mental link

[erbier]

[ She is sitting on the floor of the Nesting Deck covered in blood. She slows her heart rate, and the wound in her neck slows to a dribble. But she is tired, and her thoughts fluctuate unevenly, ]

( I hope all of you are treated this well, when you lose someone, everyone, beloved. To have your pain thrown back in your faces and mocked, to be abandoned by your brood, to be assaulted in the very hall where you watch over your loved ones... )

[ Her disgust is bone deep. ]

( Do not look to me, when it is your turn. I will have nothing for you. )




may be choosey with who she really answers and to what extent, but post is open at large.

Comments

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Sam laughs, low and humorless. ] Now who's the one with the sermons? I'm not the better version of anything, sister, and I don't apologize for anyone but myself. You don't understand me half as well as you think you do.

[ He pushes himself to his feet, her indignation sparking his. They're both hypocrites, maybe, sneering at the paths they've each chosen, both believing they have the best way of things - he doesn't, not really, he doesn't know what the best way is and he only sees it as different - but if she's going to call him on his, he's going to call her on hers. ]

You wanna bitch about the things most of us don't know you've done and how unappreciated for them you are, you wanna gloat about how enlightened you are about the Nest and how much better your approach is? You go right ahead. Keep thinking of yourself as a victim and martyr through all our injustices towards you, make everything everyone else's fault, cause hell, it ain't like any of us are really worth your time.

[erbier]

At last, you've grasped the concept.

[ Her grudge in this moment is entirely unabated. She knows this is what the others think of her, has heard from Lexa often enough. That's fine. Let them play act that they are faultless and heroic. They can die upon those swords. ]

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Sam shakes his head, pulling in a breath and letting it out. He doesn't want to fight with her, not really, and he can't tell if it's her irritation he's feeling or his own. They're just talking in circles around each other now. ]

We could be a part of the Nest for a hundred years and I don't know if I'll ever really grasp you. I don't think you'll let me.

[erbier]

[ That isn't what she wants. She wants someone to know her, to understand her. Her heart pulses for Aleksander, wanting to know where he is. But what if he does not come after she dragged him under the water... She shores up this emotion with a frown. ]

So be it.

[ What else can she say? If Sam of all people, the one she showed her Dreus to, does not understand, what hope do any of the others have. Those who know her will be few and far between... That is not different than her life has ever been. ]

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ There's a moment where he almost reaches out for her, despite the fact that only a few minutes ago they were indignant and angry with each other. Despite the fact that she threw his faults in his face while claiming that he thought he was better than her, despite that he'd done the same.

He does it mentally instead, not quite intentionally, like the brush of a feathered wing against her mind. ]

I didn't say I was gonna stop trying. I'll take whatever you'll share with me, Ilde, and I might not get it right away and you might piss me off as much as I piss you off, but I'm not gonna stop trying.

[erbier]

[ She flusters gloriously. Her face red beneath the smear of blood up her chin. ]

You have no such invitation.

[ She doesn't understand it and she doesn't see the point. Why not just let her be, reclusive and unpleasant. It was an easier position to take than letting herself be disappointed over and over again. ]

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Frustration wells up, brief and sharp, and fades just as quick. She's a mess of contradictions, and he wonders if she knows it and uses it to her advantage or if she's just as messed up and confused about all of this as the rest of them.

Maybe both. ]

I did once. [ But if he doesn't now, he'll accept it. For the moment. ]

[erbier]

[ Of course she uses it to her advantage. But that doesn't make it any less sincere. ]

I thought better of it.