mental link - :018

[circumspector]

[ There's a crackle of static, of a radio station getting tuned in and a deep breath. Not a loud one, this one, just tentative brush at whatever is closest. ]

( ... Aoba? Petre? )

[ Well, someone's awake. Tired sounding, but awake and she tries to clear her mind to focus enough to reach out broaden to whoever might be nearby. More direct, a little more present. Nervous always, when she feels disconnected from others. ]

( ... Hello? Anyone nearby? )

[ and for anyone looking for her, she's around the Bearings as she catches up on what she's missed out on, getting herself cleaned up from her extended nap time, and plugging herself back into the nest of machines in the common area. ]

Comments

[adamance]

[There is a flicker of surprise, an uptick of emotion, but it's not something that shows on Lexa's face. It's in the emotional link that's between all Hosts, and it's present there. But it fades quickly, like water disappearing down a drain. There is no reason supplied for the surprise, but anyone watching the conversation in comparison to the past ones between the two women would be able to figure it out: Lexa hadn't expected an additional push from Angel.

It's not a bad thing.

But it's still surprising.

The story she tells of Pandora reminds her of some of the descriptions that Lexa has heard before from Rhys' mouth, and she doesn't flinch. While her people haven't taken to cannibalism, she still feels strongly that their situations are comparable.

Somehow, there is more than that, but Lexa is too stubborn to pull down the mask she bears right now. As she looks at Angel, watching her carefully, she is not Lexa but Heda, the unwavering Commander of her people. Admitting that she is not quick to trust is like extending an olive branch, and it feels as if it is too much to offer. Even if this is a moment where she could share her experiences with Angel, she doesn't. Yes, Angel has seen the throne room of her mind, has seen Clarke and Costia's faces, and knows about the Flame. She has Lexa's protection as it's given freely, which is a rarity, but even then, it's all pieces of information given in shreds.

Offering more would diminish carefully built walls. She's done well despite the symbiote and despite the Host in her body to keep others from viewing her weaknesses. The world that created her is a weakness, too.

It is also a strength.]

Do you trust him?

[It feels important to ask and to continue to challenge Angel. She knows it is not acknowledgement of Angel's words, but when Lexa is being stubborn, she likes to ignore most of what someone else says.

Unfortunately, it's likely Angel's first time really seeing her this way.]

[circumspector]

[ Stubbornly, she meets it - flat, pulled expression out of the normal of her. A curl of her fingers at her side, the prickle of her abilities that are all hive mind reaction. Fight or flight. A vulnerability that sits in the hollow of her neck that if she should get to proud would leave it open to being sliced and she is keenly aware of it. Not her pleasant drifting, but in this she is solid. Direct look on her face, she has stared down too many of Jack's rages to cower from it now. Too aware of what she is, what she's done.

More than that just her own attempt to finally move past it. ecause she trusts Lexa in this, to be listened too. To have her answer considered if she says it plainly, rather than . She is doing her best to lie less these days, and if she was pleasant, she was blunt too. Wasn't going to bottle that anymore.

Still, the question isn't any easy one for all it's short. Trust isn't something she's easy with - betrayed too many people to be in a position to just going and giving it out to other people. Then there's Pandora. Being stabbed in the back was beyond just an unhappy circumstance, gone past it. At the end of the day, someone was going to get left to the skags, that was how it was. Jack would call it weakness. Jack would say never trust anyone if he could help it. Hold all the cards, that's how you do it.

Jack could rot in fucking hell. ]

Yes. In my own way, and as part of the hive, it might take years for me to adjust to the fact he had - the man responsible for my... servitude - in his head, for much the same reason he found it difficult with you - [ presses it heavy there, probably too much but the point still stands, and she would be a hypocrite to not understand his position. ] - but he deserves a chance just the same. So yes, yes I do.

[adamance]

[A chance. Lexa has been giving him chances. It's Rhys who has pushed her to this point, who has driven her agitation to the limit of wanting him dead. If he were one of her people (and technically: he is), he would be made to answer for his crime. And in a way, he also has been, forced to feel her blade against his throat and to deal with her reaching into his mind and delivering his insecurities back to him.

He is a weak man.]

Then I ask that when you give him your chance, you consider that he is so weak, so uncertain, that he cannot take any blemish. You think he has undergone pain because of your father, but you fail to see my side of things. I called him irritating, and he categorized me as being like Jack soon enough, like he had been seeking an excuse. Looking out for yourself is one thing, Angel. Those of us who have experience surviving have done that and will continue to do that. It is what is necessary. But he has a mind that will take your choice and use it against you the moment he perceives a slight.

[Yes, Lexa has considered her words, but the more she thinks about it, the more she fears Angel's willingness to give him so easily. There is something about Rhys' natural demeanor that just doesn't sit well with her.]

As for the chance you speak of, I've offered it to him. I've learned of his world. I knew Jack's name before I ever knew he had a connection to you. I attempted to bridge the gap between us.

In turn, he has offered nothing but disrespect. How many chances do you offer one man before you accept his true nature?

[circumspector]

[ The frown knitted tight on her forehead. A moment, just considering her, before she shakes her head - this is too different. She has in her short life, watched a great deal many people. Not all of them good, or right, well - not even most of them. But she wasn't interested in playing holier than thou, just what she knew, and she did, she did take Rhys for what he was. Awkward, scared, defensive. ]

I do accept people, they are as they behave, and it's better to let them just do that so you know what they'll do when it matters. [ she is passive, but she is not unobservant. ] I accept him for what he is. I just never expect anything more than what they are. Everyone can be a threat. Everyone can be a coward or even just plain old annoying. That's just... people in my experience.

But apart from that? I don't know what you want me to say?

[ A shrug, impassive, she always is. Her judgement is not that kind - everyone, to her, has use. Sometimes that is a goodness in wanting to see the best in others. Other times, it's long games of chess, moving pieces across the board, making sure the right people were in the right place. That had been her job. That was her instinct. If Rhys was a petty coward, well then she wouldn't put him close to anything defence, but nor did that mean he was useless, either. ]

[adamance]

[A hint of dissatisfaction wells up inside of her and takes hold. If she cannot pry Angel's trust for Rhys from her hands, what will she do? Lexa realizes that her concerns here are two-fold: she both wants to destroy that trust and wants to protect Angel at the same time. It's a selfish, dangerous approach to matters. Lexa does not ask for mediators. She doesn't ask for worshipful words. Yes, he has hit her pride in a way that offends her sensibilities, but the greater question is how it is a problem that will be dealt with elsewhere.

She still lacks her answer.

And in that, she doesn't know what she expected Angel to say. To concede? To a degree, she has, at least in terms of what might become an argument. She has avoided it, making it impossible for Lexa to return to that point without looking utterly foolish in the process.]

Nothing. I ask for nothing.

[To a degree, she also has to concede. Lexa can see how that benefits her more than not.

But also:]

Except for this: I ask that you understand that I will not bring harm to you the same way that your father has. I am neither kind nor caring in the most traditional of senses, and I am more prone to cruelty than you've realized. But I do not use the people I've chosen to watch over as tools. [Her words come with a sense of calculation. Her words deliver a promise, but she is also capable of betrayal, of shedding life if she views it as necessary. That won't ever change.

It's just that she's chosen to make an exception for Angel.]