station72 | ( mental link ) day :041

( I'm headed back up. I'm not really gonna be of use here, unless you guys are really screwed. )

[Shepard is practical about practical matters.]

( You? )

( I'm— )

[ he wants to stay, that much is obvious. Juno hates being relegated to the sidelines for anything and he has a need to feel useful. but — Nureyev. Nureyev is still asleep on the Station and... Juno has abandoned him once already. he hates the thought of him up there, vulnerable and alone. ]

( I'm going back. Not really an outdoors kind of lady; all this fresh air is bad for my lungs. )

( Fair enough. )

[Shepard's not going to call you out on this one, Juno. Emotions are scary and we do not need to discuss them.]

( Plenty to do on the station anyways. I'm thinking about trying to run anybody who's willing through some kind of basic training on not dying. Surprisingly few spacers for a space station. )

( Yeah, I get the impression a lot of them haven't even left Earth. )

[ through the mental link, Earth is a distant part of the past for Juno. he's never seen it, barely knows anything about its history or its traditions, so he can't really imagine living in a time that hasn't spread itself across the galaxy. ]

( What kind of training were you thinking? )

[At the word Earth, Shepard's memory leaks abruptly, an acrid spurt of smoke-smell and a deep, bone-felt rumble, like the sound of a rockfall, or a building collapsing. Fires, red in the dark. Then it's gone, shut off; Shepard's Earth is at war, and losing badly. Whenever she thinks of home, she remembers that it's burning, that if her enemy there wins she may well be the last example of her species from that universe. And yet, here she is, shaking it off once again.]

( Basics, for starters-- how to secure your own hardsuit, how to do it for someone else if they can't. How to get around if there's no gravity, that kind of thing. You know how the older hosts, they've got this trick of dropping knowledge sort of... directly into your head? )

[Shepard exudes a vague sort of head-focused sensation, as if to mimic the experience at Juno without repeating it.]

( That doesn't cut it with me. In an emergency you need to have known and done something before, not just remember what if felt like for someone else to have done it. Muscle memory. )

[ he lets the impression of war-torn Earth slide off him with only the slightest acknowledgement of it — or it sinks, maybe, into the deep tar pit of him without making a ripple. ]

( Sure, makes sense. ) [ it should probably be a necessity when you're living on a space station; he doesn't leave Mars often enough to have needed it back home. ] ( Self-defence too, maybe. I know we're not exactly a militia, but where I'm from, it never hurts to know which way to point a pistol. )

( I've been told I don't have the demeanor to teach a basic self defense course. )

[Asuka's exact phrasing had been somewhat harsher. It lifts the spirits, it truly does, to see the young people so engaged.]

( But if you're up for figuring out the logistics and teaching the lessons, I'm in favor. It's not like we're here to make friends with the Enemy, after all, and as far as I've been told, they're trying to screw us right back. )

( It can't be that hard, right? Pick a time and place, get some people who know what they're doing to show off. I should at least be able to teach someone to hit a target with a phaser. )

[ it's pretty obvious that Juno has never been much of anything but a detective with single-minded obsession. ]

( I'll show you where the shooting range is, once we're up there. )

[Shepard can appreciate a certain focus on the important things. She is, after all, the kind of person who joined the military the moment, was quickly shunted into black ops, and fully intends to stay there for the rest of her life if not forcibly discharged for one reason or another.]

( You'll have to catch me up on what a 'phaser' is. Different worlds, different tech, right? )

[ there's a grateful acknowledgement of her offer. if there's one thing he can tolerate about the whole hivemind thing, it's that it makes it way easier to get away without niceties. ]

( True enough, yeah. It's just a standard laser pistol. ) [ he's familiar enough with it that he doesn't even have to deliberately try to communicate the impression of it to her; it's already on his mind. ] ( Stun and kill settings, rechargeable ammo. Nothing special. )

( See that's what's wild to me. Lasers small enough to fit in a pistol and powerful enough to actually do damage. I think the closest I ever got was when got this particle beam once, but it was a beast. )

[Shepard's mental associations with the gun are visceral and readily available, easy as skimming a fingerful of icing from a cake, if Juno were of a curious mind. The gun itself is a generous double-armful, organic in design, covered in a metallic chitin with rounded beetle-shell edges and almost-living heat. The energy required, at least in Shepard's universe, to create the focused radiation of a combat-capable laser is orders of magnitude higher than what it takes to fire a physical projectile.

But oh, how those bugs do fry on beams of red light!]

