station72 | (no subject)

Hello, Joshua.

[ Her voice from a doorway, the same kind of greeting she gives to everyone as a matter of course. Announcing herself, polite, formal names, giving them time to dismiss her from their sight. It's rare for her to fight someone if they wish to be left alone. ]

I have never seen such an instrument.

[ Instruments were far too frivolous for the dire solemnity of the burned world. There had been singing, funeral dirges and laments, little more. ]

[ He's not usually one to dismiss people; if he really wants solitude, he'll make sure he's not found in the first place. And while Darlene had been insistent that Ilde was not someone to be listened to, Joshua was more willing to take his chances. Listening didn't mean one had to take everything to heart, after all.

(Besides, his standards for "definitely crazy" are probably more lax than most, given the freak show he grew up in.) ]

Hi, Ilde.

[ He lowers the harmonica halfway. Enough to talk, not enough to say he's done. That'll probably depend on how much of a conversation she's looking for. ]

It's called a harmonica.

How did you learn to play it?

[ It seemed simple at a glance, but he had also manipulated it with better complexity than she would manage just lifting up the thing. ]

My sister taught me.

[ It's...not really a topic he's going out of his way to avoid, not the way he used to, but it's the first time he's brought her up here, regardless, and the thoughts that find their way to the surface of his mind are probably all the explanation necessary for why.

(That same song, a warm smile. A pool of blood.)

But hey, it's totally not a big thing for him and we're totally acting all normal here today, please and thank you. ]

She was a lot better at it than I am, honestly.

[ She tilts her head. What a dreadful, ghostly thing to carry on. She doesn't imagine herself being quite so reverent of the instrument with such a memory. Then again, she is all too aware that other hosts approach such emotions differently than she does. ]

I wouldn't know the difference.

[ Good or ill.]

As long as you find it peaceful.

[ There's a lot he managed (or was forced) to let go of (at least for a while), but the harmonica was the one thing that he couldn't get rid of, even when he shed everything else that made him feel human. The last remnant of my human heart, he'd called it when he gave it to Estelle. I won't be needing it anymore.

Except he'd been horribly wrong about that, and she'd just chased him across Zemuria to give it back to him and tell him that he was being an idiot who was just afraid to admit that he still had feelings.

Which she was completely right about. ]

I'm not sure if "peaceful" is quite the word for it, but...

[ He's not sure what else he'd go with, either. It - stirs things up, down below the surface of his emotional lake, but despite the fact that it gives him feelings (which are the very definition of not peaceful, for someone as bad with them as he is), it's always been the thing he goes to when he's feeling uncertain. ]

[ She reaches out, laying a hand on his head lightly. It's interesting, watching her own coping mechanism -- emotion buried deep beneath -- in someone else. She has no desire for him to open up to her. He was this way for reasons all his own. But... she would also like to express her solidarity.

She runs her thumb lightly over his forehead. ]

That's fine.

[ It's the kind of gesture that would've been right in line with Karin's actions, and even if Ilde is very different from his sister in some ways (Karin was dark hair and all the warmth of the sun), it's enough to catch him off guard for a moment. A sudden ripple, a rock tossed in the middle of the lake.

It passes quickly. He buries it again. ]

[ She takes her hand off of him, as calmly as she placed it there, and then takes a seat. ]

Don't let me interrupt you.

[ He never goes out of his way to find an audience, but he doesn't balk at having one, either - it happens often enough, and it's not a bother or an embarrassment. What's the worst that can happen, someone tells him he sucks?

(It's not like he doesn't think much worse things about himself all the time.)

So he nods, shifts the way he's sitting just a bit, and resumes. Something else, this time, with a little less baggage attached than the last one. (Though perhaps not without any at all.) ]

[ She has not been exposed to music for long. There was a very particular kind of ritualistic dirge that she knew well from her time in the Burned World, but anything beyond lamentation is still fresh to her. As she lets her mind rest, she finds the harmonica palatable, clear metallic notes in strong shapes.

She sits back on her hands and daydreams about the shape of the music. The notes rising and falling in pitch and clarity, like stars bursting and falling in a shimmering waterfall...

She lets her breathing align to his, lets the wavelength of her mind align to his. Not so much invasive as settling herself in as a mirror which reflects his music back into the void. ]

[ There's not much ritual or formality in the songs he knows. Folk songs, mostly; first in Erebonia, then in Liberl, the bookends of his life before and after Ouroboros were always in rural places. Music not for the big moments, but all the ones in between.

In places as quiet as Hamel and Rolent, there were a lot of moments to pass, and so he has plenty of songs to go through. ]

[ Even disguised, the not-so-subtle push-pull of their connection sings to him, letting him know who it is under all those layers. Playing a little tune on a instrument that he recognizes. Jailbirds play it in those old movies, and once, he heard one of the teachers a U.A. ( Snipe, he recalls ) pull one out during a break.

