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mental link

[ someone's up and awake again. Not so tired sounding, though. This time, she's remembered to go and eat before she reaches out to the rest of the hive. ]

( Is anyone in the Bearings that can give me an update on what I've... missed? As much detail as possible.

If it were safer, I might suggest we start keeping more accessible records for these... interludes. )

[ She's not fond of this not knowing everything all the time ever. Which on the note of: she sighs, little echoing tumbling thought that is edged with frustration. ]

( And... does anyone what kind of tricks lions should do? Are they meant to be predators? Are they meant to be tamed?

.... Actually, does anyone know what a lion is? I'm starting to realise I don't know very much about animals if they aren't trying to eat you. Which isn't particularly useful, right now. )

[ ... and for anyone looking for Angel, she will be with a strew of mechanical parts around her that is half in her room, half in the corridor for her shiny new, tackely bright gold performing robotic lion. ]

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( Well, we can trade, I can help you work things out here if you're not used to it. It definitely comes a bit easier to me. )

[ There's something that pauses in her, when she feels the brush of his fear, the reaction to purple light as much reason to recoil for her. Not his fault, her own, knows better than to linger on her own home. It comes up solid then, a cut off sensation. She cannot handle her own body at times, but her mind is a fine thing of control and she replaces it almost immediately with something kinder, sweeter, the splash of rain on Avera, light and relaxed and peaceful. Misunderstands for all of that. Pandora is a lot to most people she knows, when she things of it, people usually recoil. It's a cruel, unforgiving place at the best of times. ]

( There's nothing to be sorry for, that was my mistake. Tell me if I do it again and it becomes too much. )

(I'd appreciate it. Very much. I'm not entirely comfortable with people in my head yet.)

[It's weird. He's fully prepared to ride out the wave of panic and memory in his own head. Away from someone else. Anyone else. That's how it's supposed to work. But...]

[Oh god. That's rain.]

[Even the mental image of it feels incredible. It really, truly is as peaceful as she says. He doesn't respond right away, pausing to 'breathe' it in. As it were.]

(How ... how did you do that?) [And then, a little more hastily:] (No, you couldn't have known. It's. It's fine.)

[ It's a pure rain, the rain from something precious to her - the first time she stepped outside since the day her father locked her away in her high cold tower like the fairy tale princess he insisted she was as he strapped her down. The rain on her face had felt so freeing, so without taint or stain, when it splashed on her, over lips and limps and between fingers and little dips of exposed skin, and she gives it over to him. Cool, calm, there is hope here, she finds it every day. Far from the violence and the cruelty of abuses of power or sickening bloodlust. Here, here she will find a better life, and she is happy to give it to him. In her thoughts, in the way she curls her mind around his like she's taking him by the hand to lead him out.

( Feels: The sky is waiting, and it will be endless in its promises. Feels: these things cannot hurt them anymore. Feels: here, here she will find peace. ) ]

( You could say I am very used to having things in my head. So I just have a bit more in practise so to speak.

But I'm here - ) [ the direction to where she is in her room in the bearings, a brief flicker for him to find his way to her. ] ( Come to me when you can. I can help you find some quiet. )

[It's been so long since rain. Since anything like weather. It's a little shameful, to him, how he wants to linger here. Drink it in. No pun intended. Because it's almost like the other missing limb. And suddenly, in return -- though it's far clumsier than her sending -- he's reminded of that day in the cockpit. When everything clicked and felt so right. That feeling of power and effortlessness shared, like nothing could touch them, they could fly forever.]

[Thank you, in other words. For reminding him of the Black Lion. As close as he's been able to get since he got here.]

[For grounding him. While the gratitude has all the finesse of a kid's drawing, compared to her artwork, it's still a returned grip on that mental hand.]

(I'm going to say it again: I'm sorry.) [It's more a sympathetic sentiment than an apologetic one.] (I think... I might take you up on that. I'll try and figure out your lion, in exchange?)

[ She in turn takes it, the rightness, the wholeness, draws in close - these parts of themselves that they give each other. To her they are utterly precious. Sweet, soft things. ]

( Deal. I'll be waiting. See you soon. )

Edited 2016-09-24 07:18 (UTC)

(You too. And... thank you. I'll find my way there soon.)

