OPEN • take a whole or a part of me

[martyric]

CHARACTERS: elena gilbert + everyone and anyone!!
WHERE: utilities hangar / kitchen / beyond
WHEN: vague handflapping all the time
SUMMARY: come witness elena as she performs such remarkable feats as terribly attempting her own first aid, accidentally freezing her lunch, and other such tragic adventures | symbiote abilities & permissions for reference, closed and open options
WARNINGS: ehhhh probably nothing / mentions of vamp biting if that's a thing that troubles people???


( i ) TAKE A BITE OF MY HEART TONIGHT ( closed | sam )

( the thing is, she's not going to complain to Damon.

partly this is because of stubbornness, of course. there had been an insinuation that she couldn't handle this and there's nothing that can get Elena's hackles raised quite like that. it's not just her pride though, thankfully. regardless of her complicated feelings surrounding the man (vampire, whatever) she does genuinely believe that he has no vested interest in hurting her. if she comes whining and huffing about the bite wounds that are par for the course of being bitten, it's only a matter of time before he comes to the conclusion that she's not cut out for this. potentially leading to problems with feeding, potentially leading to random innocents being attacked, et cetera et cetera et cetera. so she's not just being obnoxious when she refuses to see Damon about the problem - she's being obnoxious with the good of the hive at heart or something.

the problem in question is her wrist. the bleeding had stemmed quite easily when bitten earlier, but clearly her movements or a knock or something has opened it up again. the wound is nothing dramatic or life threatening, of course. given enough time it would probably close up again of its own accord, but honestly Elena doesn't much feel like drip dripping her way around the station until then, and her clothing choices are far too limited to dedicate a shirt to stemming the flow. besides, there has to be a first aid kit around here somewhere, right?

after some consideration the utilities department seems like the best bet, and Elena is so thankful that she'd spent the first few days in the station painstakingly sticking her nose into every nook and cranny. it's not exactly easy to find, she's still fresh off the bot and navigating this place is still painful at best, but she manages it eventually. she's none too subtle when she starts digging through any and every box, shelf, drawer or cabinet she can find, but she's coming up incredibly empty handed.

if the behaviour seems in any way shady before, it becomes so much worse once she's caught in the act. although she doesn't exactly know if what she's doing is against any kind of unspoken rule, she still quickly slaps a hand over the two puncture wounds on her wrist and fakes a bright, totally innocent smile. even without a mental link, it's not exactly hard to see that Elena is hiding something. she's normally better at subterfuge than this, honestly. )

Hey- oh- I'm- ( she hasn't actually thought of an excuse to be rooting through what appears to be quite specialised equipment and it shows, but she's not a total idiot so it only lasts a moment. ) I was just looking around, I still don't really know where anything is. I thought I was heading to the kitchen...

( playing the newbie card, nailed it. )

( ii ) I'VE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE AS COLD AS YOU ( closed | lexa & shiro )

( when she's not sneaking around trying to treat entirely non-dramatic wounds in overly dramatic fashions, Elena can be found in a number of places regularly. one of them is actually the kitchen - there's nothing that can make a person feel at home quite like sipping some imitation of a coffee, after all. this is her current goal, and she's messing around with various settings on things to get it as piping hot as she'd like. so long as nothing explodes there's no harm done, right?

sort of.

Elena hasn't actually come across the whole symbiote ability issue yet. it's been a whirlwind since her arrival, and the mental link has taken more than enough of her energy and focus, anything else that might have changed in her mind has gone unnoticed up until now. problem is, it's kind of hard to ignore an ability when it just sort of...happens.

the can of coffee between her hands is hot, maybe not as hot as she'd like it but there's definitely steam involved, and it's not enough to scald her hands but it's definitely uncomfortable. but strangely, her hands start getting hotter. and hotter, and hotter, and she looks down at the drink in her hands to see the surface starting to crystallise. with ice.

the container gets dropped onto the nearest flat surface abruptly, and Elena stares at her hands like they've just grown heads. they're still hot to touch, uncomfortably so, and she can't help but express her complete and utter confusion to the room at large. )

What the hell was that?

