripping someone's face off.]

(What I can do is control it. I just need to know where to start.)

(So I'm taking a lead from Sam Wilson. Asking if anyone is willing to help. I... don't think I can promise no one will get hurt, but if we're careful, maybe it'll just be me.)

[And he can live with that.]

Comments

[miscreant]

( Have you considered that your lack of control may perhaps be required for it to function as intended? )

[She's kind of an expert on this subject.]

( What stopped you before? )

[shiro2hero]

(What do you mean by that?)

[He'll take anything.]

(Someone gave me an order. Either that or... I just wore myself out. It's hard to remember which happened first.)

[miscreant]

( I mean that you may perhaps not be able to consciously control it. )

[Mmmmmmmmm yup that sure sounds like some SCOURGE BULLSHIT.]

( You higher functions are reduced so your energy is put toward destruction, thus requiring you to rely on someone else to direct your fury. I am familiar with the phenomenon. )

[shiro2hero]

(No offense, but I really hope not. It wouldn't be good.)

[For a lot of reasons. But she sounds like she knows what she's talking about -- so hell yes, he'll listen.]

(That would make sense, all things considered.)

(Does this happen, where you're from?)

[miscreant]

( You should consider it as a likely possibility, given your circumstance. )

[She's privately a little insulted.]

( Yes. Often. )

[Because coming right out and saying "Actually I could lose control at any second" is not a super good idea.]

[shiro2hero]

(I can consider it, and still hope it isn't that way.)

(So there's no way to know what will set it off next?)

[miscreant]

( We exist in a symbiotic relationship. Rage. Danger to the host. Danger to the Nest. Perhaps a particularly convincing argument from another Host. )

[shiro2hero]

[Part of him wants to refute what she's telling him. That he'd been in dangerous situations here, but never flipped out like that time.]

[But then again...]

(Have you ever heard the term 'flashback'? It's related, I promise.)

[miscreant]

( Relatively speaking, yes. A vision from the past. )

[shiro2hero]

(Then that makes this easier to explain.)

(... because I'm pretty sure that's what triggered it. The first time.)

[miscreant]

( A memory? Of your's? )

[shiro2hero]

(Yeah. There's... a lot of those.)

(Something that happened here brought it up, and I couldn't stop it. Then the symbiote took over.)

[miscreant]

[Hm. That's different. Her traumatic memories would not have triggered a violent response -- perhaps because she had grown numb to them.

--but perhaps if she had been exposed to the torment of the Light again, she might allow herself to go insane.]

( My stance on the matter does not change. If your mind experiences trauma, I would gather that to be enough for a symbiotic organism to believe you were in danger, especially if the trauma is similar to past experiences. )

[shiro2hero]

(So... if I get the thing I can control back in order...) [Meaning, the broken brain, the trauma. The part of him he still thinks is just beyond repair.] (... could it be easier to use the symbiote at will?)

(In your experience, I mean?)

[miscreant]

( Perhaps. You may not resist what comes with it, but you may make the conscious decision to surrender to it. )

[Better than nothing.]

( Such discipline often takes years to master. )

[shiro2hero]

(A step forward is a step forward.)

[It is better than nothing. All the better to keep other people safe. Keep his people safe...]

(We might be here that long. I'll try anything.)