mental link; whichever day is today

[shiro2hero]

[The mental voice is... hesitant. Like he's trying his best to modulate his tone, and not sure if he's speaking too loudly or too softly.]

(This has probably been a long time coming... but I have to admit. I'm not good with people in my head.) [A flicker of regret and flashing images quickly stifled.] (Or at controlling what goes through my mind. Someone here called them flashbacks. Guess that works out.)

(It's a long story.)

[So please don't ask, goes unsaid, but like a lot of things here, it's probably felt.]

(But it's been affecting others here, and for that, I'm sorry. I need to be better at this. So I'm asking for help...)

[So he doesn't accidentally overwhelm the wrong person with the wrong memory. Or panic right in front of someone.]

(And before anyone asks - the answer to 'are you okay' is ... not something I want to talk about right now. Sorry.)

[Wait, wait, crap. How does he close this. There's a flustered feeling before just... the mental image of a closed comm connection. He figures that's as good as anything.]

[For anyone who wants to talk in person, he's hauled himself back up onto the roof, bundled up into an oversized hoodie. Black, of course. Hands shoved into his pockets. Probably being all brooding-looking while inside, he's just wondering what it's like to pilot one of the vehicles he sees zooming around.]

Comments

[deployed]

You didn't.

[ Reassuring, aware that maybe he's phrasing this wrong. Commiserating about something so personal doesn't come easily to him. Bellamy used to walling himself off and internalizing everything that troubles him rather than admit he's suffering. Even attempting to bare some of this to Shiro feels like a misstep, but he pushes onward. ]

Wake up, [ Bellamy's a little wry about that admission, shrugging a shoulder again. ] I read until I get too exhausted to sit up. Sometimes that helps.

[ Being too tired to dream, it's not the worst approach. ]

I figure some day it'll stop being so overwhelming. I just need to survive long enough.

[ Just be strong. That's how to handle this, right? ]

[shiro2hero]

[The reassurance earns a brief smile in return. Fleeting. But the subject moves on, and so does his expression. Into listening, into a lack of judgment. He's not one to pass it on anyone here. Especially not about a subject like this one.]

I've always tried sparring. Sometimes that works.

[No, it's not the worst. And it's the only one that actually helps sometimes.]

Sounds like we're in the same boat more than not.

[deployed]

[ Sparring. Bellamy's thoughts flicker towards Lincoln, then shift towards the nest, to Kylo and Bruce by turns. He shakes his head a little in acknowledgement. ]

You can ask me, you know, [ He offers, because why not, if Bellamy's awake? ] I wouldn't mind the practice.

[ And it's a productive way to wind down from a nightmare, at least. Bellamy's making progress with his hand to hand skills, but he' still doesn't measure up to so many people within the Nest. He's too prone to launching himself headfirst and trying to batter them into submission. That only works when he's squaring off with other humans, not robots or whatever else they're likely to run into. ]

[shiro2hero]

You're sure?

[He's a little surprised. He hadn't pictured Bellamy for someone who liked sparring. Let alone thought it was a good way to unwind. To refocus. The look on his face probably conveys that just as well as their link.]

[He wouldn't mind -- but --]

... I wouldn't mind. But it's more you I'm worried about.

[As he holds his metal hand forward, in explanation.] It doesn't always work how I want it to.