station72 | Day 10ish

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Day 10ish

(It's high time I did this.)

[Oh no, someone is gearing up for one of Those Speeches. Because one of their new arrivals ticked off a box in his head, and Sam's asking for training helped.]

[And he's tired of walking on eggshells.]

(I don't know how many of you were there when I found out what my Symbiote does. I sort of wish I hadn't. But. I can't change that.)

[Yeah apparently it made him the Space Hulk. And it took at least two people to keep him from ripping someone's face off.]

(What I can do is control it. I just need to know where to start.)

(So I'm taking a lead from Sam Wilson. Asking if anyone is willing to help. I... don't think I can promise no one will get hurt, but if we're careful, maybe it'll just be me.)

[And he can live with that.]

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[ Oh, only all of that, huh? Hopefully it's worth it. It's worth it to Sam, but that's beside the point.

There's a part of him that's hesitant about how much they keep putting aside for later, that knows that sometimes later never comes - where the things he learned working at the VA about patience and working through things in your own time are at odds with the things he learned in war and as an Avenger, that sometimes now is all you've got.

But one problem at a time, Shiro's right about that. ]

Yeah, I get that. Fair enough, man.

[ But he doesn't move. He just keeps holding Shiro, one arm around his back and the other hand in his hair, just letting himself be content. Like this - like this there's no struggle of now or later. If now is all they have, then this is how Sam wants to spend it, and if they've got plenty of time to work through things, then they've got time for this.

Sam's got time to press a kiss to Shiro's temple, to nuzzle into his hair and let his connection with Shiro wash over him. ]

( Have I told you today how really damn happy I am when we get to be like this? )

[No, there's never enough time. He should know that well enough by now. But here, it feels more like there is. It feels like they're on pause, here. Especially up in the Station like this. There isn't the frantic feeling of a mission, or the constant need to be ready like in the Castle.]

[Maybe he's gotten too complacent.]

[And that's probably not good. But at the moment, it feels like a break he's needed for over a year now.]

Maybe when we get this figured out.

[Just like he'd said before. After the mission. When one problem was done, it was time to pick up another. To keep moving. Keep working. Until you had nothing left. Just like he was used to doing -- even unconsciously.]

[It does, honestly, feel a little odd to have someone hold him. Maybe if they weren't on a bench it wouldn't be. Or if they were drunk again. But, really, the likelihood is high he's just not used to this feeling. It's not bad. Just odd.]

[... really, really not bad, if that contact against his hair is any judge.]

(No, we uh. We were talking about training. Before.)

[ Whatever Sam's own struggles with taking his time and not wanting to put things off for too long - the fact that Shiro feels like he's on pause here is good.

God but Shiro needs a break, and if Sam's even a little part of giving that to him, of making him feel like he can take a moment to breathe, then he's more than happy.

He lets out a little huff at that, a fond smile tugging at his lips even as there's a hint of exasperation. It drifts across their mental link - that's what you said before - but there's no bite to it, no recrimination. Acceptance for what it is, and the underlying knowledge that Sam's still gonna push him to look at things differently. To slow down and enjoy moments like this, to stop working constantly, though Sam doesn't say anything about it.

Sam hums softly, eyes slipping shut as he strokes through Shiro's hair, letting the pleasure and comfort he gets just from being able to hold Shiro close like this flow over their connection. ]

I'm really happy when we get to be like this.

[He'll never agree to that. Or at least, he won't for a while yet. He doesn't need to take a break, there's too much to be done. Too many people relying on him. That kind of thing.]

[Now... more than ever. Because now, they're all linked more deeply than ever, aren't they?]

[He glances away at that exasperation. Even if it's nothing severe. There's a flicker of guilt, regardless. He would love to just take the time to drift in this. Let it sink in. Let himself accept it. But, part of him still feels like he shouldn't.]

[Even if there's no way to hide the feeling of enjoyment from the contact.]

Yeah, I can tell.

[ That's another thing they'll work on, slowly but surely. It's something Sam's used to - a hell of a lot of the people in his life are exactly like that, and it's something Sam himself struggles with.

But all of them being linked more deeply than ever - well, there's no doubt about that. Far as Sam's concerned, it just means down time and taking a break is more important. If one of them burns out or runs themselves into the ground, everyone else is gonna feel it.

