station72 | when were you happy? (open)

Entry tags:

when were you happy? (open)

CHARACTERS: Beth and YOU
WHERE: here there and everywhere
WHEN: any day and every day
SUMMARY: open prompts for downtime. if you'd like something specific hit me up at

pineappamatic!
WARNINGS: N/A! will update as necessary

i. hello, it's me

[Beth doesn't like the sensation of the mental link, like a lot of people. She feels like it's been enough time that she should be used to it by now, but she isn't. She doesn't mind people seeing into her head, though, as much as she feels like she's infringing on others' boundaries, or inflicting the tangled mess of her mind on them.

So, she's making a point to meet and get to know everyone. Really get to know them, the old fashioned way. Where people reveal information about themselves as they feel comfortable.

It's kind of a tall order, but she's trying.

It could be anywhere: in the rec wing or the nesting deck or just in a hallway. The ice doesn't need to be broken first, either; if Beth makes eye contact with a stranger long enough, she'll muster up the courage to break it herself, stepping forward enough to catch their eye.]

Hi. [Her voice is soft but her eyes are steady. She holds her hand out to shake.] I'm Beth. I don't think we've met before.

ii. push it

[On occasion, Beth can be found in the training wing. There isn't a set pattern to when she shows up; it's more that there are good days and bad days, and on her bad days she feels a need to be productive. She needs to be better. Stronger. She can't get complacent or comfortable. This place isn't any safer than where she came from, it's just a different kind of danger.

The thing is, though, she's small. And she's never had any sort of proper training regimen; most of what she knows is a combination of physical feats made in fight-or-flight situations and what people could teach her in the scant moments of spare time they could find back at the prison.

But she can start by lifting some weights.]

'Scuse me. [She points at a set of hand weights that they may or may not be standing in front of.] Can I get at those?

iv. choose your own adventure

[Hit me with a prompt of your own, or let me know if you'd like to plot out something else!]

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I don't know.

[It's not an answer. She knows that. She also knows that there probably isn't anyone here who can give them a good one. She's quiet for a second, looking down at where she's twisting her fingers together. She can't blame Katie for feeling that way, even if Beth is more resignation than unhappiness.]

I think... Some things just happen. They're not always someone's fault. I woulda died if they hadn't brought me here. [A beat. She looks up, even if she's not quite smiling.] I hope we can go back home. Someday. Till then we just gotta keep goin' forward. You know?

I -- yeah. I know.

[ Katie's shoulders slump a little. She has a lot of feelings about being here and what else she could be doing with her time and the people that she's not going to be able to help. Her fingers drum against her upper thighs as she thinks. ]

There's just so much I don't understand and so much I want to do and I... can't. At least not here.

I know. I feel that way too, a lot of the time.

[There's a lot she left behind. People she loves, who might need her and who she might now really never see again. She does smile, but it's a little sad, commiserating.]

I'm sorry. I know it's not easy. I kinda feel like... I'm just sitting around, when there's so much else I could be doing.

[ That sort of sadness is one that Pidge (Katie) is used to. It's one that tugs at her every day she spends on the Station or stuck with this crew. Every day feels like that, like she's getting farther and farther away from a pair of people who she desperately wants to see again but probably never will. There's some emotional bleed there, despite her efforts to keep it under wraps.

The room gets a bit bleaker. ]

I... know what you mean. We're just sort of waiting for them to send us to another planet and I'd rather be active. I don't like waiting. And waiting means that I'm losing time to handle what's really important.

Yeah. Me too. I thought I'd like it better, finally getting the chance to relax, you know? But after being here for so long... I dunno. I think I'd rather be out there doing something than in here wondering what's gonna happen.

[It's a bit of a feedback loop forming between them, sadness and restlessness bouncing back and forth, digging the hole deeper and deeper. Beth smooths her hair back from her forehead, like that might wipe the extra emotion from the front of her mind.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to make things worse. I... get it, though. That's all.

No, it's not your fault.

[ Katie sighs. ]

It just gets hard after a while. And sometimes I feel like I'm going to start forgetting everything that makes me... me.

Yeah.

[That's quiet, nearly a whisper. She doesn't necessarily feel that here yet, though there are whispers of it at the edges of her mind, but she knows the feeling in general. She knows what it feels like to look back on herself and see an entirely different person.

She lifts her head to look around the rec room. She doesn't want to make the mood any worse by wallowing, so:]

Is there something you like to do? Like a game from back home, or— I dunno, somethin'. We could do that. [a beat] It's small, but.... That's what I used to do, when I felt that way. Try to focus on the small things that helped me feel like me.

[ OK, yeah, that's a bit too depressing and weird to think about right now. Katie tries to push it out of her head, but the thought lingers. Still, she tries. If not for her sake, for her new friend-slash-co-worker. ]

Uh, I like video games, but we don't really have a whole lot of those around here. Tinkering with technology. Building stuff and working with my hands.

[ Pidge frowns. ]

Some coding, sometimes. Right now I mostly just tinker with the materials I picked up on our last mission. There's not a whole lot else to do, you know?

I played a video game with Petre the other day. [A beat, then sheepish:] I wasn't very good.

[Read: she was terrible.]

I'm not great with, you know. Electronics and stuff. [She's pretty sure that's the kind of tinkering Pidge is talking about.] I grew up on a farm. We didn't even get good satellite channels.

What games do we even have here? I haven't checked...

[ She's been planetbound for way too long. She blinks at Beth when she mentions growing up on a farm. That is completely alien to her and not something she thinks she'd enjoy. ]

Whoa, really? I think I would've gone crazy. Then again, I don't really like the outdoors that much...

