station72 | mental link; whichever day is today

[The mental voice is... hesitant. Like he's trying his best to modulate his tone, and not sure if he's speaking too loudly or too softly.]

(This has probably been a long time coming... but I have to admit. I'm not good with people in my head.) [A flicker of regret and flashing images quickly stifled.] (Or at controlling what goes through my mind. Someone here called them flashbacks. Guess that works out.)

(It's a long story.)

[So please don't ask, goes unsaid, but like a lot of things here, it's probably felt.]

(But it's been affecting others here, and for that, I'm sorry. I need to be better at this. So I'm asking for help...)

[So he doesn't accidentally overwhelm the wrong person with the wrong memory. Or panic right in front of someone.]

(And before anyone asks - the answer to 'are you okay' is ... not something I want to talk about right now. Sorry.)

[Wait, wait, crap. How does he close this. There's a flustered feeling before just... the mental image of a closed comm connection. He figures that's as good as anything.]

[For anyone who wants to talk in person, he's hauled himself back up onto the roof, bundled up into an oversized hoodie. Black, of course. Hands shoved into his pockets. Probably being all brooding-looking while inside, he's just wondering what it's like to pilot one of the vehicles he sees zooming around.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(A year... most of a year...)

[He doesn't know what to say to that. It just sounds so -- it sounds so easy. Like he could just stop potentially hurting other people. And wouldn't that be great?]

[Wouldn't it be great to be in control of something again?]

(Specifically. How does it work.)

[He wouldn't have even considered this if Ren hadn't brought up other people being involved. Voluntarily losing memories... after everything that came back...]

[He has to at least hear this out. For everyone else's sake.]

[An entire year. Interesting - and manageable.]

(What do you know of the Force?)

(I know I've heard people here tossing it around like it needs a capital F.)

[And it sounds like something mystical. Life force? Like what Allura used on the Balmera?]

[What are 'capital Fs', Shiro??]

(It is an energy— a power— that permeates and binds the universe and every living thing in it together. To control it is to control air, life, muscle and sinew— to reach into the heart of fate itself and -take- what you want. What you need.

It's why I was chosen by Cathaway, and why I was valued for so long before that.)

[A figure of speech Ren, geez.]

(Something you came here with, then. Not something they gave you here...)

(Just 'take'? Whatever you want?)

[Lbr he's super bad at those.]

(Not without cost. Strength, willpower, an unwillingness to surrender and be led along the lines of fate. I was bound to the Force from the moment I was born, and I spent my life learning to control it.)

[There's a tinge of something painful lurking in those words; how much he sacrificed just to endure. To give his own suffering meaning.]

(You're part of the Nest, you no longer have the means to wall yourself off from those around you. If you're in pain, they're in pain - your brood more than anyone else. I speak from experience when I tell you it could kill them.

Consider your options.

Speak to me if you decide to take action; I'm never far.)

(I'd say I'm sorry, but. At least you can control it now. That's something.)

[Something to be a little envious of, under the praise. At least someone's trauma had meaning.]

[But then... the envy and vague praise evaporates under sudden fear and all but tangible anxiety. That's not what he wanted to hear. Sam didn't say anything about that. No one said anything about that.]

(What -- what are you talking about? Kill them? It's -- it can't be that bad.)

(What happens if they're compromised during a mission? If they break, attack someone on instinct?

—if -you- attack someone on instinct.

Ask Adara brood what become of Adam Parker. How easily someone uninvolved died for the actions of another host.)

[God he wants to protest. That he'd never do something like that. He doesn't have it in him to attack another person--]

[But there are suddenly images of metal hand impacting glass the cracks radiating out like ripples he didn't mean to do that and it hurts oh god it hurts so much what's going on it's glowing he doesn't want this what did they do and BLANK.]

[He wants to protest. But the Galra tech in place of his arm might have other ideas.]

(I don't... I couldn't...)

[His response is reflexive, quick. He's too used to suppressing Hux's buckling apprehension, to supporting Sam while he flounders beneath the pull of the Force and his own symbiote; just as it was too many times before, inaction isn't an option. Ren reaches out to grasp at Shiro with his own thoughts, a steadying hand at his shoulder— in his mind.]

(Breathe.)

[Think of nothing. Fear nothing. Breathe.]

[Orders are easier for his mind to handle in that state. Orders from what he knows is a human voice. It's instinct and those years in the Garrison and chain of command and --]

[Breathe.]

[That's the only order. That, he can do. It's not slow, not at first. Just ragged, short. For a little while. Focus on your orders, your objective. Focus is easier than it had been. Breathe and feel that phantom grounding hand on his shoulder. And eventually, it happens. Slow inhale-exhale. Steady.]

[So he can be led. Coaxed down from fear so potent that for a moment Ren wonders if he's not viewing some refracted echo of FN-2187's terror. Still, the sensation is different— smells different, tastes different— vibrant purple contrasting chrome and cream. The scorched bodies he'd left behind on Jakku.

Ren waits until he's certain Shiro is capable of standing on his own, until he's free of the burden of someone else's memories, and then he withdraws. Fully this time: all that he intended to say has been thoroughly said, and lingering any longer might attract too much attention (particularly from Pidge ~~cough cough~~).

If Shiro decides to listen to reason rather than the sentimental whispers of his friends, Kylo Ren will be waiting.]

mental link; whichever day is today

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