That ain't important right now, though. Right now, Sam's actually gotten Shiro to take something like a break, to just sit like this, even for a few moments. It's enough, especially when he can feel Shiro's enjoyment echoing his own.

His fingers keep running through Shiro's hair, breathing him in. I like making you happy. ]

[There's a part of him that would love to just drown in this. Just get swept away and continue along on this break. Continue pretending they had the time to spare. That there wasn't something hanging over their heads. But the rest of him is yelling at him already for being selfish enough to indulge this much.]

[For being able to ignore the mission, this long. Even if it's only for a few minutes.]

[He can feel himself pull back. Reluctant, resigned. His face is still halfway flushed, and there's still a dazed look in his eye. He's not pulled far enough to removed the hands from his hair, yet. But...]

I know. I... like the same. With you. But... we've got to focus, don't we?

[ They've got time to spare. Honestly, Sam thinks they could've had a little more time, but all right. He got at least a few minutes of down time, to just get to hold Shiro, he'll take it for now.

He still makes a disgruntled noise when Shiro starts pulling back, somehow managing to resist the urge to steal a last kiss from him.

Shiro has a point, though, and Sam tugs at Shiro's hair one more time before he pulls his hands away. ]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Coping skills first, we'll come up with a plan of which ones work best to ground you, and I'll... talk to Pidge about what our roles're gonna be later.

Mission first.

[He says it almost apologetically. Because part of him really would like nothing better than to stay like this for a lot longer. But that's an irresponsible part. A part he shouldn't be listening to.]

[He has to get this right. For everyone's sake. Now there's so much more riding on his shoulders.]

[The tug makes him duck his head briefly, cheeks coloring.]

I can talk to her, if that'd be easier for you.

[ For a moment, Sam goes very, very still. Mission first, and that stirs an echo of something dark and cold. Until he tangles his fingers a little tighter in Shiro's hair to ground him here, pulls away from his connection with Bucky, and settles back down into himself. ]

If you always put the mission first, one day there's not gonna be anything else.

[ This isn't about a mission for Sam. This is about Shiro needing to be able to ground himself, to calm himself down when he's triggered - this is about him wanting to help. Even if Shiro's only doing it to keep everyone else safe.

He smiles a little at that, shaking his head. ]

Nah. I mean, unless you wanna tell her that I think it'll be safest for her to be in another room when all this goes down.

... what's wrong?

[You know what happens when you're this close, and this connected? You can feel that. Even if it's nothing more than an echo. He's tilting his head to look at him better -- look at him more in the eye.]

[What's wrong? How can I help?]

She's not going to like that. From either one of us.

[He doesn't really need to tell Sam about Pidge's temper. They're in the same... brood after all. But he figures he should warn him, regardless?]

It's... mental connection stuff. I just know what it looks like when you don't have anything left but the mission, and how hard it is to come back from that.

[ He lets out a shaky exhale, curling his fingers into Shiro's shirt and focusing on the feel of the fabric under his skin. You're here, you help just by being here.

And then there's a little chuckle, something almost like a snort. ]

Yeah, I know. I'm not gonna avoid talking to her about the important stuff just cause she'd gonna get cranky at me though, you know? We'll figure it out.

[ They're broodmates. And one day she'll have to learn that losing her temper every time someone says something she doesn't like ain't gonna do any good, but hell if he's going to bring that up with her any time soon. ]

I have my team. And... uh. [There's a sprawl of color over his cheekbones. Under the edges of his scar.] This guy. Apparently.

He just needs to remember I'll come back. Once the job's done.

[Look at him trying to be coy and teasing. To lighten the mood and reassure him. Hopefully that comes through. They're this closely connected -- and in this close of contact. He doubts it doesn't.]

[But his laugh is clear. Even if it's low and quiet.]

"Cranky". That's kind of an understatement.

[Sorry Sam. Your boyfriend has a morbid sense of humor. But he's trying. He's listening and he's trying to be supportive.]

[ Oh, it definitely comes through - and Sam's delight probably does as well. If the way his smile lights up and the quiet laugh doesn't make it clear enough, there's a low surge of warm affection. The urge to kiss him again is almost overwhelming, but they're supposed to be focusing here, so he settles for teasing back, grin playful. ]

Yeah you do. And he knows just how lucky he is. Only - he ain't the sitting around and waiting at home type, so you better expect him to be on that job with you.

