station72 | mental link; after the riding events

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mental link; after the riding events

[ Sam's mental presence is accompanied by the sweep of feathers and the rush of wind as he focuses in on his connection to the Nest, occassionally dotted with a faint hint of static or the glint of stars. ]

( There's more than a few of us going at this mission in our own way, so I figure it can't hurt to check in. I don't got a lot this early in the game, but if anyone wants what I've found out about our hosts or the other envoys or what I've been doing to get it, I'll pass it on. This ain't a trade kind of thing - I'll tell you whether or not you wanna let me know what you've been up to. But if you don't mind sharing, hell, I'll take it. )

[ They're a paranoid bunch here, Sam knows that. He'd rather get what little he's been able to find out to people who might be able to do something with it than insist on getting something back. ]

( If you'd rather do it in person, just tell me when or where. I'm pretty sure I heard something about Adra making us all dinner later, so that might not be a bad time either. )

[ On an OOC note, if you only want info sharing and would rather handwave the interaction or just want to know what Sam would share, hit me up on the first comment to this post! ]

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[Lexa is used to being a leader in name and action. Here, she's had to negotiate what it is that she does.]

( People listen to you, Sam. We might not always agree with your intentions, but people listen. )

[There is more to say, but it feels like this is a point she wants to have resonate.]

[ That isn't the first time that someone's told him that here, but she's one of the first that said we. It makes him pause when he'd just deflected with Ilde and Cathaway, when he'd just told Bucky that he wasn't Steve. ]

( Back home I used to lead support groups to remind people they weren't alone, taught people coping skills so their past didn't control them. On the battlefield I just made the hard calls when the guy in charge didn't want to. )

[ He'd been planning on saying that it's a hell of a lot different than here - but it's not, not really. He stops protesting it. ]

( I listen to you, too, Lexa. Even if we don't always agree, I trust you. )

( What we specialize in is different. I can train a warrior, find their potential, and help them move forward. I know how to act with confidence because I know that I have to trust myself above all else. But where you help is that support.

It's something that my people took for granted because we were always at war. They weren't ready to see a different way of living. )

[It's a lot to say at once. Lexa never says a thing without there being layers of meaning to it, but she's certain that Sam will find all of them and pull them away.]

[ He doesn't disagree with any of that. There's a reason that Sam trusts her and is willing to follow her lead. With Steve gone, she's about one of the few leaders that he does trust, and part of it is because of exactly that.

Maybe it shouldn't surprise that she considers the kind of support he offers valuable - but it does, a little. He's not used to that coming from commanders.

And he doesn't miss the way she says that they weren't ready, and not we. ]

( What changed for you? )

( Three hundred of my warriors were killed when they were sent to protect one of the clans in my coalition. Not everyone in that clan agreed with the decision of the man who led some of his people to inflict that violence. To take those lives.

My people believe that blood must have blood.

The people in that clan failed to see that my warriors were there to protect them from further bloodshed. They saw all members of my coalition as the same, because they were still outsiders. They acted in order to retaliate. And if we had done the same, it would have happened again and again.

I was helped to see reason. To set my people on a different path. )

[A lot isn't said, or even hinted at, but there is a sense that the person who helped is still an influence today. Present or not, Lexa changed because of Clarke. There's no reversing that.]

( You were willing to see both sides. To look to the future, instead of just the past, and change things to keep it from repeating. )

[ He's pretty sure he can guess who might have been the one who helped, considering he's only ever heard Lexa speak so highly of one person both from her world and here, but exactly who that is isn't quite as important to him right now.

It's Lexa. Sam's not gonna claim she's not without her faults, that he hasn't seen her been stubborn or demanding or arrogant or come across as condescending, but, well. Then there's this, and Sam knows that she's the kind of leader he's more than willing to put his trust in. After dealing with a hell of a lot of conflicts between other Hosts on this mission, goddamn is it a relief to hear someone talk about being able to see reason and go down a different path. ]

( Sounds like you worked well together. )

( We did. ) [We do. As stubborn as Lexa can be, having someone as equally stubborn to counter her is important. She needs that weight, that balance, and that hold on her. Meeting Clarke felt like finding the other half of her, the individual who was meant to both see eye to eye with her and fight her when their views didn't align (and when they should have).]

( I'm here now, and while I know my actions may be at odds with many of the other hosts, my goal will always be the same. Like it or not— ) [And sometimes, she very much wishes she had the power she had before, to kick unruly sorts out windows when they proved irritating.] ( —These are my people now. This is my home. Just as I did for my people before, I intend to do everything in my power to ensure that we succeed. )

[Saying it like that sounds like she might be baring her soul, but it's no secret that Lexa doesn't bother to shirk away from leadership. She's used to being in charge of thousands of people, of directing generals to where they need to be, and there's little that can change that.]

