mental link; whichever day is today

[shiro2hero]

[The mental voice is... hesitant. Like he's trying his best to modulate his tone, and not sure if he's speaking too loudly or too softly.]

(This has probably been a long time coming... but I have to admit. I'm not good with people in my head.) [A flicker of regret and flashing images quickly stifled.] (Or at controlling what goes through my mind. Someone here called them flashbacks. Guess that works out.)

(It's a long story.)

[So please don't ask, goes unsaid, but like a lot of things here, it's probably felt.]

(But it's been affecting others here, and for that, I'm sorry. I need to be better at this. So I'm asking for help...)

[So he doesn't accidentally overwhelm the wrong person with the wrong memory. Or panic right in front of someone.]

(And before anyone asks - the answer to 'are you okay' is ... not something I want to talk about right now. Sorry.)

[Wait, wait, crap. How does he close this. There's a flustered feeling before just... the mental image of a closed comm connection. He figures that's as good as anything.]

[For anyone who wants to talk in person, he's hauled himself back up onto the roof, bundled up into an oversized hoodie. Black, of course. Hands shoved into his pockets. Probably being all brooding-looking while inside, he's just wondering what it's like to pilot one of the vehicles he sees zooming around.]

Comments

[sizeofyourbaggage]

( Hell yeah, man, that's how you do it. )

[ He doesn't say that he's proud of Shiro for asking for help, but the feeling curls around the edges of his words anyway. ]

( Told you I'd be here if you wanted, and I meant it. )

[shiro2hero]

[Oh god don't be proud of him that's embarrassing.]

(I didn't think you meant keeping other people safe from... whatever it is I happen to be seeing.)

[sizeofyourbaggage]

[ Too late he's already proud. ]

( Meant a lot of things, but yeah, that's one. And how to keep them from taking over, how to snap yourself out of them faster, how to learn to predict when they're coming and stop them before they start. I got a lot of tricks up my sleeve. )

[batmotif]

(Where are you right now?)

[-comes the sudden voice of Shiro's broodmate, lacking in decorum. He doesn't preface his question, nor does one get the feeling that he ever intended to. He supposes he could use the closeness of their link to uncover the answer himself; or he could just ask. He's prone to choosing the latter for now.]

[shiro2hero]

[There's a marked pause at the question. Confusion.]

(On the roof of the apartments. Why?)

[But even so, there's no reason to lie. Or hide it.]

[batmotif]

(I'm coming up there now.)

[The straightforward answer doesn't exactly reveal why, other than it's Bruce intent to meet the man face-to-face. When in reality, the simple truth is that Shiro is a broodmate, and his problems will one way or another become Bruce's via tightness of mental link alone. If this is going to be a problem, he would prefer to offer his aid as soon as possible, before anything becomes too much of a distraction or a hindrance for either party.

(All this to say that Bruce is indeed Very Concerned about his broodmates, even if he has a strange way of showing it.)]

[adamance]

( Have you determined what triggers these experiences? )

[Lexa knows exactly what leads to her own trouble, but she can't go ahead and assume that her experiences as someone else's.]

[shiro2hero]

(No, I haven't. Not completely. That's part of the problem.)

[He pauses a bit, before adding -- aware of how unhelpful his previous statement was.]

(I've... found out I'm missing almost an entire year of memories. Makes it hard to figure out where the problem areas are.)

[adamance]

[Curious. Lexa pauses, and it's clear that she's mulling it over, though what exact thoughts she has are concealed from him for the moment.]

( Do you find yourself more sensitive around your broodmates?

And would you like that year back? )

[It's possible that he would not. In truth, there are some things Lexa wishes she could never remember again.]

[vocalis]

[ This explains so much about the way their last chat ended. At the same time, it doesn't. Something is troubling Shiro, but he doesn't want to talk about it so openly. Aoba can respect that.

He might also be able to help.

Shiro doesn't want others in his mind, and he's not the only one. Aoba can respect that too. So when he mentally reaches for him, he hovers around the fringes of his mind, waiting to be invited in. He tries to make his presence known by his unique frequency, a humming beat of modern music. If Shiro ignores it, he'll turn the volume down and fade back out, no harsh feelings. He liked him right away when they first talked. If he help a nice person like Shiro, he wants to. ]

[shiro2hero]

[He appreciates this. The subtle poke. He's really got to learn how to do it. Make it easier on everyone.]

(Yes?)

[Of course he's answering. Hard to refuse a request like that one. Especially given the source -- a source he may feel a bit guilty about disconnecting so quickly from earlier.]