[Maybe he's too thankful. But having a flashback end like that instead of something terrifying, or difficult, is... well. It's a welcome change since he's been here.]

[ She's to be found in her room as promised, the robot lion's head set in her lap as she's leant over it. Its tail is flicking back and forth, it's clearly on and active but obediently still in her hold. The normally blue markings that are visible on her chest and wrapped around her left arm are bright white, flooded with a light from within that pours down into a sphere in her hand that she seems to be pushing into its wiring. Making the gold, reds and magentas of its metal plating come up bright. There's a liveliness to it. She's at peace with this - in her element where living outside now, gets the better of her. Becomes difficult and overwhelming when her skin crawls with the sheer pressure it exerts on her bones and muscles. ( Junkies itch that sits under her skin, she is a leftover broken doll in a tattered dress, but she has accepted it ).

But she's patient with her work, slow flex of her fingers where she's concentrating on re-writing its internal programming. Immersed enough that her response to his presence is delayed, tilting her head up first before she finally disengages to look at him, smiling widely. ]

Hey. Shiro, is it?

[ Feels like his mind where proximity to anyone in the hive makes her feel it. ]

[It's easy to slip down the halls. He doesn't have any skills in stealth, despite sneaking around Galra ships and whatnot. Keeping up the 'dressing in black' theme helps, though. It makes him feel less obtrusive. Makes him feel less like someone is going to slam into his brain. After so many times of getting old thoughts triggered by people who didn't mean anything by it, he's a bit gunshy. He feels like he owes the entire group an apology at this point for these things. For everything he can't control.]

[So his approach is a little slow. Taking his time. And, of course, despite the whole in each others' heads thing, he's going to knock.]

[Only to stare. And keep staring. Oh wow. Pidge needs to see this. Immediately. He's gaping a little bit, but it's an entirely pleased sort of gaping.]

I... yeah! Yeah, sorry, I... that's amazing.

[ Feels the afterwave of his interest as she looks up at him and ducks her head, and - shakes it briefly. In part also to hide her pleased smile at his words. Happy to provide the distraction. ]

Not yet, I didn't build him. Just working on him. [ Her fingers flick, no, she is not graceful often anymore ( the ground is so painful to her feet, her skin is heavy, her bones clatter inside herself ) but sunk into her abilities - it is there, the way she curls her hand around and obediently the Lion lifts its head to her, tilting up as she shuts the panel in its skull, until it's standing up and - she's very little it becomes apparent, that when she's sitting it stands over her head easily where it noses in close to her and she flicks it away from herself to where she orders it to.

Light in her eyes, light in her skin, and maybe she picked this one because its bright blue eyes too, as it pads it's way over to Shiro and butts it's head into his leg like it's looking for affection. ]

But thank you. Is he moving right?

He's still incredible.

[Not empty praise, either. It's utterly sincere. Maybe spending all that time with tech-minded people rubbed off on him. Or maybe seeing something even vaguely similar to The Lions is just that comforting.]

[He's an open book, mind-wise. He hasn't figured out, as much as he tries, desperately some days, how to block it all down. So there it is. Open, honest admiration, vague longing for something huge and dark and his even if maybe she's wrong maybe he's not right for this just the best they had it's still his--]

[He shakes his head and offers her up a smile, in time for the lion to headbutt him. Down to one knee he goes, offering up human and metal fingers for it, like someone would a big dog.]

From what I've seen? Yes. Very much so.

[ She mimics it off skags, closest thing she's seen to what the others had described to her as a lion being. Big, lazy predators. Near enough to what she knows.

The only different being, a skag would bite his fingers of right now. But she - concentrates, bites at the side of her lip with the effort and curls her fingers again to instruct it - and the lion presses forward, into his hand, nose brushing against it. ]

Really? Thanks. [ She gives a big happy smile, and - it distracts her, because when she fixes on him to do so - she feels it, the echoes of his mind that's just rolling out of him and she pauses, and so does the Lion. ]

I think I promised you some quiet, first, didn't I?

Have you ever seen a cat before?

[Better to ask than just assume. She looks human -- minus the blue tattoo-looking marks. But so did Allura and Coran, occasionally. You know, if you ignored the ears. For the sake of learning, he manages to attach an image of a housecat to the question. Just your standard black cat -- because of course it's a black cat -- prowling across a room.]

