station72 | [ closed; around day 43ish ]

[ With as much time as Sam spends on the roof, he’s fallen back on old habits and started keeping an eye out for the birds that live in the city. They’re not the same kind as the ones they’d get back home, but Sam’d gone to the aviary in the menagerie with Giorno and on his own enough times to start familiarizing himself with the birds here. To know which are considered vermin and adapted well to city life, which ones are struggling to carve out a place for themselves in a city, and what kind of food will attract what kind of bird. He’s got bird feeders set up in out of the way places on the roof, but… he hasn’t been visiting them as often lately.

Not since Bucky fell into into a coma, and the abrupt absence of his mind from their brood link left him with an uneasy empty feeling. It unsettles Sam that he’d gotten so used to Bucky being there, but not as much as it worries him how this is gonna affect Bucky when he wakes up, especially the longer he stays out of it. Sam tells himself that he doesn’t want to think about it, and tries not to let himself think about it - and yet he’s there in Bucky’s room more than he really planned on. Often enough to know that Steve spends a hell of a lot of time there, too, and often enough to decide they could both use something to get their minds off it.

So he hangs out in the kitchen, poking around in the pantry and the fridge, and when he spots Steve passing through, he waves him down. ]

Hey, Steve. Can I steal you for a little bit? Nothing urgent, just something I wanted to show you.

[ Bucky has it right, the floor's never so bad. Steve's returned some of the cushions though, he doesn't need as many to stretch out on comfortably. He's been settling in Bucky's room every night. There's no guarantee that his friend'll wake up during those hours, and Steve can't coop himself up there all day without going crazy, but he's hoping to get lucky.

( there's no guarantee what Bucky'll remember when he wakes up, and Steve would rather that he didn't wake up alone )

He takes some comfort in the fact that the empty space where Bucky's mental keep out signs reside isn't so empty as Jessica's was before she was shipped back to the Station permanently. That's another reason he's been hovering. He doesn't want to think Carata or Nirad would just up and take Bucky away while he wasn't around, but the worry lingers in the back of his mind, along with the image of Bucky stored away in one of those pods (coffins).

The point is, it's not hard to find Steve around the Bearings since he's not being a complete hermit. The next time he walks by the kitchen it's with a small sketchbook under his arm. He pauses when Sam calls out, head cocking to one side. ]

Yeah - sure. What is it?

[ That's another reason why Sam's been hanging around Bucky's room so much, why he keeps prodding gently at the place in his mind where Bucky should be, like a loose tooth. He'd promised that he'd be there when Bucky needed, when he wanted, and he doesn't want Bucky to wake up alone and disoriented.

Same reason he'd waited by Steve's bedside at the hospital, way back when they first met - or similar, anyway, he hadn't wanted Steve to wake up alone and unsure of how much time had passed, either - but that's beside the point. Between the two of them looking out for Bucky, Sam's confident at least one of them will be there when he comes back.

But for now, he just wants a distraction. So when Steve agrees, his smile widens as he scoops up a bag of dried fruit and another of seeds, starting for the elevator. ]

It's up on the roof, come on. Perfect timing, man, this is the best part of the day.

[ He eyes the seeds and dried fruit, gaze lifting again to meet Sam's, the answer to the question starting to click into place. ]

You got friends up there? [ He walks behind Sam, stopping at the elevator. When he was very young an old man had tended to a flock of pigeons on the roof of their first tenement. Trained them to fly in circles around the building, much to the annoyance of the other residents and pedestrians. ]

[ There's a low chuckle as Sam steps into the elevator, thumbing the button for the roof. ]

Yeah, guess I kind of gave away the surprise part, huh? I got a couple bird feeders set up, but some of them have figured out that when I'm up there, they get the good stuff. [ Maybe because Sam's up there kind of a lot, clearing his head, and birds in the city tend to know when to take advantage of a human with food, but still. ]

Smart friends. [ He shoves his hands into his pockets, leaning against the elevator wall. A wry look. ]

They figure you for one of them? [ The birds, because, you know - wings and things. ]

[ There's a hum of agreement, because Sam isn't going to be the one to speak against the intelligence of birds. He shoots Steve a look back, eyebrow raised and smirk amused. Bird jokes, he can roll with those. ]

Hell yeah. They know one of the flock when they see it; they just keep hassling me for not coming up to fly with them.

