MENTAL LINK - DAY 166;

[narcissithstic]

[By now, most aboard the station find it easy to recognize the abrasive dig of Kylo Ren's mind, even in its most innocuous state. For those that aren't, however, enjoy your daily dose of discomfort, punctuated by the vastness of the universe itself:]

(I require the assistance of someone capable of mending clothing.)

[...ok, that actually could have been way worse.]

Comments

[narcissithstic]

A...what?

[No, he doesn't mean the 'sewing place' - he has no idea what a Pyramid jersey is.]

[frakkincylons]

Pyramid. It's a sports game. Used to play a lot.

[ 'a lot' probably being understatement, but now, with what he knows, it feels like so small a thing. but that was a good time, wasn't it? better than most of the rest, that's for sure. ]

Pretty fun, but really physical.

[narcissithstic]

So it was worthless, then.

[As trivial as a toy and equally as important compared to the heaviness of the memories Ren witnessed.]

[frakkincylons]

No, not worthless. It meant a lot to me.

[ then, something he prided himself in. and once the bombs fell, and the resistance began, it was a symbol of family, and of perseverance. now, a symbol of a life he dearly missed, of a person he missed being. something much simpler. a kind of sorrow sinks in him with the thought. 'I can't believe this game actually mattered to me once', he'd told Seelix, right before she kicked the crap out of him for being a Cylon. A stupid sentiment. What he wouldn't give to go back to that, now. ]

Wish I had it here with me, honestly. [ what Ren saw in his head was important, yes. But to the universe at large, and of course it was something he holds in very high respect and meaning, but there's something so much more personal about what his life was. ]

[narcissithstic]

[For a moment, he says nothing, compressing the tangle of flickering thought laid bare before him, struggling to comprehend how it might begin to make sense— and then, suddenly, it does. Like a piece falling into place in no small part to a fragment of himself he'd obsessively buried.

Killed, even.]

You preferred things as they were.

[frakkincylons]

[ there's a pause, on sam's end of the connection, as he considers it for a long moment. prefer? well, what was there to really like about the end of the world(s), outside of coming to know kara, and figuring out everything that he is.

would he prefer ignorance and miss the chance to give life in this universe a true fresh start, to break the cycle? no, probably not. even the sam from those days would see the value in letting go of simple things for the sake of all life. but at the same time... ]

( It was simpler. Maybe less important. Less purpose. But having that innocence was nice in a way. When things still fit together, and I had a family and security and didn't know what ozone smelled like after a nuclear bombing. )

[ there's some vague attempt at depreciating humor in the last sentiment, but it doesn't really stick. that's not the kind of knowledge anyone wishes for. ]

[narcissithstic]

[To that, he says nothing. Wants to say nothing - if only because the life of Ben Solo is not something he should crave, it was fragile and misshapen, punctuated by deceit and abandonment and torment without end. And there is no separating the idea from emotion: to try and understand what Sam means about craving innocence lost is to look back on his own past and cringe, and he is not so weak as to let it claw its way back into his heart.] I see.

[A hardened edge. A knife pressed to skin.]

I will call on you if no one else is suitable for the task.

[frakkincylons]

[ sam's not too sure if ren got what he was looking for with that answer, but it is what it is. if nothing else, sam's at least honest. ]

( Sure. Good luck with your thing. I'm around if you need the last resort. )

[narcissithstic]

[The thought that follows is so clipped and cut short it might as well be nonexistent, just before Ren severs the line; it's not a sentiment given lightly, to say the least.]

Thank you.