[He's still smiling, though, running his thumbs along its face, lost in the mechanics and familiarity.] They're a lot like cats. Except bigger.

[When it stops, he blinks, looking up.]

You don't have to, if it's a lot of trouble.

[ It's tempting, to take the image of his mind and produce it into an illusion, but for the sake of not startling him, she keeps it simple. ] I know of them, at least. [ Ah, bless you birthday cat. ]

[ To his concern though, she shakes her head. She thinks Cathaway would be glad she's helping other with what she'd been taught. Better her at least, than anyone else. She would always be discreet, never talk about anything she might see. Not like she could see much worse, anyway - ]

Not at all. I'm happy to. Now, or any other time you need. It comes very naturally to me. [ She gestures to draw him closer to her, or rather, for him to sit across from her. ]

Edited (erg... how do u type good...) 2016-09-27 06:40 (UTC)

Well, that makes my life easier. [It's said humorously. Teasing. But really he's not sure how to explain a 'cat' to someone who's never seen one. Even the Alteans had the Lions.]

[He pulls away from her lion at the request, still... moving a little cautiously, eventually sitting where she indicates. He's not used to asking things of people. Or accepting assistance. If only because he should be the Strong One. The one in control.]

[Allura had said as much.]

Are you sure? I... it's not that I don't appreciate it. I just don't want to intrude on anything.

It's a little strange. I've heard of earth? I think we all came from it a really long time ago but - well, six galaxies later, sometimes things get lost, I suppose.

[ She lets it linger, the lion padding to settle beside her. Perfectly posed beside her. All pride and grace to it. There - that looks right. Maybe she doesn't know how exactly a lion moves, but she knows how sure of themselves predators do.

She glances at him, shaking his head - it's sweet. His worry, his politeness. Reminds her of Aoba. It's nice, something she likes about the hive. There's definitely more in the way of polite people to talk to.

Scratch that, there's just more people to talk to, at all. ]

I promise, you won't ever be. You'll find out from hanging around me, I'm not great at lot of things, actually, especially practical things - [ what's eating? or drinking? or remembering to put on shoes before she goes outside? Aoba and Ilde are keeping her alive on her better days, she's pretty sure. ] - so I like helping people with what I am good at. Besides, we're all as good as each other. So by helping each other, we make the whole hive stronger.

[ Not to take pity, like he's some lost puppy, but that it's just about growing together, learning to be around each other to function as a whole, as a team. With it she offers her hands out in front of herself, propped up by elbows on her crossed legs. Leaning in as a friend, rather than as a teacher.

( same song, different verse, the words that come familiar, she replaces her vocabulary, for pandora is as easy as for the hive, the whisper she always gives people who come to her, you're strong, you're brave, you'll save us all, and she will be right there, always, never alone -

these days at least, she doesn't have to lie, she does believe in them all, and this is her afterlife, she's not going to do the same thing she used to )

An offer, she'll be here - ] So never worry, okay?

Must be really far. Humans aren't exactly known outside our solar system, far as I know.

[And he'd know by now. After all, they'd been the only human prisoners.]

[She continues, and his eyebrows arch. His concern is instinctual by this point. 'Practical things'? What does that mean? Maybe there's something he can do, in return for what she's offering him. So he spreads his hands, shoulders lifting.] Hey, practical usually tends to be my skillset. Maybe we can trade.

Unless you need a personal chef. Then you're going to have to look somewhere else.

[That's teasing. Joking. Sure, he learned his lesson with the microwave incident, but this counts as learning from it, right? Moving on and making light of it.]

[He pauses, absorbing it. Brain whirling through a dozen little thoughts before focusing on her words. It's easier when you have a point to home in on. Like the Black Lion. That had come easier than this.]

[If only it was here...]

I can't promise I won't worry, I think I'm just hard-wired that way anymore. But I can try.

[ She laughs, shakes her head - it's easy and comfortable. ] No, I'm still working on remembering to eat. So maybe I can get picky about food after that.

