station72 | { open post | days :039

Entry tags:

{ open post | days :039 - :041 }

CHARACTERS: Rogue & ??? OR Elena & ???
WHERE: The Morran Ship & Far Shore
WHEN: Day :039 - Day :042
SUMMARY: Boat things. Decision making.
WARNINGS: Will update as needed!

ROGUE will spend much of her time wandering the ship, particularly the sections of the Lower Deck that lend themselves to easy observation of the sea. She'll avoid the more crowded areas, preferring to make said observations in relative peace, but she won't turn away from company.

ELENA will be drinking. When she's not enjoying the alcohol provided by their hosts, she'll be alternating time in the open air space on the Main Deck and the hosts' cramped quarters on the Upper Deck.

Unconventional formatting, but come at me. Brackets are totes fine, btw, this is just a slapdash post.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Watching the sea doesn't seem like such a bad idea, honestly. Asuka's been feeling strangely drained since their last big night and she's not sure why. Everything feels slow. A touch listless. The ship doesn't feel big enough for her to do much about it, either, so she's taken to wandering in a bit of a restless funk. She's hoping to find somewhere isolated and quiet, so she pauses when she discovers that she's not the only one with the idea. She knows its a host - one she's seen "around", but never actually talked to that much. Under her veil, her lips purse and she hesitates, debating on whether to leave or not.

"What brings you all the way down here?"

As if she hasn't come down here intentionally herself.

It's hard to miss the approach of another host, someone familiar but not. Rogue's spent so much of her life around telepaths and others with mental abilities that she picks up on the presence as soon as it filters closer, and she makes sure to project an open feeling as best she can.

"Just wanted a little peace and quiet, I guess."

Her voice is a gravelly southern drawl, so little time having passed since her altercation with Bucky that it's difficult to speak. She still does it though, because it's nice to have someone to talk to at all.

"What about you, sugar?"

Sugar. Weird nickname and Asuka's not entirely sure she likes it. There's a prickly sense of defensiveness about her - a hedge of thorns that walls out the rest of the world and fills up the space between them. It's a wariness. The sense of an animal wounded once before and now prepared to fight or run if presented with another threat.

"Same, I guess. It's just been... quiet. And I don't know what to do with myself - how much longer are they going to drag this stupid pilgrimage out for, anyway?"

That prickling tells Rogue a lot about the other woman - a young girl, really, probably mid-teens, and someone who's had a hard life without any sense of stability in a long while. She's experienced it from the outside from so many of the students she worked with over the years, the ones who had been kicked out of their homes, abandoned by people they'd trusted, used for what they could do instead of being loved for who they are. For a moment she wonders which applies in this case, but those sort of questions don't make for easy conversation.

"Probably a while yet, I'd say. Unless something drastic happens to move things along, it doesn't look like there's a clear choice yet." And they still have work to do themselves.

"We're trying to force them without looking like we're forcing them, aren't we?" Asuka replies. She drifts a bit closer, arms folded over her chest as she stubbornly stares out over the ocean, watching the surface of the water.

"I still think we should've just blown it up."

There's no real compunction in that statement, though. She's just saying it for the sake of saying it.

There's no sense of judgment as Rogue processes the statement, just a thread of curiosity weaving through that impression of an open welcome that is still firmly in place. There's a reason the girl has that opinion, whether it's strongly felt or not, and what matters is why she thinks that way.

"Why do you say that?"

"It'd be easier than... this."

And Lavellan wouldn't have had to die for it. He'd still be alive. She'd still have a place to belong. She'd still have her first friend. So many things could've been avoided if they'd decided to just get rid of it all instead of trying this covert ops bullshit.

"We'd be done already."

"But more people would be dead than there are now."

In a purely numbers game, they're doing better with their current course of action, saving more lives than they've lost. But she knows all too well that things are never that simple, especially in times of war.

More people she didn't know anything about. Better than people she knows and cares about. Better than her. There's an ugly boil that rolls under the surface, but she knows better than to indulge them too much. Even if a part of her feels vindictively pleased about it.

"No one I know."

Maybe she wants to see what Rogue will say.

It's a sad way of looking at things, but it's not one that's unfamiliar. And it's not one that Rogue can automatically dismiss as invalid, because it's human nature to want to protect and keep close the people one cares about.

"In hindsight, maybe it would have been the better option. But just going into things, I like to hope that we wouldn't make such a decision lightly."

"Maybe. But... I don't know-" She remembers what Bakugo called her. A killer and a murderer and she bristles, mostly at herself and the imagined argument in her head. That's not fair. He doesn't - he's not here. Don't think about it.

"Now that we're here, we can't. But maybe we should've."

Now she's just arguing for the sake or arguing.

