( mental link ) day :041

[iuno]

[ some number of hours after the announcement about the decision they have to make — return to the Station or stay on Hyrypia — there's a restless feeling that hums along the Nest connection for a good few minutes before Juno actually speaks. a sensation like drumming your fingers along a surface; starting to speak and changing your mind. starting— ]

( So. ) [ a pause. nearly vibrating with that strange, jittery impatience. ] ( Who's going where? )

[ he plainly doesn't care, and it's not a social question. but he thinks it would be good to know who to expect to be around on one side or the other. ]

Comments

[iuno]

( You know, I think I'd settle for not having to pick up any more corpses. )

[ he can say it as sarcastically as he wants, but Juno's mind is swarming with guilt for the fact that he's going back to the Station when it's a risk that anyone will die — this pervasive, self-centred perception of my fault my fault every time someone dies if he could have done something, anything to prevent it.

but it's guilt taking him back to the Station, too. he can't win either way. ]

[shiro2hero]

[There's suddenly quiet on Shiro's end. Forced silence. Abrupt stars in place of thoughts, in place of the sudden flash of faces. The people now gone leaving holes behind.]

[But not even the walls of starlight can keep out the sickly flickers of green from Lavellan's death.]

[I should have been faster, should have been stronger, been there for him I should have I could have -- the broken body tossed like a ragdoll rumbling like thunder picking up on the flickers from Juno's mind.]

(I... I think that's a good thing to shoot for...)

[iuno]

[ ah — he's not used to getting hit with the same thing in return when something like this gets out. it's not something he's usually aware of until someone else in the Nest reacts, because it's a drop of water in an ocean for Juno, utterly ordinary. but he's had people flinch from it here, or snap at him for it.

the edges of Shiro's mind hum with the same frequency, and Juno shrugs it off, lets it sink into his tar pit mind without leaving its mark. he's dug enough graves with his own hands; there's no room in him for anyone else's guilt. ]

( I'm not going to turn down a drink if you want something to fill your suitcase. )

[shiro2hero]

[It's both a shock and a relief when... when there's no reaction. When Juno's mind basically deflects and dissolves the sudden storm. It doesn't calm things, not exactly. There's too much crackling green for calm.]

[But the casual sort of acceptance stops the feedback loop. Gives him a moment to breathe.]

[Thank you is what he wants to say. Even though it doesn't totally feel appropriate.]

(I'd buy you one, if... there were places to buy it here. I don't have any on me.)

[The thought that counts, right?]

[iuno]

[ he'd taken the guilt head-on without flinching, but he skitters away from that pale shade of gratitude like something that's lived in the dark too long seeing the glare of a flashlight. he doesn't want that. something like that doesn't warrant gratitude. ]

( Yeah, I didn't think I'd be that lucky. No cosmetics around here either. It's not much of a tourist spot. )

[ he never really got dolled up the way Nureyev would, but even a lady like him misses make-up when there's none at hand. ]

[shiro2hero]

[He does his best to reel it back, the feeling of gratitude, once the sense of recoil comes through. Apology filtering in, taking its place. It had been instinctive on his part.]

[But he still doesn't want to make him uncomfortable.]

(Cosmetics? What kind?)

[That seems like a safer subject. Granted, Shiro is not an expert on the topic, but hey. If he knows, maybe he can keep an eye out.]

[iuno]

( I don't know, nail polish, mostly. I used to paint them when I was sitting around the office with nothing to do. Maybe lipstick. I'm kind of a mess with eyeliner, but a lady doesn't have much of a look without it. )

[ really, Juno never would have expected himself to complain about a lack of make-up, but he supposes it's homesickness. wanting his old habits back, his old routine. ]

[shiro2hero]

[Hey, nothing wrong with wanting routine. Especially in a place like this. In a situation so outside normal for most of them.]

(Have you ever met Elena? She might have something.)

[Then again, she had joined them down here, mid-mission. So maybe not...] (But... people don't take things with them, when they "leave". Ask around up there. Someone might have left something behind.)

[iuno]

( I haven't had the pleasure, no. You probably didn't notice, ) [ sarcasm haha he's so funny ] ( but I'm not exactly a social butterfly. )

[ other than the entirety of Nureyev's Brood hovering around him lately, he's done pretty well with avoiding most people. he doubts most of the Nest knows who he is beyond a vague, unpleasant feeling in the back of their mind.

also— ]

( ... Kind of morbid, don't you think? Stocking up on things from comatose people. )

[ he's not judging, he swears. it's not a bad suggestion, just... yikes. ]

[shiro2hero]

(I had no idea. You seem like such a people person.)

[Hey, they can both have a little sarcasm. There's some genuine amusement there, though. Something a little apologetic -- sorry you're not a social person, but you're stuck with everyone in your head.]

[But it fades. Quickly.]

(It is. I don't know what else to do, though, if you really needed something out here.)