( Now you got me looking forward to it. )

( I'm staying. )

[ Grim determination. Resignation. A refusal to be beaten or give up. ]

[ that's a feeling he can understand, and he respects it, some glint of approval in his mind. he'd be right there with her if he didn't have a sleeping body to think about; Nureyev's voice promising I won't abandon you. if he stayed here, he's not so sure he'd be intending to walk away from it again. ]

( Well, let's just hope you'll have an easier time of it with the crowd thinned out. ) [ having the whole Nest around seemed clumsy to him from the start, but maybe that's because he's used to working alone. ] ( Got any ideas for the next part of the plan yet? )

[ it's a restless sort of curiosity, frustrated that there's nothing he can do. ]

( Not yet. )

[ She doesn't like admitting that, but it's better than lying. Better than pretending that she has it figured out. She's making this up as she goes. ]

( I need to see what happens next and figure out where we're going and how many people we're actually still going to have down here. )

( It sounds like it's politics from here on out. )

[ there's some disdain for that, like cringing away from a bad taste; he'll do legwork all they want, but he's something of a blunt force object. he can't stand the manipulative nature of politicking. ]

( I mean, we've got an identity. You're gonna have to pull some strings. )

( I'm not a politician, but I can try. )

[ She's done it before. Been a social butterfly. Tried her best to get people to like her.

She could do it again. Lie and pretend that everything is fine. It might be harder, though. ]

( I dunno what strings to pull. Maybe I'll find out. )

( Yeah, I'm not much of a puppet master myself. If I could, I'd get you in touch with my— ) [ a stutter, lost for words briefly before he just chooses one: ] ( —better half. He's a real people person when he's not comatose. )

[ he doesn't want to think about Nureyev right now. he racks his brain for anything to say about politics instead, to a girl who sounds about as enthusiastic for it as he does. surely he should have picked up on some tricks by now, after a lifetime of picking through the crime scenes of politicking. ]

( I guess your options are to win trust where it matters or make sure the bad guys look like the wrong choice. Maybe play up the teenager angle, make yourself seem harmless. )

[ Comatose. Her lips twitch slightly in a scowl. She hates the idea. She hates that it keeps happening. There's nothing she can do about it, though. It's just going to keep happening.

She hates feeling helpless.

But that's not what this is about. ]

( I don't want to be harmless. But I guess if it helps, I can pretend. )

( That's the spirit. I think. )

[ he has no idea. he's never bothered to be any good at deception, and she's already showing way more restraint and foresight than he ever did as a teenager. ]

( To be honest, I'm more of a "shoot first, ask questions when everyone's incapacitated" kind of lady. )

( You're not any kind of lady. )

[ She's a bit dry, there. ]

( Ugh - yeah. I do better with action. Not waiting around. I keep feeling like I'm going to jump out of my skin, but it'd probably be even worse on the Station. )

( Uh. Harsh? ) [ he's not being sarcastic -- he's genuinely baffled by her saying that. he isn't even sure what she means by it. ] ( I've had plenty of people tell me I'm not all that ladylike for a lady, but that's a new one. )

[ that feeling like she's going to jump out of her skin, though. that's common ground for sure. ]

( I'd say to hope we're well shut of it soon, but I've never seen hope make a difference in anything. )

( You're a guy- )

[ That's not really the point of this conversation, though. And she's not going to question what he calls himself. She gives off a mental shrug and tries to settle herself.

She is way too used to this whole mind chat thing now. It's weird. ]

( Hope just disappoints you. )

[ he's still confused by her thinking he's a guy -- at least in the sense of "not a lady" -- but he lets it slide when she noticeably drops the subject, mostly because it just doesn't happen in the galaxy he knows. people are too busy clawing their way up the ladder to argue about gender. ]

( See? You're already a step ahead. Just make sure you keep any idealists down there in line. )

[ he means you, bakugo. with your heroism and your friendship speeches. ]

[ Idealists. She doesn't know what to do about them. She wants to so her beat, she really does, but people who insist on attaching too many rules - she's not sure how she feels about them. She'd rather win, honestly, instead of take the moral high ground. At least now, anyway. ]

( We'll see if any of them actually listen to me... )

(I'm staying.)

[This seems like an odd thing to add, considering he doesn't entirely know the other person too well. But -- he wouldn't be himself if he didn't.]

(If you head back up there, anything you want done down here while you're out?)

[The last bit, he says a little more wryly, because he knows the answer's probably a negative.] (Fancy souvenir?)

( You know, I think I'd settle for not having to pick up any more corpses. )

[ he can say it as sarcastically as he wants, but Juno's mind is swarming with guilt for the fact that he's going back to the Station when it's a risk that anyone will die — this pervasive, self-centred perception of my fault my fault every time someone dies if he could have done something, anything to prevent it.

but it's guilt taking him back to the Station, too. he can't win either way. ]

[There's suddenly quiet on Shiro's end. Forced silence. Abrupt stars in place of thoughts, in place of the sudden flash of faces. The people now gone leaving holes behind.]

[But not even the walls of starlight can keep out the sickly flickers of green from Lavellan's death.]

[I should have been faster, should have been stronger, been there for him I should have I could have -- the broken body tossed like a ragdoll rumbling like thunder picking up on the flickers from Juno's mind.]

(I... I think that's a good thing to shoot for...)

