[backdated to day 44: mental link]

[adamance]

[Withholding information had not been Lexa's goal, but she had wanted to thoroughly research what she could before she brought it to the rest of the Nest. For that reason, Lexa has been busy, but has been careful not to reveal what she has in hand until she's ready. Even as she prepares to speak to the Nest, she's not completely prepared, and there's a sense of agitation over this.

By now, she already knows the results of them following Ven, but they haven't yet received the information they require. Why they didn't take the opportunity is bothersome in and of itself, but there is little that she can change about that. It's about moving forward, and it's not as if she has the fullest degree of faith in the Nest. Nothing changes that.]

( Today, I'd like to speak to you all about the results of our meeting with Mind Life. The conversations we had prior to this meeting with the hacker group that privately contacted us may have been accurate on this front. ) [She deliberates revealing what she told them about their goals, but decides against it: Mind Life's desperation to remain stagnant and inactive is worrisome, to say the least.] ( They have their hearts in the right place, but not their minds. I'd say it's ironic given the name of their organization, but not surprising. They prefer passive communication over action. Their idealism may be worthwhile, but they have little help to offer because they refuse to make a show of any aggression.

As a result, our only boon from them is a list of people who they deem trustworthy. Or untrustworthy. Unsurprisingly, Saffit is on the list of unsavory individuals. She doubts that even the untrustworthy men could be behind the bombings, but we may come to see her perspective as one of denial given her unwillingness to act.

I've done the beginning search into many of the other individuals named, but I cannot be as thorough as any of our technical people. Trust that I will not be handing over this list lightly, and that the contents of it will not be available to everyone in the Nest. I would rather prevent any reactionary behavior as a result of what Sheena Frey chose to write down. ) [If anything, she refuses to share everything on the list with the Nest. She may give names, or an idea of whether or not someone is on the list, but she doesn't want any of the Hosts to set out on a crusade.

Especially when she can barely trust Sheena's judgment.]

Comments

[adamance]

( I've publicly reprimanded people for less. )

[There is that line there, and if Ren were one of her people, he would be dead. Brutally so. Ilde, too. It would be what her people would expect of her.]

[decommission]

[ Somewhere his brow is furrowing. ]

( You could've come to me or Sam if he was causing problems. )

[ He'd told her they'd deal with Ren if he started stepping out of line with people. ]

[adamance]

( I crossed a line by stating a theory he was not yet ready to hear. ) [There's some distance to her tone, and the sense that she's not saying all that there was.] ( I fight my own battles, Steve. If it's a situation with more time, I will ask for your assistance. But that was a battle of my own, and I saw more of how he views himself within this Nest. I've seen the same with others. ) [It's not being attacked that bothers her. It's the whole summary of the situation, from top down.]

[decommission]

[ His reply comes slow. ] ( There really are getting to be a lot of us, huh? ) [ A flicker of memory slips through, the crushing pressure of two minds working against his own, a vice that encompasses the entire landscape. The sensation is gone in an instant, banished. ]

( What theory? )

[adamance]

( That Cathaway is not to be trusted despite his apparent worship of her.

And what it means for his grief. )

[But in a way, she knew that Kylo Ren would take that badly. It's just that he acted as she expected that confirmed a suspicion, and told her where his loyalties lied. He is weak, dependent, and eager to cling to power as far as she's concerned.

Even if his definition of that power doesn't seem to fit with anyone else's.]

[decommission]

( Yeah - I can imagine how he might not like hearing that. ) [ slight confusion ] ( What made you go poking there? )

[adamance]

( His words. He has said that she is everything to him, and acts as if our goals here are only the means to an end to gain her favor. He believes himself above Prince in her eyes, a belief that will prove catastrophic regardless of their intentions.

It had been my goal to cut through that, but it only served to make him stand his ground. He believes that she owns us, that we are not ourselves other than what we are under her lead.

These are the dangerous thoughts that I fear for how he might act, especially when there are others around him who might encourage him. )

[Lexa is not self-aware enough to call out her mistakes here, to say that she shouldn't push people into a corner just to see how they might react once they're there. It's how she responds to people regularly to see how they might react, even if it's hurtful ... manipulative, as Hux himself said.

But even so, there is the sense that she truly does believe that Kylo Ren's tendency to devote himself to a different vision of reality will cost them greatly. Especially when those beliefs are held by someone so powerful.]

[decommission]

[decommission]

[ The explanation doesn't necessarily surprise him so much as it disturbs him. They've spoken before of Ren's devotion to Catheway, but hearing the rest... ]

( We can keep an eye on him down here, make sure he's not getting more encouragement. He's not - he doesn't plan these things ahead. It's always been in the spur of the moment that he's gone off the deep end. )

[ Which is part of why Steve's less worried about Ren having the list than he is about keeping him in the dark. Plus, it's like Lexa said. You tell him one thing he disagrees with and the guy pushes back. ]

( But now you've got me worried about what's gonna happen once we're back on the Station. )

[ Ren's going to be in for a rude awakening if he goes as far as to attempt to usurp the Prince's place in Catheway's world. ]

[adamance]

( I fear many outcomes. That he may act on her behalf without her asking. Many of us are suspicious of our roles as Hosts. It hasn't been difficult for me to find who does and doesn't align strongly with the Nest, ready to give themselves to it. )

[This sounds underhanded, but Lexa did want to make sure that she wasn't alone before she began to pursue her suspicions. Besides, Steve knows of her beliefs. She can sense when he doesn't approve of them, but that hasn't rendered their relationship null and void.]

( Should something spark anger within himself with regards to his relationship to her, he may try to make it so that he is the only Host who remains within her purview. I don't believe that to be beyond him, especially after what we have learned of General Hux's actions back in his world. ) [Even if they didn't act together, Lexa knows without a doubt that Ren and Hux are allied. It's one of the underlying reasons for why she had try to pry out "personal reasons" for Hux's verbal assault on her.]

( That said, even if I failed in my initial attempt, I do hope that I planted a seed of doubt within his mind that may make him feel less powerful. I do believe it's that this supposed bond that leads him to feeling invincible among us. He is more dependent upon validation than his arrogance initially lets on. ) [But the bad part is that he believes he has that validation even when he doesn't. She refuses to believe in the truth of his vision of his relationship with Cathaway. She understands that there's much that she doesn't know, but they had only been mere days into their time as Hosts when he declared his devotion to her. That she was everything to him.]