( which to an innocent bystander might well just look like Elena is incredibly distressed by iced coffee, but y'know. she's not much thinking about clarity right now. )

( iii ) PUT YOUR PINKY RINGS UP TO THE MOON ( open )

( when she's not being horrified by powers or griping about war wounds, Elena quite likes to spend time in the rec room. it's the closest to feeling normal that she's managed to find here, and that's quite appealing on a space station, honestly. most of the time she can be found fussing with cards or flicking through the books left lying around in the library, but today she's come across a journal.

it feels like it's been years since she wrote in her own.

if she knew how to find her own she of course would have, but there doesn't seem to be a request system around here. and if she hadn't found some kind of pen lying around she definitely wouldn't have considered the thought. it worked out too well though, a half-empty journal and pen practically falling into her lap all in the same day?

in a display of her classic remarkable sneaking skills, Elena glances around a few times before she opens the book to a blank page and smooths it out. there's more glancing when she touches the pen to paper, but since she's apparently satisfied that no one is watching her semi-shady documentation project, she starts writing:

Dear diary,...

no one ever said that Elena was original. )

( iiii ) WE'LL ALL FLOAT ON ANYWAY( open )

( a generic misc. option for anyone who has a specific idea in mind! feel free to buzz me via PM/plurk @ sharknado if you want a special tailored starter, otherwise anyone is welcome to run into elena around and about the station because quite frankly she is a nosy busybody sometimes. party hard, brethren. )

Comments

[martyric]

It’s an either or choice?

( Well. That obviously complicates things.

Elena desperately wants to feel like less of a liability. Already her life is tailspinning into a place of imminent danger lurking around every corner and behind every shadow, and to come here and find that it has only gotten worse has been difficult to say the least. And here there is “The Enemy” a name as ridiculous as it is terrifying, and Elena is practically defenceless.

Her only form of protection comes in the form of a man she barely knows let alone trusts, and even if her future self has apparently befriended him and even become close with him, it doesn't change the fact that here and now she still isn’t sure if she’s ready to forget the things that she’s seen him do.

So. It’s complicated. )

And if I don’t..train, is this always going to be out of my control?

( Clearly she’s got a big choice ahead. )

[adamance]

You may be able to stifle it. But you will have a difficult time drawing upon it to protect yourself. [It's the same barrier that Lexa faces. Though certain individuals have drifted away or gone to sleep, ridding her of the conflict that might insist that she needs to immediately protect herself, the same barrier exists. There will be others. Even if she proceeds with caution, there will be others.]

I recommend that you see how safe you feel in the Nest. It may be a decision that needs to wait until our Nest mission. Things will force your hand. Nothing here remains idle, even here.

[Many of the Hosts are forces of nature all on their own.

Lexa, for her part, knows that she's one of them. But, like Titus, she is a teacher and adviser in her own right. She seeks the opportunity to offer guidance so that she can be trusted. It's a give and take arrangement.]

[martyric]

( And how safe does she feel in the Nest? It's a far more complex question than Elena cares to admit. In theory she's never been in more danger - although that is more to do with the fact that Elena has led something of a charmed life up until relatively recently than any immediate threat in this new setting.

She certainly feels the pressure to be able to protect herself, though. She can't let herself simply rely on others, not when the potential threats far outweigh anything she's experienced before. Until a few months ago, the most dangerous thing Elena had ever encountered had been math tests. Now there are missions, there are enemies, there are dangerous people even within this station.

It's not going to be a simple solution at all. No surprises there, really. )

These missions, ( she's careful as she proceeds, cautious with her words as she tries to parse out just how she's supposed to choose between self-reliance and a sense of self at all. ) have you been on one? What are they like?

Nest mission should be next mission ... sobs quietly into my hands

[adamance]

They vary. Those of us who awoke all at once some months ago have only been on two. That makes up the majority of us, but we're typically given a goal with ... immense freedom to accomplish it. Nothing we do is forced. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they cared little as to whether we succeed or not. [The way she explains it makes it clear that Lexa isn't a fan of the system as it stands. Yes, they have guidance and an overall goal to accomplish, but the mish-mash way of finding out information has never suited her. Then again, she comes from a militaristic society. Even if her people are chaotic in their violence, they do have a sense of order in how they handle these things.]