Harmonicas literally make the most obnoxious sounds, though. ]

There's another one, who plays instruments as well. Have you met him yet? You'd have something to talk about.

[ what the heck is this ]

[ Jailbirds playing harmonicas isn't a stereotype that exists in Zemuria, but at the core of it, it's not too far off. A simple, almost frivolous activity. Something that has nothing to do with any of the struggles that put them where they are, just something...to make them feel more human.

That's how it is for him, at least. For five years, it was the only human thing he did. It's not, anymore, but it's still a reminder of the things he can't get back.

...that aside.

For Bakugo, that was actually pretty civil. No sense in chasing off that rarest of moods too quickly by being a smartass. ]

I haven't. Who is it?

[ He didn't get that sense off of anyone he's talked to yet, but admittedly, he hasn't talked for long to most of the nest yet, either. ]

I dunno. Some guy who plays strings.

[ The music-man had introduced himself, but the name had escaped Bakugo. He wasn't interested in remembering names, not if they weren't interesting or hadn't left a huge impressions. And he was less interested in learning them, opposed to picking out identifying marks and referring to them in such a way.

Instead, he remembers him loosely. The sound of music in his mind. The shape of the instrument across his lap. ]

I just remembered him, when I heard you playing. Seems like a guy you'd find more interesting than me.

[ It's...no surprise to him whatsoever, that Bakugo wouldn't make a point of remembering names, but that's not a point worth dwelling on, either, so he just takes what Bakugo did remember and make a mental note of it himself. ]

I've never really played with anyone before.

[ Hamel was barely a dot on the map; he was too young to be sure, but he doesn't think anyone but Karin actually played anything at all. Rolent was bigger, but still definitely qualified as "out in the sticks," compared to everywhere else. (And asking Olivier would've been opening himself up to one too many pick-up lines for his liking.) ]

Maybe it'd be interesting.

[ Even Joshua's name was a hazy thing - never given to him, but a thing he could taste on the tip of his tongue all the same. Just out of reach, somewhere in the middling of that connection between them that urged him to dip his toes in. Just a little. It's a connection he keeps his careful distance from, and a rift between himself and his brood that's only grown wider, since he and Joshua had last met -- to the point where it's causing him physical pain.

Enough so, that he'd sought out some kid he hardly understood, just to soothe it a little. Not that he'd tell Joshua that. ]

Mm, he seems pretty easy to get along with. [ Even for him? Maybe. ] I don't think even you'd have a problem with him.

"Even" me?

[ Heh. Look who's talking.

He doesn't chase that point any further, though, because as much as he'd like to deny it himself, Bakugo's sudden appearance is like balm in a wound he's stoically been trying to ignore. He's used to ignoring things that hurt. He'd like to think he's good at it.

After ten years of lying to himself, he's not nearly as convinced as he used to be. ]

I'll keep an eye out.

Did I stutter? I say what I mean, you know.

[ Though his message has been relayed, he can't bring himself to leave. This kid -- he doesn't like this kid at all, they're not capable of relating to one another. He'd rather mash his face into the sand or something than just sit here, all placid. But, there's some injury inside of him that's soothed by Joshua's existence. Which is STUPID. And RIDICULOUS. ]

Don't you mean "an ear out"?

[ HE DEADPANS IT BUT WOW WAS THAT A JOKE?? ]

[ A beat while Joshua considers that. Because, wow indeed. Bakugo...has a sense of humor? Who knew.

And after a moment, he finally - laughs. A small laugh, nothing dramatic, but definitely a laugh. Not because the joke was good (it was pretty lame, if he's honest about it, which he has no reason not to be), but because the thought of that kind of a weak stab at humor, coming out of Bakugo?

That is actually pretty funny. ]

[ HEY, HE'S HILARIOUS. Talented, powerful AND funny. He's got it all.

Joshua laughs.

He can't bring himself to say anything about it. It's an okay laugh, more than he expected. More than he thought he'd get from the kid with a thousand-yard stare and a shitty temperament. Eventually, he unfolds from where he's wrapped around his knees, and leans back on his hands. ]

So. You meet the rest of this stupid unit? Brood. Whatever it's called.

[ ~~u wanna talk about shitty temperaments, son~~

He drops the harmonica in his lap, though, since this is...something like an actual conversation, now, and who knows, maybe they'll get through this one without...well, too much of him rolling his eyes or Bakugo accusing him of being an idiot.

Maybe.

We'll see. ]

Yeah. I mean...the ones who are here, anyway.