[ Despite the somewhat confusing mess that became of his own conversation with Aoba after Nirad had updated them on the night’s outcome, Sam hadn’t missed the even worse outcome of Shiro’s. Would’ve been hard to, with that much rage spilling out, and with the fact that Shiro’s mind is a familiar presence in his own since they started practicing coping skills together. He hadn’t gotten involved when it was happening, but there’s no way he isn’t going to go check on Shiro later. It’s not long before he heads to his room, lowering his shields enough to try to feel him out.

Shiro’s down for the count, still, so it’s Bellamy’s mind that he brushes against when he arrives, silently checking in as he raps on the door before pushing it open. ]

[If only he'd practiced more. Been better at it faster. But he's not. He wasn't. And, as a result, so many people got dragged into it. He'd regret that, as soon as he wakes up. But right now, there's just silence.]

[Just stillness. Not even dreams. He's completely exhausted. Curled on his side, a little bruised from the exertions, but visibly? Not worse for wear. Except for dark circles under his eyes.]

[Even in his mind, there's only a quiet darkness. Like a night sky clouded over, and far from civilization. Occasional stars wink into existence, remaining there as he edges closer to waking up.]

[ It was inevitable that someone came to check on them. Bellamy isn't asleep, but he's stretched out beside Shiro anyway. He needs to stay close. Most of the time, he can curb the bonds drawing the brood together, but not after what's happened. Bellamy's angled in, a hand resting against Shiro's chest, knuckles against his heart. It's reassuring in the wake of the vicious anger he'd felt radiating from Shiro before he'd dropped like a stone. He shifts, twisting slowly to look at the door before reaching back with his mind. ]

( You can come in, but quietly. )

[ Once Bellamy had satisfied himself that Shiro hadn't died and managed to shift Shiro off of him, leaving him to sleep had felt like the only thing to be done. ]

[ Mental communicating only, Sam assumes, as he silently closes the door behind him and steps further into the room. There's a rush of relief when he sees Shiro sleeping more or less peacefully, and Bellamy stretched out protectively beside him. He'd been worried, shit he'd been worried, and he hadn't quite realized how much until now. It means he moves in closer than he really meant to, and he brings himself up short when he catches it.

There's a hint of tension in his body that makes it clear he's holding himself back from getting even closer, to physically reassure himself that nothing too terrible happened, but he resists, for the moment. ]

( Either of you hurt? )

[Honestly, Sam could have slammed the door and stomped in with combat boots and literal jingle bells on, and Shiro wouldn't have so much as twitched. He doesn't.]

[He doesn't so much as bat an eye.]

[They're good to talk for a while yet. There's no sign of him waking just yet.]

( Nothing's broken, ) [ Bellamy replies, grateful that Sam's caught on. He's watching Sam's approach, but he doesn't move to get up. ] ( I'll have bruises, but he doesn't need to know about it. )

[ Comparatively, bruises aren't even worth commenting on. Bellamy barely copped to knife wounds on Earth. He's not going to complain of a few black and blue marks. ]

( He just collapsed. But he's breathing. I can feel his thoughts, and they're calm so far. )

[ And Bellamy's afraid to risk disturbing that. He knows how rare it is for Shiro to sleep without something nasty clawing it's way out of his mind. Bellamy's felt that ripple through the nest. ]

[ Sam relaxes a little at that, part because he's relieved to hear neither of them are seriously hurt and that Shiro's actually getting some sleep, and part because he'd caught himself standing at parade rest trying to hold himself back. He unclasps his hands from behind his back, rolling his shoulders out before perching on the edge of the bed, on the other side of Shiro. ]

( I felt it when he just shut down. ) [ Different than Bucky, because Shiro isn't a broodmate and it's obvious this is more of a sleep than a coma, however deep. But that doesn't mean it hadn't freaked Sam out. ]

( Let me heal the bruises, at least? Please. ) [ He needs to do something, and coming up with a plan will have to wait until Shiro's awake. ]

[Breathing slowly. Easily. Though that starts to change as they talk -- increasing at an even pace. No nightmare. Not now. Like his brain is too tired to pull up the awful memories -- leaving just the vague mental images of stars flickering into view, like a night's fog being burned away.]