[ Poison ivy, bugs, etc. Ew. ]

What's not to like? Bugs and mud and weird smells....

[She's joking. It might be obvious by how bad she is at subduing her little grin.]

I think I'd go crazy inside all day. There ain't enough to do, you know? Like... The game Petre and I played was one of those shooting ones, with all the different characters and stuff. [She does small finger guns.] My brother had one just like it. He'd play it all day. I don't get that at all. It's just the same thing over and over, how's that not boring after a while?

That's exactly what I don't like.

[ Pidge grumbles in reply, but it's mostly good-natured. She's complaining for the sake of complaining. She perks up when the talk swings back to video games. ]

Eh, I understand. Shooters can get kind of repetitive. I was really into RPGs. It's all about quests and defeating evil and going on a long journey-

[ Hey, wait. ]

...I was basically living in something out of an RPG, wasn't I?

Edited 2017-03-23 04:33 (UTC)

Were you? I don't really know a lot about that kind of stuff.

[She feels like she sort of knows what Pidge is talking about, she's heard the term "RPG" before, but she can't come up with any examples to speak of. She considers.]

What was home like for you? Somethin' about a castle, right?

[That sounds like an RPG thing. Castles and dragons, right?]

Uh, well, before I ended up piloting a giant robot lion, I actually had a pretty normal life on Earth. My dad and my brother were both part of a deep space mission, though, and... something went wrong and they went missing.

[ Pidge grimaces. ]

So I decided to go and find them.

[ It's a long story, Beth. ]

[GIRL.......

She laughs a little, because she can't help it. Giant robot lions? Deep space missions? None of that sounds like a normal Earth life to her.

But then, her Earth life involves reanimated corpses, so. Perspective.]

Sorry. I don't mean to be— [Disrespectful. Losing family members is a big deal.] It's just... so different than what I'm used to. Did you find them? Your family.

I-

[ Why did she bring that up? She can feel herself starting to wilt a little and it's hard to ignore the feeling of despondence and disappointment and bitterness that washes over her. ]

No. I didn't. We were working on it when I got pulled... here. So the odds of me actually finding them dropped to basically zero.

[Oh. That didn't go the way she meant at all. She feels worse now for laughing, even a little bit.]

I'm sorry. [She really is, deep and visceral. She looks down at her hands.] I know that feeling. Not knowing where they are or if they're okay. It's— awful.

It's not your fault, but... thanks.

[ Pidge frowns. Beth didn't know, so she can't blame her for bringing it up. It's just a giant sore spot for Katie and it never really goes away. It's just... there, at the back of her mind, reminding her that she's not getting any closer to her goal. ]

Yeah. It's -- At least before I felt like I was working towards them. Now I feel like every day is just met getting farther and farther away. Uh-

[ She pauses awkwardly. ]

Who did you lose...?

My sister.

[She's technically lost more than that, her mother and her brother and her father, but knowing someone's dead isn't the same as not knowing anything at all, whether they're hurt or dead or if you'll ever see them again.]

We got— separated. Something happened, and we both had to run. There wasn't enough time for me to find her.

[Guilt floods, overflows. She should have tried harder, been faster, not let Maggie walk away without her, or at least gone with her.]

Some of them found me again, the people I was with, before I came here. I didn't know if she was with them, but I- I was hopin', you know? [She breathes in deeply. She hasn't really faced this before now.] I guess I won't now.

[ Katie can feel bits and pieces of Beth's turmoil and it all feels horrifically, tragically familiar. She swallows and tries to sort out her own emotions from Beth's, but it's difficult, because she knows the feeling. It's a familiar one. Maybe if she'd done something different, her father and brother would have come home safe and sound. Maybe if she was a bit better, they would've found them. She hesitates and then reaches out and offers her hand. ]

Hey. You'll find her. Just like we'll find my brother and my father.

[ It's probably a lie, but it helps. ]

[Her smile is watery, but she's not going to let herself cry. There's still work to do, so she doesn't get to be upset. There's no time for it, and neither her father or Maggie would want her sitting around feeling sorry for herself.

Beth clasps Katie's hand.]

Right. [She rubs the corner of her eye with the heel of her other hand.] As long as she's out there, I'll keep looking. Like you will, right?

[The odds of her ever seeing Maggie again were small before; now it's like they're microscopic. But she needs to keep hoping. That'll carry her through it.]

[ It's actually a bit of a relief to know that there's someone else on the station who feels the same way she does. Who's just as frustrated and who is trying to get back the same thing she is. It makes her feel a little less alone. She gives Beth's hand a squeeze that she hopes is more reassuring then she thinks it is. ]

Yeah. Exactly.

[ Trepidation. Trepidation and fear, but also a spark of hope. She hasn't given up yet and she doesn't plan to. ]

We just have to keep going. No matter what.

[She breathes out, long and slow. It eases some of the ache in her chest, and she bobs her head, just a little.]

No matter what. [With conviction.] Family's more important than anythin'.

[In this particular case, "family" means something literal, blood in her veins, but the word itself is bigger than that, for her; she'll fight for her family, big and varied as it is, no matter what.]

If you need anything, just let me know. Okay? Neither of us should have to do it alone.

Yeah. Yeah

[ It's not clear which part Katie is agreeing to. The bit about family or the part about not having to do it alone. She flashes a smile -- albeit a bit shaky -- at Beth and nods. ]

Same to you, OK? We're in this together.

Edited 2017-04-01 02:09 (UTC)

Yeah. We're a team now, all of us.

[Again: found family is family, too. And even if applying the word to the hive, to all of them, might be a little premature in this case, it's hard not to feel that way when everyone's heads are always overlapping, all the time.]

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greentech - 2017-04-07 02:40 (UTC) - Expand

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