[ Because despite the fact that nobody ever told him how many to expect in a brood and it's not like he's taken headcounts of the others, he knows there's someone missing. It feels wrong, like there's just this - gap, where someone cut a chunk out of his consciousness, and he knows there's something missing but he couldn't describe what should be there for the life of him.

(Which is a depressingly familiar feeling for him, but that's neither here nor there.) ]

[ ~~don't "son" him, they're the same age~~ ]

What do you... think of them.

[ The conversation is stilted, a little awkward. It's not like he CARES how Joshua thinks of their little team ( brood -- ), it's just that. Part of him that he can't divorce himself from is hoping for a little social top-up, so that he can wrench himself away later on and put some psychoemotional distance between himself and the nest once more. Right. That's it.

Also, he thinks all but two members of his team ( brood -- ) are idiots, so. One is acceptable ( Rogue ) and the other is a creep ( Elliot ). Which leaves Hadrian and Joshua as honorary morons. And the last member -- he doesn't know. They're just not there, and thinking about it is like a gnawing hunger and need he doesn't care for. ]

They're okay.

[ A terse answer for something a lot more complicated, under the surface.

Rogue seems like - feels like - a good person, and so her dreams of people calling her a murderer and a monster confuse him, and stir up anger on her behalf. She feels like warmth and good intentions. She feels nothing like a real murderer.

Elliot...definitely has layers that Joshua hasn't grasped yet. But he's both a good enough person to immediately condemn what was done to Joshua, and a reasonable enough person to recognize that what's done is done instead of making it into a point of pity. It's about as good of a first meeting as Joshua would dare to hope for, with someone who has a direct line to his mind and can thus easily see exactly what a disaster of an excuse for a human being he is.

And Hadrian -

- gives him pause, because as unremarkable as that first impression was, there's something about Hadrian that feels like he's going in circles around him and not really seeing anything. But getting closer to anyone's thoughts is a daunting enough idea that he doesn't want to chase it down, figure it out - that means hitting more feelings in the process and feelings are ~~terrifying~~ not a thing he needs to invite in. ]

Yeah, same. They're --

[ They're just "okay". They're not a bunch of people he particularly cares to allow any closer to him than he's already forced to have them - feeling the bursts and fits of their emotions, the subtle hints of what hides below the surface, knowing they're always privy to some part of his loud, abrasive mind. It's what pushes him away from them. What he fights back against, because he never need anybody before and sure as hell doesn't need them now. ]

Too much. So, what kind of tunes do you know? [ Awkwardawkwardawkward. ]

[ Hey, awkward subject changes are half his life, he can roll with that. ]

A lot of folk songs from home, mostly.

[ Rock and roll won't exist until three sequels later and even then almost nobody knows what the fuck it is. ]

Well? Go on, then.

[ Don't just tell him about it, play one!! He's giving you free range right now.

This might even be the most pally he gets, bruh. ]

[ Well, this is definitely a rare amount of agreeability from Bakugo, no sense in wasting it by saying...something...anything?

Sure, have a song. ]

Gildor know you can do that?

[ is Seth's first, informal question. ]

Hiding in here isn't going to stop him from recruiting you once he finds out.

[ Which sounds like a complaint. Seth's found himself softening towards the quiet intrusion of whatever snatch of tune Gildor's thinking about into his own head. It's a bad sign, Seth knows. He's not supposed to be getting used to it. Finding Joshua actually playing aloud is weird kind of relief. At least his broodmate isn't present enough in his head for his imaginings to sound so loudly. ]

I haven't met him yet.

[ So...no, probably, although given the way things are here he supposes that not having actually talked to someone isn't really a guarantee of anything. He's definitely felt things that weren't coming from anyone he'd directly spoken to (although he hadn't nailed down much about the presumed sources, since his instinctive reaction to feelings is "shove head under sand like ostrich"). ]

He'll find you. Music's his thing. It's a whole...

[ Seth gestures, robes flapping dramatically. ]

What's your name?

[ Because Seth won't pluck it out of his mind. The creeping sense of familiarity he feels towards most everyone in the Nest is something he walls out and forcibly ignores. He'll introduce himself as if they aren't joined at the head. ]

[ The attempt at isolation is something Joshua can appreciate, even if he hasn't had much luck in putting up his own walls. ]

Joshua Bright, nice to meet you.

Seth Gecko.

[ At which point Seth tips his glass towards Joshua without returning the platitude. This isn't exactly ideal. Nothing's wrong with meting Joshua in particular, but Seth could do without the feel of his mind creeping in like fog as they speak. ]

So what's your story? They pull you in for the harmonica playing?

[ If they were recruiting at all. Seth still isn't clear on how anyone was selected for this other than some nebulous potential to host symbiotes. Which is fucked, so Seth isn't considering it at length. ]

[ Ha ha. If only. ]

I like the idea of a mission where all they need is a harmonica player. I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be much of a body count on that one.