[Slowly pulling himself out of sleep.]

[Still not awake enough to realize other people are nearby. But approaching it gradually -- for once in his recent life.]

( You know I've lived with worse than a couple bruises, right? )

[ He's going to be sore tomorrow, but knowing his injuries would just reappear on Sam's body still makes Bellamy uneasy. His own comfort at the cost of Sam's isn't a balm. He shakes his head, but his attention is drawn back to Shiro as he feels the shift in his thoughts. Bellamy's knuckles rub lightly over Shiro's breastbone as the bond between them hums in wordless comfort; Bellamy offers up his own remembered stars, constellations viewed behind thick glass, framed by dull metal walls. ]

( I felt it too. But before...he'd never been like that before. )

[ And presumably Shiro wasn't going to be feeling too great when he did wake up. Bellamy almost wants to stall him, and give him some time before he has to wake and deal with it. ]

( That's very reassuring, thank you. It definitely doesn't- )

[ Sam'd had more to say there, about how knowing that he's been hurt worse in the past kind of makes Sam want to heal him even more, or that just because he can live with it doesn't mean he should, but his attention is pulled by Shiro stirring as well. He reaches out across their mental link to give a quiet shhh, a soothing sense like the stroke of a hand over his forehead, fingers through his hair. He'd have done it physically, rather than mentally, but Bellamy's right there - and he forgets about the strength of brood connections, for the moment. ]

( You can go back to sleep, Brave Heart, it's okay. You're safe, we're all safe. ) [ If it was someone else, Sam might have just left it at you're safe, but he knows Shiro well enough to know just how much he values those he cares about above himself. Then he looks back over at Bellamy. ] ( He hasn't, not that I've seen. It felt... different. )

[There's contact. More than he's used to having -- more than he's had in... years? It's strange. Not bad, not upsetting, but strange. Who would do that? Who would be the one to touch him like that? Someone ... one of the team? Or -- ]

[There are faces suddenly flitting through the images of stars, his own alien skies and the ones Bellamy has supplied. Pale hair around delicately marked features, cheeks touched with pink. And then another with bone-white skin and terrified eyes -- it could be Pidge, if not for the haircut being ragged and unkempt. The only ones he can imagine would be the ones to try and reassure.]

[And no, if he sleeps, he'll miss them. For all the urging to rest, he's still struggling to climb up out of his impromptu hibernation.]

( It's the symbiote. It's what happens after, for him. ) [ Blowback, Bellamy thinks ruefully. ] ( I can't decide if it's better or worse than— )

[ Bellamy's thoughts break, fracture as Shiro's thoughts take a turn away from peaceful, star-scattered skies.

The danger with linking this closely to broodmates is that the divisions between himself and them begin to blur. The faces that pop up in Shiro's mind are, for a disorienting moment, people Bellamy feels he should be able to put a name to and can't, but attaches distress to regardless. His hand turns to press a palm to Shiro's heart, as if to stifle the spike in emotion there. ]

( Don't. ) [ As if that urging ever had effect. ] ( It's not real. )

[ Not real in this moment, here and now. Those people aren't here. Bellamy looks over Shiro's bulk to find Sam, eyes widening in silent plea for help and for an explanation, perhaps. It's hard to split his thoughts, but Bellamy's expressive enough to get his message across. ]

[ The symbiote. Seems like so many of their abilities come with a price, and Sam's honestly got no idea if it's just because not many of them have the hang of how they work yet, or if it's just always gonna be like that.

He'd speculate a little, because he likes Bellamy enough to be okay with being a little more open with his opinions on the symbiote than he might with the Nest in general, but unsurprisingly, Shiro isn't listening to the attempts to get him to go back to sleep.