[vocalis]

[ Aoba doesn't hold it against him. At least, the warmth and openness his frequency hums with suggests he doesn't. ]

Hey. Is it okay if I say something? Um, in person.

[ If it's a yes, he just needs to know where Shiro is. Either way, he'll leave his headspace alone like he wants soon enough. ]

[cognitived]

[ Clint's voice comes softly, a knock at Shiro's mental wall, the lap of wave to shore. He could use the bond between them to find Shiro, but he's no stranger to the need for space. Especially when it comes to mind things, Clint's still not all that comfortable with it. ]

( Are you at the Bearings? )

[shiro2hero]

(Yeah. Roof, actually.)

[He pauses, as he has before, when telling people where he is.]

(Just looking at the view.) [It's nothing bad, in other words. He goes up there for the same reasons you do, brain-bro.]

[cognitived]

[ There's acknowledgement, tempered with a definite dose of understanding. Yeah, Clint gets the reason why Shiro's headed up to the roof in an attempt to clear his mind. It takes him a little while, but soon enough he opens the door and steps out to join. ]

Hey man. [ Easy, as he steps over and plops down next to his broodmate. It's a mirror of not too long ago, simply missing the busywork. Clint doesn't bring anything up just yet, simply lets the silence stay, lingering. His mind is open though -- well, as open as Clint gets -- and he's offering up a quiet steadiness, support, the wordless impression that he's here for whenever Shiro wants to say anything.

Down beneath them, the city turns. Plenty enough to busy himself with while waiting. ]

Poor Unfortunate Souls plays muffled in the background

[narcissithstic]

(I could remove them for you.)

how appropriate

[shiro2hero]

(... What do you mean by that?)

skips to the roof.

[deployed]

[ Rather than respond mentally, Bellamy dogears the page he'd paused on in his current poetry anthology and goes to find Shiro in person. Between Bellamy's novice attempts at control and the fractures in Shiro's mind, talking in person seems like a better option. It's hard to ignore the thrumming sense of connection between them, but Bellamy's had better luck not agitating it when the focus is on their physical presence and verbal communication. ]

It doesn't come easy, [ Bellamy tells him, skipping greetings entirely. It's not as if Shiro couldn't sense him coming. ] But you get the hang of it.

[ It's an empty comfort. It doesn't take the sting off what a momentary loss of control could reveal. Bellamy understands that. ]

Can I sit?

[shiro2hero]

[At least he isn't stiffening this time. Or pulling physically away from the sensation. It's progress, right? Some sort of slow, painful progress. He has to think of it that way.]

[So when he feels the approach, he glances toward the door with a nod, and a flicker of a rueful smile.]

So I keep hearing.

[Sorry if he sounds skeptical on the matter. It's been two or three times too many of letting something slip out. Of dragging people into places not even he really wants to be.]

[Who knew if it would be worse, if it happened again?]

Sure. If you want.

[greentech]

[ They're not broodmates, but she can still follow the thread of his thoughts (even if she feels a little put off by that fact) and Pidge shows up on the roof a little after him. She's quiet for a moment and then she sidles up alongside him, hands shoved in her pockets. ]

Hey, Shiro.

[ She announces her presence and goes quiet for a moment, following his gaze out over the cityscape. ]

if you just need someone to... talk to about stuff, I'm here. I don't think I really get what you had to go through, but you're not alone out here. OK?

[shiro2hero]

[What a picture they make. Matching poses and all. But if there's one person here he doesn't feel as guarded around, it's her. Something in him unwinds a fraction when he hears her.]

[Someone he trusts completely.]

Pidge. Hey.

[And the barest of smiles for her, before turning his head to look again, too.]

... To be honest with you, I'm glad you don't. What I remember isn't something I want to wish on anyone. [And that's part of the problem.] And... I know.

I'm grateful.

[I'm glad you're here echoes somewhere behind the words, held back. Unwilling to make it sound like he's glad she's stuck here, and unable to look for her family.]

[erbier]

[ She doesn't say 'I told you so'. ]

( Hello, again. )

[ She keeps it brief to give him a chance to decide if he wishes to speak to her about it again. ]

[shiro2hero]

[His crew is made of teenagers, he can see that 'I told you so'.]

(Hello...)

[It's more guarded than before. Partly because of how she'd ended their last chat.]

(... is there a lecture on the way, or am I reading this wrong?)

[inflori]

( Ugh. Exactly why did I need to hear any of this? )

[shiro2hero]

(Probably because if there's a way to filter who hears this, no one thought to mention it to me.)