[ If that was all they needed from him, either the missions would be a lot less nasty or his own life would've been a lot better, and either of those options sounds pretty good. ]

I'm pretty good at taking care of myself, though. I won't be in anybody's way.

[ Which is completely not an answer, but he's not exactly fond of telling his story and he's also pretty sure that nobody really wants to hear it that badly. ]

I wouldn't say that.

[ Not with this bunch. How many fatalities have they racked up on what should have been a cakewalk? This mission could have been far easier if this team all hadn't scattered to the wind. ]

But that's good to know. Not that I think there's any plan here for you to get in the way of. Seems pretty disorganized, if you ask me.

[ It's a bad job. The sooner they got it over with the better, and not just because Seth could ditch these robes. ]

What'd you do before this? Musician?

I can't argue with that.

[ Nobody really seemed to be in charge, half of them didn't seem to have a plan and the other half were chasing down whatever leads they had in completely different directions...

Definitely not a well-oiled machine like Ouroboros or even the Bracer Guild. It was going to take some getting used to.

That question, though. There's a long, slightly awkward pause as he tries to decide how to handle it. He used to hide it. It doesn't seem worth the effort here, with everyone up in each others' thoughts, and it's not like his past is here to catch up to him. There's nobody here he needs to protect from it.

So, the truth. As much as he doesn't like it. ]

Assassin.

[ Totally not that different than musician.....right.... ]

[ Seth's first reaction: are you bullshitting me?

The question rises in his mind and pops like a soap bubble, never forming fully. It's clear that Joshua isn't fucking with him. The links in their mind underscore honesty very clearly. It's technically a boon, but Seth considers that it also applies to him right now and can't bring himself to appreciate it. ]

No shit?

[ Rhetorical, filling the silence as Seth processes. ]

I'm guessing that's going to come in handy sooner or later, the way things are going here.

[ Which is both just a logical assertion and a sign of Seth's low opinion about the effectiveness of this group. ]

[ He catches that flicker of disbelief, but doesn't comment on it. It's expected (or, at least, it says a lot more to him when someone isn't surprised by it). Weissmann may have set his sights on Joshua for the malleability of his age and mental state, but it wouldn't surprise Joshua at all if he'd also taken into consideration that nobody expects to get shanked by a small child.

It is what it is. ]

It's looking that way.

[ Which he doesn't sound particularly pleased about. If they have to kill anyone here, they clearly screwed up somewhere along the line. ]

[ At least he doesn't sound overly enthusiastic about the prospect of having to spill some blood. That'd be something to worry about in it's own right, but some reluctance is a good thing. They have enough loose cannons on this mission without an assassin who enjoyed their work too much in the mix. ]

Fingers crossed we get lucky, right?

[ Though even the idea of leaving it all up to chance is an affront to Seth. ]

I hear it's always a shitshow with this bunch.

[ Maybe that'll be comforting to Joshua. It's not really a covert operation when people are smashing everything on their way out. ]

[ He doesn't particularly believe in luck; as far as he's concerned, what most people call "luck" he'd call good reactions and the ability to make good use (or failure to do so) of your circumstances.

He's not that kind of pedantic dick about these things, though, so it goes unsaid. ]

There doesn't seem to be much...coordination in this group.

[ A polite understatement, really; he's kind of amazed that some of these people manage to coexist within ten selges of each other. ]

That's generous.

[ Which might be rude, but Seth's patience has waned. ]

I'm surprised they haven't blown this entire operation yet.

[ All Lexa's accusations that Seth's attitude would turn out to be part of the problem, he can't see how his unwillingness to merge minds makes anything about this group worse. ]

You worried about it yet?

I am.

[ But worrying is unproductive, so he tries not to focus on it. ~~If only he could apply that logic to self-hatred.~~ ]

But I'm not sure how to deal with it.

[ Don't worry about things, do something about them. That's what he'd always lived by. But getting a few dozen people from wildly different backgrounds, moral codes, and motivations on the same page? He's an assassin, not a magician. ]

As far as I can figure out? Work your own angle while the rest of them chase their tails.

[ #teamwork ]

If we're lucky, we'll get somewhere before they blow it all up.

[ Since from what Seth hears, that's how every mission ends with this crew. They make noisy exits. And so far, they've been lucky enough to get shit done before having to run for the hills. Seth doesn't expect that to hold up. ]

[ Blow it...up...

Oy. ]

I'd really like to think that's just a metaphor.

[ It sounds very much like they're not going to be that lucky. ]

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Just Ilde Things

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kicks down the door what's up it's me

cracks knuckles

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