station72 | [backdated to day 44: mental link]

[Withholding information had not been Lexa's goal, but she had wanted to thoroughly research what she could before she brought it to the rest of the Nest. For that reason, Lexa has been busy, but has been careful not to reveal what she has in hand until she's ready. Even as she prepares to speak to the Nest, she's not completely prepared, and there's a sense of agitation over this.

By now, she already knows the results of them following Ven, but they haven't yet received the information they require. Why they didn't take the opportunity is bothersome in and of itself, but there is little that she can change about that. It's about moving forward, and it's not as if she has the fullest degree of faith in the Nest. Nothing changes that.]

( Today, I'd like to speak to you all about the results of our meeting with Mind Life. The conversations we had prior to this meeting with the hacker group that privately contacted us may have been accurate on this front. ) [She deliberates revealing what she told them about their goals, but decides against it: Mind Life's desperation to remain stagnant and inactive is worrisome, to say the least.] ( They have their hearts in the right place, but not their minds. I'd say it's ironic given the name of their organization, but not surprising. They prefer passive communication over action. Their idealism may be worthwhile, but they have little help to offer because they refuse to make a show of any aggression.

As a result, our only boon from them is a list of people who they deem trustworthy. Or untrustworthy. Unsurprisingly, Saffit is on the list of unsavory individuals. She doubts that even the untrustworthy men could be behind the bombings, but we may come to see her perspective as one of denial given her unwillingness to act.

I've done the beginning search into many of the other individuals named, but I cannot be as thorough as any of our technical people. Trust that I will not be handing over this list lightly, and that the contents of it will not be available to everyone in the Nest. I would rather prevent any reactionary behavior as a result of what Sheena Frey chose to write down. ) [If anything, she refuses to share everything on the list with the Nest. She may give names, or an idea of whether or not someone is on the list, but she doesn't want any of the Hosts to set out on a crusade.

Especially when she can barely trust Sheena's judgment.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Lexa notes that he is very good at making her plans sound way more amicable than they do when they come from her mouth. That will be an important trait in the future to consider.]

( Allow things to proceed as they are. If anything gives me reason to change my mind, then I'll act accordingly. )

( Fair enough, you're not gonna find any protests from me. People here - they don't know you. They don't got a reason to assume that the decisions you make are going to be what they think is right, or that your judgement is sound. But you're the one with the information and valid concerns about it, stands to reason anyone who wants it should be ready to be questioned on what they'll do with it.

Did you get anyone to help you research them? )

( My own broodmate leads the charge. This is not a matter of knowledge. I believe there are other factors in play, ones that I haven't yet discerned. )

[She accused Hux of acting according to his guilt. In truth, she doesn't think that's what it is, but she had been trying to pry out his true reasoning.

To no avail.]

( But for those of you who don't know me—you are, oddly enough, being the most reasonable.

As for the research, I'm requesting Sam Ander's assistance. But it may prove difficult in keeping the information from the very unpredictable presences that I had singled out in the first place. ) [What if half of Castor was as likable as the other half of Castor?]

( I don't know if I trust you, and I'm not interested in following orders from someone I don't know, but I get your reasoning and I don't blame you for it. I'm not looking to try to push you into doing something different. )

[ He thinks about asking more about the unpredictable presences she's hoping to avoid - but really, he doesn't have to. He can guess who she might be talking about. And his attention is back on what she'd said first, about it being her own broodmate leading the charge against her. There's no accusation in his next question, just an honest curiosity. ]

( Do you think your broodmates know you as well as those back home? )

( My broodmates and I aren't particularly close. What level of sharing we've had has proved to go poorly for us. )

[Which is less the matter of Lexa and more the matter of the others being less accepting in her eyes.

Sans Nate. Who she still views as oddly naive for the situation he comes from.]

[ He doesn't know much about Lexa's brood, not the way he knows Gacrux or is learning about Castor and Adara, but he files that away. ]

( People aren't meant to share on this level without losing some of themselves. It makes things complicated. )

( Few of us were prepared for what we walked into in addition. Many are not prepared for war, and fail to see it that way. I wonder how many of us would choose our lives and everything that comes with it over death. )

[Though it isn't a war like people typically see war, there are two sides, and they are outnumbered.]

( Hell, I wasn't prepared for what I walked into. But I'd still make the same choice. )

[ Then again, rolling with shit he isn't completely prepared has basically been the story of his life, for better or worse. ]

( You're right about that, though. Lot of people don't recognize a war unless there's a lot of soldiers fighting each other on a very overt level. This kind of thing, comes with being in the dark a lot and never sure what agenda is actually being pushed. )

( It may even be that the war isn't between the same two sides that we're aware of right now. We have ourselves and the Enemy that attacked us, and then what exists here. But for a war that has gone on as long as the older Hosts have described, they seem to have very little information. )

[There's some comfort in moving away from the discussion of her folly to what they're experiencing overall.]

( But that may speak to the inexperience of our priors. )

( Not a lot of information, and not a lot of evidence for what the Enemy was doing here. )

[ Or that it was here at all, other than what the older Hosts have told them, but that isn't the kind of thinking that Sam wants to broadcast to the Nest at large. That he's even going into it this much is only because he agrees with everything Lexa's observing about their situation. ]

( Of course, they begin to lose much of themselves, like the earlier memories mean almost nothing. It's something to think about. )

[Spewing out conspiracy theories isn't really her goal here: she genuinely thinks there's a catch in this, some vacuum of information that hasn't yet revealed itself to her. It's a Problem, at least in her book.

For that reason, she's determined to figure out who is and isn't mindlessly dedicated to the Nest. Part of her conflict above? Well, it began by trying to test someone's ties to the Nest. She got her answers, but came out with an embittered grudge at the end of it all.]

( Yeah, yeah it is. )

[ It sure as hell is something that Sam's thinking about. And it's... good, to know that others are as well. This isn't exactly where he'd been planning on going when he first started talking to her, but he's glad he did. Even if he's not quite ready to go into it any deeper, not without thinking about it first. ]

( Good luck, looking into the list. I'm more of a soldier than a spy, but if you need someone who knows more than one kind of war around for the follow up, I'll be here. )

[backdated to day 44: mental link]

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