"Whether it's a single life or millions, they deserve some consideration before choosing to end them. The costs of such actions need to be weighed against the benefits, and sometimes you have to set aside your personal feelings."

It's not said as a lecture, but as light conversation. Funny how Rogue can talk about war and genocide so casually, but bringing up a potentially damaged past is too much for her. What exactly does that say about the life she's had to live so far?

There's a pang of guilt that works it's way past her prickly hedge of self defense. The woman is right. They deserve more than a single sentence. But weighed against the rest, does Asuka have a choice?

Which is a ridiculous queston. Of course she does. She's always had a choice. She just has to make it instead of letting herself be carried by events. Her weight shifts and she frowns under the veil. She doesn't like this much.

"I guess."

A pause. A beat.

"...what's your name, anyway?"

Edited 2018-02-28 06:08 (UTC)

Convincing others to think a certain way has never been Rogue's style. Convincing people to think, period? That's what's most important in her mind. Think things through, make informed opinions, have all the facts and consider consequences.

No one said it was easy.

"Rogue. What's yours, sugar?"

"Asuka," she replies with a shrug. She's still tight and tense and a thousand other things. It's part of being a teenager. With her, it's also jsut a consequence of what she's been through and what she's done, even since arriving on the Station.

"Rogue's kind of a weird name."

That's probably the hundredth time she's gotten that particular comment, and it still makes her laugh. "Thanks, I was a teenager when I chose it," she explains easily. "I'd just left home and my whole world had changed in ways I wasn't expecting, so I was probably a bit dramatic."

"You chose your own name when you were a teenager? They just let you do that?" Asuka puts her chin in her hand. For someone who tries to be independent, most of her life has been spent under the watchful eye of an adult guardian. She hasn't really had much of an actual chance to spread her own wings.

Rogue gives an exaggerated shrug to be sure it's visible through the costume. "There wasn't really anyone to stop me, and it was kinda the thing to do with the people I ended up staying with. Pretty much everyone chose a new name."

As if Elena could be drinking without Damon. He's giving her her space, aware as he is of how tough all of this is for her — she invests so much more in the people around them, and all the hosts dropping like flies can't be easy for her — but he's still nearby, with a drink of his own, mental link open and ready should she choose to talk to him. Occasionally he even has observations of his own, though he doesn't expect Elena to respond —

( Hey. You're going to be okay, you know. )

It's not the best alcohol she's ever had, but it does the trick, dulling her cravings and numbing just a little of the pain. There have been more people coming and going than usual lately, comas going around like a bad case of the flu, and it's... starting to get to Elena. Caroline's arrival has helped somewhat, but her best friend has been dealing with so many of her own issues that sometimes she's just needed a little space, especially since Care doesn't have the best shielding yet.

Thank goodness for Damon, who always seems to understand when she has these times of needing to be alone but also needing him there.

( Sometimes I wonder. )

There's a bit of humor in the words, a flat attempt at a joke, but there's also honesty.

Yeah, unsurprising. Even for the hosts she doesn't know well, their going into comas would hit her hard — she'll be worried about all the people they knew who may be suffering now, wondering if she could have done something, sad that she never took the time to get to know them so that she could be more sad... Being Elena Gilbert is an exhausting proposition. All Damon can do is try to make it less so.

( If you can live through Mystic Falls, Elena, you can live through this. It'll suck, but you can. )

Hearing that isn't always the most helpful, Damon knows. What does it matter if she can live through it and be okay later when she's not okay now? Figuring out the balance between hope for the future and comfort in the now is tricky, but it seems like this time Elena could use some reminding that this isn't all her life will ever be.

[ He knows her so well. Being Elena Gilbert is exhausting, caring about the people they've lost, the people left behind, the ripple of worry and empathy spreading outward until she can't see the end of it. If she didn't have Damon to be her anchor in the storm, she'd break apart on all the rocks. ]

( Sometimes this seems so much harder than anything back home. )

❰ fortunate, then, that he's not going anywhere.

They're in your head and you're a new vampire, you feel it more.

his tone is matter-of-fact, but not without sympathy. of course it feels harder — she's got all the newbie vampire emotional issues, plus the drama of the symbiote. while rationalizing pain doesn't suddenly make it stop, it can give context enough to remember that this too shall pass.

Give yourself a break, baby. ❱

[ Giving herself a break isn't usually part of her vocabulary. ]

( Gil and Lakshmi are staying. Seth and Prompto— ) [ his name catches, cracking in her mind ] ( They're both in comas. I'll be the only one left up there. )

[ The only member of her brood, the little family she hadn't asked for but that made her feel whole. Without them, everything would hurt so much more. ]

❰ ah... this one is harder for damon to figure out how to navigate, given his extreme distaste for lakshmi and his lack of fucks given for his own brood. he feels... somewhat empty, when he thinks about it, like there are beth- and sirius-shaped holes in him, but otherwise he doesn't really care. it's not as though he felt all that whole to begin with, he can't miss what he's never had.

but elena... elena cares. elena cares a whole hell of a lot. damon is quiet for a moment as he considers, mulling the idea around in his head.

