MENTAL LINK - DAY 166;

[narcissithstic]

[By now, most aboard the station find it easy to recognize the abrasive dig of Kylo Ren's mind, even in its most innocuous state. For those that aren't, however, enjoy your daily dose of discomfort, punctuated by the vastness of the universe itself:]

(I require the assistance of someone capable of mending clothing.)

[...ok, that actually could have been way worse.]

Comments

[narcissithstic]

I see you rested well.

[And for the record: yes. Yes, he always must be.]

[exhuxperation]

( I– yes? )

[ It's true, he feels more well rested than he has in a long, long time. Though, something is off about it. He clearly remembers talking to Ren. The rest of the previous day is a haze. ]

( What. Did you do. )

[narcissithstic]

I manually reconnected you with the Nest.

[You're welcome, gingyo.]

[exhuxperation]

[ Manually reconnected to the Nest. That's. Hm. Can you feel him scowling from here? ]

( I see. Any particular reason I couldn't have just rested normally? )

[ yikes he almost asked why ren didn't just carry him to bed ]

[narcissithstic]

[A beat and then, almost curiously:]

You don't remember.

[exhuxperation]

( Depends. What am I supposed to be remembering? )

[ He remembers exhaustion, bone-deep. The mental exercises too. Losing his footing? Maybe? ]

[narcissithstic]

It's unimportant. [Not said out of pettiness: it truly is unimportant. A few brief words, the matter of carrying Hux from the floor to the nesting chamber itself and granting him what must have been at a minimum an entire day without either pain or loss clawing at his throat.

If it discomfits him, Ren can't bring himself to care.]

You were on the verge of injury; I did what was necessary to prevent it.

Nothing more.

[exhuxperation]

[ How irritating. Hux wants to press for more information but it seems like a moot point. ]

( On the verge of injury. How, exactly? We stopped the exercises before they tread into dangerous territory. )

[ One more thing– a dawning realization he probably didn't get into the nesting chamber on his own. Or if he did, he really doesn't remember. Yikes. ]

[narcissithstic]

Do you really think you'd have no recollection of what transpired if you were entirely functional?

[Come on, General, you know better than that.]

[exhuxperation]

( I will admit, I wasn't expecting to be so disoriented. )

[ As close to an admission of "wow i was really hecked up" as you'll likely get. ]

( Is it always like that? )

[ The force. Reaching out. Maybe he's found a little curiosity towards what Ren can do.

Or just maybe how he manages not to have a splitting headache 25/8. ]

[narcissithstic]

It is worse when I do not restrain it.

[When he can't, more accurately— tormented by the volatile battle between the dark side and the light. Without Snoke there is, admittedly, less pain, but in losing him Ren's been left with an open wound. An emptiness that he's struggled— and failed— to fill, loneliness gripping his shoulders in a way he's never known before. For the most part, he's withheld it from the station, but Avera 9...]

You'll suffer less.

[Said after a low, almost hesitant beat: Ren's stumbling bid at soothing Hux's fearful nerves.]

[exhuxperation]

( When you can't? )

[ Hux doesn't waste time slicing that notion open. Obviously Ren has some modicum of control, but he's still seen him lose it enough to question how far it goes. ]

( Without Snoke, does– ) [ He stops that thought, waving it off. Maybe he doesn't want to open that can of worms. ]

( Nevermind. I appreciate it. )

[ Wow this is weirdly emotional and he's uncomfortable. ]

[narcissithstic]

The Supreme Leader found value in how both the light and dark sides of the Force reside within me.

[Something he imagines Hux might have caught in passing yet not fully understood, given the man's previously pale grasp of how the Force works. A problem that, at least for the moment, has been artificually remedied.]

I serve the dark, but— [His thoughts still, a momentary pause designed to at least grant him the opportunity to project only what is necessary, rather than the flood of memory or sensation that aches to sink its teeth into the connection. Like a fist tightening he holds fast to it, and then— as if he were bleeding out— lets it fall away.

Hux may not be his brood, but they share a bond equally as potent: the last of the First Order, and the first to stand here, on the verge of yet uncharted space as far as their galaxy was concerned.] I cannot erase the light or its hold on me, only stand immune against its sway.

[How many times had he begged Vader's dispersed existence for guidance? How many times had he curled alone over both himself and the searing pain of wanting what he shouldn't? Of watching the light rend into skin and bone and beg him, like the ghost of his own reflection, to forgive. To run.

To fail.]

Always they are in conflict. Without him, I feel no different, only...

[No. No, that, he will not share like this. Steeling himself in an instant.]

See to yourself. We should be ready when the next mission finds us.

[exhuxperation]

[ It's true, he didn't have much knowledge of the Force or how it works. Even now, he doesn't understand all the subtleties, not the way someone who used it day in and day out would. But since the hours they'd spent in concentration, he feels like he gets at least the surface level notions.

Like the dark versus the light.

Though, it doesn't read that way to him, all jumbled up images and the differences they're supposed to have. Perhaps it's just him applying too much logic to something that shouldn't make sense. ]

( Balance isn't possible? )

[ A possible stupid question, but he's going to ask it anyway. Especially since what Ren's talking about now is starting to put the picture in clearer. And maybe he shouldn't follow that trailing train of thought– ]

( Directionless? )

[narcissithstic]

No. [That, at least, he has.] Cathaway provides what guidance I need.

[Purpose, great power— a spark of something so expansive he feels as though it might be as vast as the Force itself, if not more so.

She's opened his eyes.]

And no. [For a short while, perhaps. Extreme duress might require a mixture of both sides of the Force, but always, inevitably, friction overrides want. A lesson he and Skywalker learned the hardest way possible.]

Oil and water, General— to quote lesser men.

[exhuxperation]

[ Cathaway. Hux can't help the roll of disgust that runs through him at the name. It's true their last conversation went better than their first, but it didn't make much of a dent in their relationship. Or rather, towards the positive progress of it. ]

( I see your point. )

[ He suspects there's something else, though. ]

( Would you– never mind. I'll speak with you later. )

[ Too many questions and he doesn't want to ask them all right now. Since when had he taken any kind of interest in this nonsense? ]

[narcissithstic]

[And, because Ren is perpetually Ren, he says nothing in response. They're in agreement; the connection ends.]