Day 10ish

[shiro2hero]

(It's high time I did this.)

[Oh no, someone is gearing up for one of Those Speeches. Because one of their new arrivals ticked off a box in his head, and Sam's asking for training helped.]

[And he's tired of walking on eggshells.]

(I don't know how many of you were there when I found out what my Symbiote does. I sort of wish I hadn't. But. I can't change that.)

[Yeah apparently it made him the Space Hulk. And it took at least two people to keep him from ripping someone's face off.]

(What I can do is control it. I just need to know where to start.)

(So I'm taking a lead from Sam Wilson. Asking if anyone is willing to help. I... don't think I can promise no one will get hurt, but if we're careful, maybe it'll just be me.)

[And he can live with that.]

Comments

[vocalis]

[ There are a lot of voices right now, and through all the nerves it's hard to focus on Shiro's, even as calm as it is. That calm is met with resentment. How can he be so calm? How could he hide something like this from him, something that's-

No. Admitting that is admitting what he's saying is true. The panicked mantra of no, no, no returns to beat against the inside of Aoba's head. It's quickly turning into a headache. ]

No... you're lying. It's not real... it can't be real.

I just told you how I felt... that sometimes I don't feel like myself, and I-... I shared that with you, and you... knew why? And you didn't tell me?! For this long?!

[ He's scared out of his mind, betrayed, and above all else, he's angry. His temper has always been bad, and like Ren used to, he tries to remind himself of that. It's a fleeting reminder - the anger feels perfectly justified. His connection grows hot like a wire, the pain in his head intensifying with it. ]

[shiro2hero]

(Aoba, I was going to. I thought that's where the conversation was headed. Because you can't just drop something like this on someone.)

[Clearly. If any of this is any indication.]

[But, really, he's not going to tell him not to be angry. He's not going to make excuses. He's going to be as honest here as he ever is. He really had thought they'd get here. Once the conversation started getting more in that direction.]

(I don't blame you for being angry. You have every right to be. Me angry with me if you've got to. I screwed up.)

(... and I also don't intend to change my mind, like I said before. You're going to be okay.)

[He tries to put all the sincerity possible into those words. Because he still believes it. He still wants to try. Maybe not now, while the poor guy is understandably so shaken. But in general.]

[vocalis]

Well Pidge just did! When were you going to tell me?!

[ A flare as he states the obvious. So much for not dropping this on him. ]

I'm angry with you and Sam, and whoever else knew and didn't think to tell me the truth.

[ Because Sam is one of the voices in his head now, but at least he had the decency to try and narrow his line of connection down to just the two of them. From his line to Shiro, betrayal pours over the edge of his mind, with anger, fear, and doubt pooling just behind, threatening to overflow next. ]

Every time you say that you've been wrong. I... I don't know if I can trust you right now, Shiro. Were you going to try to use the... the 'other' me to trigger your ability again? Is that what you and Pidge were talking about?

[ He wanted to help, but not like that. Even if he wanted to help that way, he has no idea how - he can barely accept this other side of himself, let alone talk to it. ]

[shiro2hero]

(While we were talking, before. I didn't know she was going to say that.)

[For this, he... lowers the walls, a fraction. If only to show Aoba there's no attempt at subterfuge here. That what he says is as honest as he can possibly be. No more hiding things.]

(You might have a lot of people to be angry with. I... think most people who dogpiled on me knew what was happening. The Darkling was there, too.)

[Honesty, still. Though it hurts. This whole conversation hurts. He accepts it -- he doesn't try to fight against it, or deny it. He knows it wasn't the right thing to do. And no amount of justification is going to change it, or make it better.]

(No!) [It's possibly the sharpest refusal since they started talking.] (No, that was never... I never thought about that. Not unless you wanted to. That's why I wanted to talk to you first. Before she... sprung this on you.)

[Also his fault, there. Like he'd told her -- he should have said something to her, before this.]

(I don't blame you for being angry. You've got every reason to be, here. And if you want to... keep some distance now... I understand.)

[vocalis]

Seems to me like you had plenty of time to bring it up in less subtle ways! I get others not telling me, but you, Sam... I trusted you two!

[ A headache is creeping up from the back of his mind, and in his anger, Aoba doesn't attempt to shield the network from it. He'll apologize later, like he always does when his headaches affect the network, but for now he's letting his fury guide his thoughts and actions. ]

How do I know you mean it? It sure sounded like that's what Pidge wanted to do with me!

[ A moment later, he regrets the thought. Shiro is showing him as clearly as he can his truest intentions. He can see plainly that none of them were meant to hurt, but... what he says pierces straight through Aoba. Keeping distance. Another doubt comes to mind, but he's so shocked only the feeling of it travels through the network.

Was that his intention, for him to distance himself...? But Shiro knows his only broodmate left is Petre, and how frightening he is... he thought they were friends. That even if they fought, he wouldn't leave him alone.

His anger shifts very suddenly, and what takes it's place isn't more fury. It's loneliness akin to heartbreak. ]

I... fine. I will... keep some distance.

[ There's the mental sensation of plug being pulled, a line being cut, and an empty, cut-off sensation where Aoba was a second ago. ]