But more importantly, how you proceed does depend on those around you. I do recommend that you don't sit idle and conclude what you can. Experience this. They say this is how we will live our lives now. We must deal with it. [And be efficient. There are those who do what Lexa has just suggested, who sit and act as if they are the victim of circumstances.

But that is no way for a person to live their lives. They chose to live here, no matter how unwanted this might be.]

pats ur face DW I UNDERSTOOD

[martyric]

( There's an attentiveness to Elena as she listens, and if anything Lexa's healthy dose of skepticism helps. Not that many people seem to be drinking the Kool-Aid, admittedly, but even so most people seem frustrated, or scared. There's a critical element to this information, like it's been considered in an entirely different way, and if nothing else it makes Elena far more inclined to trust this assessment of the station and their goals here.

It's a kick to the guts of a reality check to hear it laid out so simply, "this is how we will live our lives now". It's permanent, a fixture, and even if she'd been aware of the possibility in some form, she's not really ready to process that completely. The idea of the station being her life now, completely removed from everything ( everyone ) that makes her who she is--

--well, it's starting to make a little more sense why people throw their lot in with the symbiote. )

Makes sense. ( She's quiet, contemplative still, the reply is as much for her own benefit as actually directed at the other woman.

But she gets there. A quick shake of the head and she's back, still all grit and determination. It's true, she can't just sit idly by and let it pass her by. She can say she's fine, and it will be believable. ) We don't need the symbiote stuff for these missions, right? I'm not going to end up like, hung out to dry if I don't want to develop it?

[adamance]

It depends on the mission. If we need ice, however, you may need to reconsider. The rest, though ... the telepathy, the physical strength, all of that will have to be adjusted to. Not doing so will be a burden. You'll find it difficult to sleep. [Quite simply. Finding a way to keep emotions in check is a burden in and of itself, especially when they might infect and influence the people around them.]

I'd focus on your telepathy. Your wits may be what matter most in a mission beyond that. [While some of her other words have been detached to some degree, there's a warmth to these words, and a sense of familiarity. Lexa is basically saying: This is how I succeed here.

She doesn't know if Elena is clever, but being smart is how to survive this situation, if nothing else.]

[martyric]

( She might not know all that much about these missions that they go on, but Elena's willing to take a gamble that the demand for the ability to chill drinks and give minor frostbite probably isn't going to be that high. The mental link is a far greater problem, though.

It's no secret that she has been something of an open book. In fact it's impossible to miss it, being that at any given point there's at least a low level hum available to anyone who cares to listen. Elena isn't exactly what could be called overemotional, it's just hard for her to maintain a level of cover over that at the best of times, let alone when a group of people have a direct pathway into her mind. )

I don't suppose I'd be lucky enough that there's a measurable scale to go off? "You can be this good before you start to turn into a hivemind zombie"? ( Not for the first time she wishes there was a manual to go off on all of this, a clear guide that could make sense of the confusion that their lives have apparently become now. That would be making things far too easy though, and even though she laughs quietly as if she's joking ( she mostly was ) she still looks somewhat tense.

It's a lot to deal with. ) Can I at least learn to keep people from getting in my head without starting to lose myself?

( Really, that's her only priority right now - and it's a big one. While it's mostly just irritating at the moment, she wouldn't be surprised if there comes a time where a skill like that will be an absolute requirement. )

[adamance]

There's a very large gap between being a a hivemind zombie and being able to communicate with your mind. [Though there are those around the Nest who seem to believe that just because Lexa has acclimated, she has given herself over. It's odd to reflect on her conversation with the Prince with some relief in knowing that she had, instead, restrained herself to the point of harming her possibility of survival. It's what she had been aiming for. Outside views are typically far from damning, but here, those views have a tendency to creep into her head, lending her more insecurities than she'd ever want to deal with.

(They're the very same insecurities that Titus once helped her train to ignore.)]

With the ability to communicate comes the ability to limit communication. Either way, just because I mentioned the possibility of an extreme of losing yourself doesn't mean you'll be there until you make a conscious choice. Clearly, you haven't. [Sometimes, with Lexa, it's as simple as that.]

But if you want an example of the extreme—have you met Cathaway just yet?