mental link, day 22

[sizeofyourbaggage]

( Got some information for you guys - Annie was good enough to get some of her makeshift spycams going, and we set ‘em up with the leaders of the envoys. Activated them last night. )

[ There’s a curl of gratitude for those who went along with his plan, for those who spun stories or distractions or contributed to convincing the leaders of the envoys that the trinkets of Annie goo were part of a mourning ritual. Is he gonna talk about the fact that he basically disappeared after that until they boarded the airship? Nah. Instead, he jumps right into it. ]

( Didn’t get a lot from the Carpathans or the Meradans, unless you wanna know what the inside of Saridian Black’s room looks like or what other gifts people’ve been giving him, or see more of the Meradans trash talking each other while playing games.

Got the same Second that Annie saw last time, who’s friends with the Seconds I know, and this time he was with Ysiddia Cabrielle. He’s her son, and they were talking with a Second from one of the other Houses about the murders and the Circle having its work cut out for it when we get to the Red Coast.

And the Descendents - pretty sure we got a couple of them talking about the murders. They were wondering if “they” were discovered, who discovered them and what their intentions were - might have something to do with the last time we spied on people through Annie, and she saw the Carpathans that got killed talking about new friends. That, and blood debts and someone named Casiria, and that no one in Black’s retinue could know about it. Didn’t know this until a little bit ago, but guess what information got passed onto Black’s retinue? )

[ His mental “tone” is deliberately neutral there, but the difference from the usual warmth to his mental link is probably pretty telling. ]

( One other thing, about the circle that was found burned in the ground a while back when we were still running around on the ground and the tracks next to it - Rhan said the circle doesn’t look local, but the tracks appear Rabadocean. Hard to pin down more than that so far, except they don’t really match the Hypyrians. )

[ Is he fixating on that a little too much, to be thinking about it still? Maybe, but he's not gonna let it go. ]

Comments

[greentech]

( Rust. Got it. )

[ Sort of. She can feel the way his mind works, feel the harshness, the dread, the twisting of a knife. Anger and something that needs space. An urge to action. She tries to keep it walled off, metaphorical arm's length. ]

( What's not my fault? Your mood? )

[aluminumandash]

[ He cuts her off, like a breath drawn in sharp and held, a bloodless limb going slowly numb. ] ( That they died. ) [ The words, too: bloodless.

Guilt and self-loathing well up, the Nietzchean retort faithful on its heels. He who despises himself nevertheless regards himself as one worthy of being despised. Rust slams down a wall, a slab of featureless concrete. ] ( That we used you. )

[greentech]

[ There's a moment of intense confusion and a bit of hesitation and sorrow and apologetic feeling. ]

( ...you didn't know they were going to get murdered. )

[ A part of her feels bad for being quite so accusatory. ]

( It wasn't your fault. )

[aluminumandash]

[ He hits his limit: every choked-off part of him clamoring for blood. He'd claw his way out of himself if he knew how.

The wall, his makeshift little barrier, collapses. Behind it anger, hot as the muzzle of a freshly fired gun. Fragmented memories: a baby bawling, then suddenly silent. A fat motherfucker regarding him with lazy malice from behind a desk. The brush of a filthy blanket against his skin.

He does the only thing he can. He waits it out. ] ( They told you that, huh. They're full of shit. ) [ Dull, succumbing to plodding inevitability.

He hates it, the sadness and regret coming off her, when there's Misato shouldering past it, Sam offering his wishy-washy evasions. Annie'd all but belched in his face.

She can yell. She fucking should. ] ( Mind telling me how it happened? ) [ Hard to disguise pointed questions like this, harder still when he's incapable of holding anything back. Who was it, lurks beneath the words. Who the fuck was it? ]

[greentech]

[ She should yell. He's right. But she doesn't know what to yell about. Or even if she can really blame them when they didn't know. But they still got two people killed and that doesn't sit well with her. Killing in a battle is one thing. She's done that. But getting two people killed because it's convenient? Something wrankles her.

Makes the spark inside of her glow with a bit of anger. ]

( They asked me to build them a drone that twe could power. I had an insect that Misato snagged for me. So... I did it. I don't know how it went after that. )

[ Good with her hands. Good at solving problems. Good at seeing how everything clicks into place. ]

[aluminumandash]

[ That flare of anger, it shouldn't register—a match thrown on a bonfire. But it does. Rust's stricken, momentarily, by the knowledge that they're responsible for this.

How will she end up? Stretched taut between these minds, the pull of everyone's self-interest. What they've done to her can't be undone. ] ( Both of them. ) [ The feeling of someone finding their voice, the shadow cast by some monstrous emotion. Them, he says, but Misato's name is in his thoughts like an indictment. ] ( They both came to you. In person? )

[ He latches back onto the questioning, clings tight to the sense of procedure. ] ( How'd they put it to you. They wanted a favor? ) [ Belatedly: ] ( You can show me, if it's easier. )

[greentech]

( Shepard asked me through the Link. Annie showed up in person. That's all. It was just supposed to be a part of the mission. )

[ She's not sure how she feels about all of these probing questions. She's still a bit mixed up about it. How does one deal with being an accomplice to something that ended up with someone being murdered? ]

( It happened. I can't change it now. Right? )

[aluminumandash]

( Shepard. ) [ His anger turns matter-of-fact, routine as the daily allotment of shit he's expected to swallow. An image, vivid with scorn, of her brandishing a shotgun at him. Silence thick in the air, ready to rupture.

Ought've broken her arm. ] ( Fuck's— )

[ He remembers his audience. There's a moment's stark deliberation—press for more, find out the extent of Shepard's involvement, or write her off. Katie's question not intruding on his thoughts. ] ( Course not. ) [ He says, automatic, when he gets around to it. He almost offers to get her their names, the names of the dead—marvels in the next second at the insanity of it. As if that's what she needs, names and faces to go with the guilt.

He has to extricate himself from her. ] ( Wasn't nothing you could've done. ) [ His mind goes quiet, thoughts stifled. A wilderness between them, Rust stranded in his own hopelessness. At length he says: ] ( We're all part of a single organism, yeah? Branches, nodes. Consider this a lesson in that organism's functioning. )

[greentech]

[ A shotgun. Weird. Pidge doesn't quite flinch, but the sensations and memories aren't really what she needs or wants and she tries to keep them blocked off, even with their mental connection sending words and concepts back and forth. ]

( I already knew how it worked. I just didn't get how people were ready to ignore collateral damage. )

[ Which is depressing enough. ]