[ She sobers though, nodding - understanding. Always understanding. ]

It's hard, isn't it? When you're used to worrying over every little thing. Where I came from - all I did was watch, relay, I never... got to turn off. Sometimes, now, I know I should be asleep, or doing something else, but I can't help it. I just... worry. I wish I could say being here made it less but... [ she shakes her head, fretting, always. Over Petre, Aoba, the only ones of her brood left. Over Steve and Sam, the things that they never seemed to know, and how she worried their goodness would lead them into traps from... well, people like her, really. ] ... It just goes over and over again like a really annoying song. [ pulls something quiet in her, old ache. She frets, she always frets. Worse, when she couldn't look on Pandora. When Jack shut her off and she - was left blind, deaf and mute. ]

This will help with that too. [ She offers her hands out in front of herself, for him to take if he wanted. ] You'll need to let your mind be near my mind. But I promise, there shouldn't be anything too untoward. I'm not going to pry if you won't.

You forget to eat?

[Of course, that's only going to garner more concern. Like he said -- hard wired that way anymore. Sometimes, he wondered if that wasn't true of some of the crew. But the way she says it... it sounds different than just being too busy to remember.]

[She goes on, and it sounds more and more like he was right. This is something he has no experience with. Someone who doesn't forget because of a new project, or duty calling -- Pidge and Allura flashing tired faces in his mind -- this is totally different.]

[The concern is the same, though.] It's harder not to worry, when you're in everyone's heads.

[He tries for reassuring:] At least, I'm already used to not sleeping. [Slowly, his hand -- flesh and blood, not metal and tech -- reaches to one of hers. Lightly.]

I believe you. I won't pry -- not sure I even know how to. But, I... have to warn you.

I've... been getting memory flashes lately. Worse since I've been here. And I can't stop it, if that happens.

Kind of a long story - [ and she laughs it off, waving it away. It is what she is, she's accepted it. A small price to pay, and not the worst one she's had to deal with so far. ]

That's okay. [ As his hand settles in hers, she curls her fingers around and - sighs, softly. Calmly - she maps. Maps him, draws this part of him she is coming to know as they talk. Like it's a file and she is madly taking notes. She doesn't have to present those thoughts and notes anymore, no, but she finds herself still doing it. He, Shiro, he who worries, so he says, who has the slaughter rings in his mind. Doesn't seem to like that mouthful of blood like people she knows do. That likes the feel of rain, or at least of relief that comes with it. His hand is - solid in her own. Her thumb sweeps across the back of his hand, up over the bumps and valleys of knuckles. Easy to do, as ever, she is sensitive to touch in a way that tingles pleasantly to the closeness that contact brings to the mental link. She has no scars, no marring upon her body. Gentle, and she uses to know his hand in hers. ]

Are you ready?

Aren't they all?

[Aren't all their stories long? And complicated. Nothing is simple. As much as they wish it was.]

[He's not sure what this is going to entail. Or what she's doing, stroking his hand like that. It isn't unpleasant. And it's helping ease the nerves at trying to link himself into someone's mind. She doesn't seem like the kind of person to go purposefully rooting around, he trusts that. Occasionally flexing his fingers a little, a few small, old scars along his knuckles catching on her fingertips.]

Yeah. Ready as I'll ever be.

[ She nods, just the once and changes herself then - a authorative tone, but not forceful. Merely controlled, sure of what she's saying. Comfortable, no sudden movements to be skittish about. Knows, even as much now glories in her freedom, that when you're scared of the things you can't help, that someone just taking even a little bit of that responsibility...

... It's a relief, she remembers. ( Once upon a time, Jack hadn't been the worst father to exist. ) ]

Alright, I'll show you how to quiet everyone first. You'll just have to follow my lead, okay, I'll control it for the both of us the first time.

[ She lets him in, through the connection that's deeper for their holding hands. Skin to skin, and hopes its enough to settle him, like a door she opens to the lightness of her own mind the other side. Her mind is not a tumble - but it is full. A thousand things speak in it, beyond the hive, from the lion at her side, to the connection she absently keeps to network. Churning through her and out again, she's a river of information that churns. But: everyone and everything is managed and carefully arranged. Everything has a place, everything is kept neat. The only part that isn't is the thud of something she cannot control, the purple strange statues and lights under proverbial foot. Old and aching somewhere deep that she cannot quite keep out.

But still, even so, she does her best to keep it - to the walls, even as old statues seem to peer in from all sides. Watching, watching, watching, old, old, old. But this imposed order, for her, it's the difference between sanity and losing herself.

Lets him in, softly spoken, echoing oddly off the walls, the thought comes across. ]

( Okay so far? )

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