Edited (idk why i typed my nest when i actually meant my home but what a weird moment) 2017-09-21 04:23 (UTC)

( It's not always your actions, sometimes it's just the way you explain them. )

[ He's not necessarily teasing there - but his tone is light, as he remembers the first time they really spoke.

And there's agreement from his side of the mental link, a touch of a faint but fierce protectiveness. He wonders sometimes, if Cathaway knew exactly what she was doing asking him to try to keep the Hosts safe, but ultimately it doesn't matter.

He'll do everything in his power to make sure they succeed, too, to make sure they come back. It's who he is. ]

( They may not like it, but they're lucky to have you. They need you. ) [ They need a hell of a lot of things, but a good leader is definitely up there. If only more of them would be willing to put aside their own shit and work together. ] ( You're one of the only other people I've heard call this place your home. You're not trying to get back to your world? )

[The question leads to a suppression of thoughts, of feelings, of emotions. There's a great deal that she has to conceal from others. Lexa knows that Clarke's grief in seeing her likely revealed a great deal about Lexa herself, but she doesn't allow that to be known. She doesn't rip away the veil, instead choosing to keep it a mystery.

They can't know if they aren't certain.

And she refuses to act as if her death was her end. Her spirit may not live on in this world, but she will. It's the one good thing she learned from Carata.]

( Time passes, Sam. Even if we end this war in ten years, or twenty years, when we go home, will it truly be the place we left? Things can change quickly.

Anyone who is in denial of that is only allowing themselves to remain blind. )

[ He can't help but notice, and when put together with Clarke's reaction at seeing Lexa - yeah, he's pretty sure he can safely say there's a big reason why she's not looking to go home.

But he doesn't ask. It's obvious it's not something she wants to talk about, considering her immediate suppression of everything related to it, and he'll respect that. There's a quiet curl of acknowledgement, and then he lets it go.

At least for now. ]

( No, it won't be. And we won't be the same people we were when we left. ) [ Not necessarily because of the symbiote, though Sam isn't stupid enough to believe he's not going to be changed by it, but because time changes people. War changes people, people change people, and none of them will ever be the same as they were before they came here.

It doesn't have to be a bad thing, though he knows so many of them see it as one. ]

( I'm not planning on going back to my world any time soon. This is the closest thing I've got to home, too, and I'll do everything in my power to make sure we make it back to the Station. )

( To do that, you can't be afraid of your influence. I know what we can do as a unit. You may have to deal with ensuring that everyone is emotionally prepared to handle that. )

[Lexa doesn't mind pulling away from the discussion of home, at least for now. She knows that Bellamy and Murphy want to get the symbiotes out of themselves so that they can return home, but she believes that it's a foolish notion. Their homes aren't even the same place, most likely. There's no proof that the three of them would have the same version of their Earth waiting for them.

She thinks it's unlikely.

So, it's back to talks of leadership. She easily circles it back to that, as she wants to hammer it home to Sam. He doesn't need to give orders. He just needs to make sure that people feel good about receiving them.]

[ Sam sees what Lexa's doing here.

Oh, he'd agree with her about those trying to get back home - he knows Shiro and Kate, Damon and Elena, even Misato, they're all trying to get back. And he'll help them if he can, he just - doesn't think it's all that likely, either.

And even though he can see what she's doing, circling back around to leadership and reiterating it, he kind of agrees with her there, too. ]

( I'm not afraid of it. I just- ) [ Don't think it's as big or as deep as some others seem to think, not when there's some days he barely knows what he's doing himself.

But he felt that way once about the VA, too, and about being an Avenger. He'll adapt; it's what he does. ] ( I'm always gonna work to help people deal as much as I can. I'm as kick ass of a soldier as I can be without enhancements, but helping people - it's what I do. That includes you, you know. )

( Helping the others helps me. I'm not interested in handling them on that level. )

[To some degree, it's a dismissal of his offer. Lexa isn't about to say that she has Clarke, so she perceived herself to be fine. (She isn't.) It's what she thinks, but taking someone's offer for an open ear isn't what she does.]

( The rest I can handle. )

[She does seem assured of that, at least.]

[ It's a dismissal he accepts with ease - half because he was expecting it, and half because it sounds like she's already got someone she can turn to for that.

Assuming she ever would, but, well. That's something that comes with time, or not at all, for some people.

He's not sure which Lexa is, but he's not gonna push right now. ]

( Like I said - the Nest is lucky to have you. You need me for anything, you only gotta let me know. )

( I'll remember that. )

[There is little chance of her going to him for that kind of help. Recommending that others seek him out is one thing. Doing it at all herself is another.

Even if she could probably use it.]

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mental link; after the riding events

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