You know, I feel closer to Sam than to most of my brood. I chose him, he's mine. No one forced him on me, like they forced the brood.

and that means a hell of a lot more to damon than his connection to misato, who chose lakshmi, or to kavinsky, who he finds annoying at best.

You'll have him up there. You'll have Caroline. You'll have me. And they're staying down here, but they're not gone.

even if he wishes lakshmi was. ❱

[ Damon, Caroline, and Sam. The man she loves, her best friend, and someone who means the world to her. That should be enough, she should be able to focus on what she has, but try as she might, she can't shake the feeling of what she's lost. Who she's lost. And she feels like such a child with her next words that it makes her even more upset about the whole thing. ]

( I know that, I do. I just... I really miss Prompto. )

[ He'd been the first friend she'd made here who wasn't connected to anyone else. Sam was close to Damon, Shiro was close to Sam, but Prompto had just arrived on the planet and been an instant best friend. He'd accepted her vampirism without hesitation and hadn't looked at her differently for it. And she misses him so much. ]

❰ honestly, it's not unlike how he feels about alaric — he misses him, no matter who else he has who should make that missing feel less. not that damon would ever admit to missing alaric the way elena can admit to missing prompto, of course, but he does, and now he apparently always will. it's a sort of schrodinger's mourning, where alaric is both alive and dead at the same time. it sucks.

I know. But you will see him again. And until you do, you just have to live with that.

there's no panacea he can offer, no magic words — prompto is in a coma. it sucks. but elena's life and world can't stop because of it. she's lost more than will ever be fair, but she doesn't get to give up because of it. ❱

Edited 2018-02-28 22:12 (UTC)

[ She just has to live with it. Like everything else, she just has to endure the endless heartache and suffering of once again losing people she cares about. It threatens to overwhelm her at times, inching her closer to that familiar place of wishing she'd just drowned with her parents, or that she'd stayed dead after that second night on the bridge. Close, but not quite there, not yet. She's trying hard not to go back to that place. ]

( If you ever go into a coma, I'm going to be really upset. )

[ Not sad upset (well, yes, of course that), but more along the lines of tearing the entire station apart trying to find a way to wake him up again. Just the thought of it leaves her with the urge to physically attack something, which... is a fairly new sensation for her. ]

❰ What, me? Coma? Nah. I've got too much shit to do and too many people to look out for. Even if I could use the nap.

of course people don't get a choice in if they fall into a coma or not, damon isn't an idiot. he knows that. but he's not going to tell elena that may be a possibility she'll have to come to grips with when he can feel her total, manic terror at the idea of it. besides, in a perfect world, it'd be true — he has to look out for her and sam and caroline. there's no way he'd let himself fall into a coma, knowing that.

they don't live in a perfect world. he and elena know that better than most. but for right now, for her, he can overlook that fact. ❱

Edited 2018-02-28 22:35 (UTC)

( You can sleep all you want when we get back up there, so long as I get to join you. Is your bed even big enough for two? )

[ She's trying to make the conversation a little lighter, while asking a legitimate question. Her previous stay on the station had been... traumatic, and hadn't exactly included a tour of all the living spaces. ]

❰ I don't think there's any room on the stationbigenough for a bed that could fit two, all we get are out little cubbies. Might be able to ask for one, though.

it's something to ask sam about. hell, ask the station for a room with a bed big enough to fit three, all of them could use a nap, and damon doesn't like the idea of sacking out without sam right there with them. all of them know that a good situation can turn on a dime — at least if sam is sleeping with them they'll all know immediately if anything goes wrong. ❱

( Hmm. I guess it's a good thing I kinda like you then, huh? )

[ She's teasing him, a fact that she makes abundantly clear by pushing a whole heap of affection at him through their connection. He's not allowed to take her joke the wrong way, she won't let him. ]

Under other circumstances, Joshua could enjoy the voyage, probably. Estelle used to give him crap about how he should get out and move more, but he'd be just fine passing the time with a book or his harmonica. The limited space, the relative quiet - those don't bother him.

But the secrecy, the fact that they're in an uncomfortable limbo with regards to the mission, and to whether most of them will stay or leave entirely - that puts a damper on things, and it keeps him on edge. So he's moving, a lot. From deck to deck, bow to stern. It's not enough to distract him from overthinking things, but it's a sight better than just parking it in one spot.

He does slow when he sees Rogue, though, because - well. There's a conversation they haven't had yet, and it's got to happen sometime.

"Hey."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

{ open post | days :039 - :041 }

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

walks in five minutes late with starbucks