Sam responds to Bellamy's plea by pulling in a deep breath and exhaling nice and slow, calm seeping out through their mental link in a way he knows he's done with both of them before. This next bit, not so much - but he opens up his connection with them a little more anyway. Allows the faces that circle Shiro's mind flit by, letting them go instead of getting caught by them as he adds his own images of the night sky in among theirs, looking up at the stars from above the cloud layer.

He gives in, leaning over a little to stroke his fingers through Shiro's hair - it's not like he hasn't done it before - and rests his other hand next to Bellamy's. This time, the brush against Shiro's mind is tinged with the faintest hint of apology, that they're not the ones Shiro's looking for to be there. ]

( You're at the Bearings, in Concordia. It's Bellamy and Sam, we got you. )

[So much contact. So many points of it. They're distant. They're real and present, but also far enough away. Not cloying or holding him down like other hands, like the ones from...]

[There's a sense of something passing over. Like a shadow. Like the fading tatters of a dream. Or, in his case, a nightmare. Something wanting to take root and slipping away instead. It's not real -- we got you. And it's gone. Fleeting images of clawed hands slipping away like water.]

[There's just... stars.]

[Stars and slowly spinning galaxies in distinct colors. The worry passes, the nightmare dissolves, and he's back to where he was moments ago. Dragged down by lingering exhaustion and the reassurance around him.]

[For once.]

[ There's something wrong in Shiro's head. It's reminds Bellamy of a fractured bone, healed over poorly. All the pain of it is still there, and it's beyond any of them to ease. Or it will be, so long as Shiro keeps everyone so strongly locked out. Bellamy thinks Angel could help with it, but he's loathe to nudge Shiro towards the kind of vulnerability necessary for such an attempt.

When Shiro quiets, he look up at Sam. His expression is faintly despairing. This isn't like Octavia with a nightmare. Bellamy can't soothe this away with a story or the old, deeply ingrained Blake proverb. ( Fear is a demon. ) It's deeper than that. And he knows by now that Shiro won't sleep like this again without help. ]

( Lexa told me when we get back to the station it'll be easier to work with the symbiotes. Getting a handle on it will help keep this from happening to him again. )

[ Not that Bellamy really knows what training symbiote powers entailed, but it's worth a shot. And it feels like invasive than someone poking around in Shiro's head. ]

[ There's a quiet surge of respect when the nightmare retreats. Sam pulls back a little from Shiro's mind, a final stroke through his hair as he untangles his fingers and leaving a faint sense of so damn proud of you. Shiro let it go, he stopped it from taking hold - and sure, he did it with support, but that's the point. He adds it to the list of what he needs to talk to Shiro about when he wakes up.

He looks back up at Bellamy, brows furrowing a little. ]

( Easier'd be pretty damn awesome; there's a reason I keep bugging people to let me heal them, you know? ) [ Aside from actually wanting to help, anyway. ] ( The symbiote makes things complicated, but. )

[ And here he hesitates. He knows Shiro's shields aren't that great, though they've been getting better, but broodmate or not, he doesn't know how much of Shiro's issues that Bellamy knows. It doesn't feel right talking about them while Shiro's asleep.

But the way Bellamy's looking at him with quiet despair is pretty much impossible to ignore. ]

( Back home, I was a soldier with a fucked up brain. ) [ Simplifying things, yeah, but it's still the truth. ] ( I learned how to make it less fucked up, and how to use it to help people do the same. Problem is, it's real damn hard to get anyone to accept help. )

["Something wrong" is an incredibly apt description. He'd even agree with it, were it something said aloud. He's just... never known how to fix it. Or even if there was a chance to. Just something to live with and carry on with. Because saving the universe was more important. Being a team and functioning together was more important than sorting out his head.]

[He's working on the shielding. Trying to pull them together out of desperation and determination. It's so much easier to let people in. That, he's practiced. Making connections, maintaining connections. Closing them down, not so much.]

[They've probably got a little while longer just to talk before the forced unconsciousness wears thin. But for now, there's no lost faces, no shadows. Only stars.]

[If he could dream like this every night, life would be a lot easier. Fucked-up, injury-scarred brain or no.]

[ closed; around day 43ish ]

birds for Steve

A MILLION YEARS LATER

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checking on Bellamy and Shiro

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