[ And then Shiro laughs, and all right, there's now way Sam can resisting kissing him after that. But it's quick, just the press of his lips to the scar over Shiro's nose, and then he's pulling back. ]

A hell of an understatement. But I love her bluntness, it's - well, not like I can't be blunt as hell. Her temper, though... one day it's gonna bite her in the ass if she keep blowing up on everyone when she wants them to see her for the amazing, competent girl she is.

I do. Even though I'm... still trying to wrap my head around most of it.

[Around being cared about like this. Around someone being in such constant, close contact. Getting kissed whenever Sam wants to. Or whenever he wants to. When before it just felt like some kind of dream. Like another life he'd never get to live.]

[It's hard to accept, but not in a bad way.]

The biggest understatement. [he shakes his head.] Her temper got her through a lot of things -- that and... being as stubborn as she is. I don't blame her for sticking to it, here.

[He's not saying it's right, but he understands it.]

Like I said, I'm not in a rush. But, uh. You know you can, yeah? Kiss me whenever you want to, you don't gotta wait for me to kiss you.

[ Don't think Sam hasn't noticed that so far, he's been the only one initiating things. It'd be enough to make him uncertain, if he didn't already know how out of his depth Shiro was here. Sam meant it when he said they could figure things out together. ]

You don't gotta defend her to me, man, I love the hell out of her. I know sticking with things that've gotten you through stuff in the past, being stubborn as shit and not willing to give up your anger 'cause it's one of the only things that's keeping you going. I'm just saying we're a team, here, and if people don't feel like they can trust her cause they don't know when she's gonna go off on them... It's not always gonna be you and me in charge of who does what.

[ He'd pick Katie every damn time, is the implication, and what travels across their connection - it's just not always up to him. ]

Edited 2017-03-26 05:37 (UTC)

I can... I know! I know I can. I'm... just trying to remember it.

[He can do this. He can totally do this.]

[He sounds about as flustered as he looks and feels. He hadn't realized he'd been waiting for Sam to take the initiative every time. He really hadn't.]

I know that. And she does too. She can be a team player -- one of the best we have. But this is... this is way out of left field for both of us.

After everything she's gone through, I don't blame her for not adapting as quick as most people seem to.

[ Sam ducks his head a little, trying to hide his amused smile. He can't help it - Shiro's really endearing when he's flustered. And it's not like Sam's unhappy about it, especially with the reaction that he gets when he does kiss Shiro. ]

It's cool, man, it's not like I don't already kiss you every chance we got. I just thought you might not've noticed it.

[ Sam's quiet as he listens to Shiro, taking it all in, and then laces their fingers together as he gently repeats, ]

You don't gotta defend her to me.

[ Or make excuses for her - Sam knows they're not excuses, but they could be. Reasons turn quickly into them, if there's no effort made to change. But she's fourteen, and even aside from everything else, Sam wouldn't expect her not to have a temper. Or to be so quick in letting it go. ]

That's why I said "one day."

One of these days, I'll figure out how to do this... human relationship thing again.

[One day he'll remember what it's like to be this comfortable with someone else. With someone else.]

[Then he's shaking his head, blowing out a breath hard enough to let his hair ruffle. She's fourteen, thrown into a war, then another. Lost two entire families, found and blood.]

[He's worried for her.]

And maybe one day I'll stop doing that, too. [A pause, his head shaking.] I'd be the same if any of the others were here, too, though. But I don't know if that's better or worse.

Long as we keep talking to each other, I think we're doing fine.

[ Not like Sam's not out of practice at it himself - but he likes to think he's doing okay, settling back in to the way this feels. ]

Nothing wrong with being protective. I get the feeling you're good at finding a balance, and knowing how to keep it from being too much. [ Comes with being a good leader, and Sam's got no doubt that Shiro's one. ] But I didn't mean to get us sidetracked again.

That's good to hear. I can do that.

[Talk to him, he means. Talking's pretty easy, all things considered.]

It feels like you're trying to flatter me here.

That's all I ask.

[ Then he grins a little, expression going playful and just a little bit coy. ]

Doesn't count as flattery if it's true.

I don't think I'd let us keep going if we weren't the communicating type.

[Yeah his face is still red. It's probably not going away any time soon.]

It's still flattery. Really distracting flattery.

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Day 10ish

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