[ ah — he's not used to getting hit with the same thing in return when something like this gets out. it's not something he's usually aware of until someone else in the Nest reacts, because it's a drop of water in an ocean for Juno, utterly ordinary. but he's had people flinch from it here, or snap at him for it.

the edges of Shiro's mind hum with the same frequency, and Juno shrugs it off, lets it sink into his tar pit mind without leaving its mark. he's dug enough graves with his own hands; there's no room in him for anyone else's guilt. ]

( I'm not going to turn down a drink if you want something to fill your suitcase. )

[It's both a shock and a relief when... when there's no reaction. When Juno's mind basically deflects and dissolves the sudden storm. It doesn't calm things, not exactly. There's too much crackling green for calm.]

[But the casual sort of acceptance stops the feedback loop. Gives him a moment to breathe.]

[Thank you is what he wants to say. Even though it doesn't totally feel appropriate.]

(I'd buy you one, if... there were places to buy it here. I don't have any on me.)

[The thought that counts, right?]

[ he'd taken the guilt head-on without flinching, but he skitters away from that pale shade of gratitude like something that's lived in the dark too long seeing the glare of a flashlight. he doesn't want that. something like that doesn't warrant gratitude. ]

( Yeah, I didn't think I'd be that lucky. No cosmetics around here either. It's not much of a tourist spot. )

[ he never really got dolled up the way Nureyev would, but even a lady like him misses make-up when there's none at hand. ]

[He does his best to reel it back, the feeling of gratitude, once the sense of recoil comes through. Apology filtering in, taking its place. It had been instinctive on his part.]

[But he still doesn't want to make him uncomfortable.]

(Cosmetics? What kind?)

[That seems like a safer subject. Granted, Shiro is not an expert on the topic, but hey. If he knows, maybe he can keep an eye out.]

( I don't know, nail polish, mostly. I used to paint them when I was sitting around the office with nothing to do. Maybe lipstick. I'm kind of a mess with eyeliner, but a lady doesn't have much of a look without it. )

[ really, Juno never would have expected himself to complain about a lack of make-up, but he supposes it's homesickness. wanting his old habits back, his old routine. ]

[Hey, nothing wrong with wanting routine. Especially in a place like this. In a situation so outside normal for most of them.]

(Have you ever met Elena? She might have something.)

[Then again, she had joined them down here, mid-mission. So maybe not...] (But... people don't take things with them, when they "leave". Ask around up there. Someone might have left something behind.)

( I haven't had the pleasure, no. You probably didn't notice, ) [ sarcasm haha he's so funny ] ( but I'm not exactly a social butterfly. )

[ other than the entirety of Nureyev's Brood hovering around him lately, he's done pretty well with avoiding most people. he doubts most of the Nest knows who he is beyond a vague, unpleasant feeling in the back of their mind.

also— ]

( ... Kind of morbid, don't you think? Stocking up on things from comatose people. )

[ he's not judging, he swears. it's not a bad suggestion, just... yikes. ]

(I had no idea. You seem like such a people person.)

[Hey, they can both have a little sarcasm. There's some genuine amusement there, though. Something a little apologetic -- sorry you're not a social person, but you're stuck with everyone in your head.]

[But it fades. Quickly.]

(It is. I don't know what else to do, though, if you really needed something out here.)

I'm finishing this.

[ And that's that. ]

Edited 2018-03-01 00:22 (UTC)

( Yeah, I could have guessed that for myself. )

[ so determined to be the hero — not that Juno can talk, he knows that. the urge to stay behind is simmering under his own skin, eating him alive. it's just that the thing pulling him back to the Station is a stronger guilt. ]

( Didn't think politics was up your alley, though. )

Do I look like a politician to you.

[ Don't answer that. ]

I promised Bellamy w'd get justice for Keya. If I leave now, it makes me all cheap talk.

[ there's a bright little flash of amusement -- Juno was clearly going to be a smart-ass until Bakugo pushed past the opportunity. ]

( Not so sure anyone on this rock is interested in justice, Katsuki. )

I am. [ Said simply, as if no other truth had ever found way into his heart. ]

Besides, if I can get a shot at that astral-bodied fuck who dared attack me n' my world, I've gotta' be here for it.

[ And then, all the gears in his brain grind to a halt -- catching the way Juno's addressed him. He sputters: ]

What're you addressing me so casually for!!

( What? It's just a name. )

[ he genuinely doesn't see the big deal, because politeness never made it into the culture on Mars, even among the richer socialites. but he is a little smug to have riled Bakugo so easily. ]

( You know this Enemy thing isn't going to just show up here, right? We've been after its foot soldiers. )

It's MY name. It's like -- it's just WEIRD.

[ his parents are the only ones who call him that. someone else, someone with a blinding smile ( he thinks it's mocking him -- ), calls him kacchan. the sound of midoriya's voice is a flowing thing between them: kacchan? are you all right? and he slaps it aside, trying to keep it from reaching juno. juno, who he doesn't want to be anything less than steady around, for some reason or another. ]

Its agent is here. Why couldn't we track them back to where they come from?

( mental link ) day :041

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why did march murder us ps i still want this