station72 | mental link; whichever day is today

[The mental voice is... hesitant. Like he's trying his best to modulate his tone, and not sure if he's speaking too loudly or too softly.]

(This has probably been a long time coming... but I have to admit. I'm not good with people in my head.) [A flicker of regret and flashing images quickly stifled.] (Or at controlling what goes through my mind. Someone here called them flashbacks. Guess that works out.)

(It's a long story.)

[So please don't ask, goes unsaid, but like a lot of things here, it's probably felt.]

(But it's been affecting others here, and for that, I'm sorry. I need to be better at this. So I'm asking for help...)

[So he doesn't accidentally overwhelm the wrong person with the wrong memory. Or panic right in front of someone.]

(And before anyone asks - the answer to 'are you okay' is ... not something I want to talk about right now. Sorry.)

[Wait, wait, crap. How does he close this. There's a flustered feeling before just... the mental image of a closed comm connection. He figures that's as good as anything.]

[For anyone who wants to talk in person, he's hauled himself back up onto the roof, bundled up into an oversized hoodie. Black, of course. Hands shoved into his pockets. Probably being all brooding-looking while inside, he's just wondering what it's like to pilot one of the vehicles he sees zooming around.]

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[What a picture they make. Matching poses and all. But if there's one person here he doesn't feel as guarded around, it's her. Something in him unwinds a fraction when he hears her.]

[Someone he trusts completely.]

Pidge. Hey.

[And the barest of smiles for her, before turning his head to look again, too.]

... To be honest with you, I'm glad you don't. What I remember isn't something I want to wish on anyone. [And that's part of the problem.] And... I know.

I'm grateful.

[I'm glad you're here echoes somewhere behind the words, held back. Unwilling to make it sound like he's glad she's stuck here, and unable to look for her family.]

[ She knows he wouldn't mean it like that. Besides, he's practically family. If he went missing back home, she'd be out there looking for him. He's... a presence that helps ground her. He reminds her that she's not as alone as she feels sometimes. ]

Sure.

[ She flashes a weak smile and then glances away again, trying to keep her shoulders down. She's only fourteen. How is she supposed to talk to him about whatever it is that happened to him out there? She doesn't really know and that bothers her, but she also knows that it's not her battle, ultimately. She can just offer to help. And as much as she'd like to know more, this isn't a good time to ask questions. ]

I just wish I could... actually help. You know?

You do.

[That, at least, is something he doesn't even have to think about. Not even a little. Her being here is more than he could ask for. Having someone at his back like he can count on her to be... He probably wouldn't have hung on like he has.]

[There probably would have been more cracked glass. More walls broken like Sendak's tube had been.]

I don't expect you, or anyone else, to just... solve this problem. I'd like to. But I don't expect it.

[His hand hesitates, but reaches out to rest lightly on her shoulder. It feels easier, somehow, to reassure her. Or try to. Like this is how things should be. Him, looking after someone else. So the confidence returns to his voice, for now.]

You called me a friend. And that helps, more than you know.

[ The weight of his hand on her shoulder is oddly reassuring and Katie finds herself oddly frustrated by the fact that he's somehow still doing more for her state of mind then she's doing for him (or at least that's what it feels like). She takes a deep breath to try and fight back the small simmer of resentment. ]

I know you don't expect it, but... if I don't at least try I'm going to feel like I'm letting you down. Like I'm letting myself down.

[He keeps his hand there until... there's something on the other end. Some feeling he wasn't expecting. And almost pulls back.]

You could never let me down, Pidge. [Almost stunned. Like he never considered that as an option. Ever.] Why would it make you feel that way?

[ Because she's a dumb teenager who still doesn't know how to deal with emotions sometimes. ]

I don't know - I just - you helped - you help pull everyone together. You've done so much to help me keep my head up and figure out what I was going to do and if I can't give back even a little bit of that, then... I just feel like I'm not trying hard enough when I can't help you with one of your problems.

[What even are emotions. How do they work.]

And if I said I don't see it that way at all? [Because it's not her responsibility to fix his problems. Or even try to put the pieces back together. He's honestly not sure anyone can.]

That... you're part of the reason I've even asked for help? You being here.

[ Emotions are dumb. ]

That - makes me feel a bit better. If it really helps.

[ Deep breath, Pidge. ]

I wouldn't want to be alone and I don't think you would want to be either.

[They're impossible, tbh.]

It does. I wouldn't lie to you about that.

[She'd know if he was, anyway. But for now... he looks at her for a long moment, before his weight shifts. A little closer.]

Congratulations. You read me like a book.

[ Closer is good. he's - well, she considers him family at this point. Even if she's only really known him well for a short time. There's something about saving the universe together that does that. ]

Well, I'm pretty good at reading, you know.

[ HAHA, it's dumb joke. ]

[It's a really dumb joke, but, you know what? That suits his sense of humor just fine. He actually laughs -- even though it's weak, it's a laugh.]

Yeah, I know.

... Thank you. For coming out here.

You'd do it for me.

[ That's the only explanation she needs, for herself and for him. ]

That's what teams do.

[Agreement. And gratitude. If she wasn't here, this would be a lot more difficult to bear.]

Yeah. That's what teams do.

[ Seems the appropriate thing to say. She breathes out in a long sigh, trying to will the tension out of her as she glances out over the cityscape again. This is going to be really complicated, isn't it? ]

... If there's anything you need or want to say, Pidge. I'll listen.

[Maybe it'll be easier to hear things from her instead of... other places. Or maybe his brain will listen to her where others would fail.]

[ Pidge takes a breath and then smiles. ]

I know. There's... nothing really. Not right now. I'm just worried about you. That's all.

I feel like I should apologize for that. I should be the one worrying what you're doing, not the other way around.

[His answering smile is a little weak. He's teasing, hardly serious.]

You know, leadership stuff.

We can both worry. That sounds fair.

Wow. Sounds like a deal to me.

Guess we have to shake on it.

Guess so.

[ She holds out her hand. ]

Deal?

[Poor Pidge is going to get her hand pumped like a water spigot.]

You got it.

mental link; whichever day is today

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