day ??? | daily dose of whiny baby goat

[unfavoured]

CHARACTERS: Parker ( unfavoured ) & [ open ]
WHERE: Station 72
WHEN: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
SUMMARY: Why are you the way you are?
WARNINGS: Parker.

❚❚❚❚❚ and I like the way the sun feels

[ Claustrophobia had not been something she suffered from in the past, but after a year of solitary confinement, who can blame someone from feeling anxious about being locked in closed spaces, especially when said someone is someone that enjoys fresh air - and needs it to take relaxing walks. Parker wouldn't admit she suffers from it, but there is definitely indications of it when she starts to stress out even in the long corridors that seem to go on and on along the Station.

It's the closest thing she has to "walk it off" and at least it wasn't a smal room guarded by private security, even if she constantly feels like she is being watched.

She's been walking without any direction for at least thirty minutes and she hasn't found one place that has any windows. She thinks she's been further away from insanity months ago. She halts her stride, sighing to herself in irritation as she pinches the bridge of her nose, eyes burning from tiredness. She never looks too well nowadays, dark circles under her eyes and her hair, longer now than she was when she first arrived, curling at odd angles at the ends.

She looks at the ceiling and then forward. There's someone coming, but she isn't paying attention to them.

Dammit. She's lost again. ]

❚❚❚❚❚ one caves in one other

[ How long can a human being go, straining herself to the far end of the rope? Stretching all of that exhaustion until you don't even have any strength left in your fingers? It all varies, from person to person, and Parker lately seems to be trying to test that limit. At least, that's the impression someone could take from it, if she didn't make an effort to be a non-existent entity. Keeping distance, avoiding people, sleeping anywhere that's mostly deserted. Even using the kitchen has become a rare activity, because there is always someone - and in any case, everything tastes like ash.

The tiredness is not only physical as it is mental, and yet the only way she can figure to overcome is to keep her mind off of everything.

She can still be found in the training wing, the only one place she is able to stand if only because of how deeply focused she is when it comes to practice. But this time around, she doesn't seem as concentrated in what she's doing, nor as good as she tries to be. Clearly so, as the wall climbing she was exercising ends up with her arms giving out twenty-odd feet up and Parker falling on her side with a loud, dry sound. Air knocked out of her, she coughs when she finally gets some oxygen flow going in her lungs. Parker slowly sits up, ragged breath, leaning her arms on her knees. She leans forward, resting her forehead on her hand, holding on to her wrist. She's just going to. Sit for a minute there. By all means, there should be at least a broken bone there, but it doesn't seem the case.

Only broken pride. Nobody saw that. ]

❚❚❚❚❚ wildcard.

[ She can be found here and there, mostly quiet places. Her mood is less than optimal and she's 100% more irritable at the moment. This is why, if you want to read about whiny babies. ]

Comments

caves in

[adamance]

[Lexa has lost all patience in trying to reach out to Parker. Truthfully, she had done it out of some opportunistic desire that will always rest in her heart, but just the same: she had tried. Now, as she sees Parker fall and likely break some part of herself, she only sees someone on a path to self-destruction. She recalls Cathaway's earlier words, about how those who don't adapt will die. The weaker will be gone. What will happen will happen.

So how does Parker live? Is it because she isolates herself? Or something else?

Feigned sympathy doesn't even bother to radiate off of Lexa as she looks over toward the (should-be) broken woman, lips twisted downward.] Get up, [she says, tapping in to a part of her culture that she's only rarely had to herself. Here, at least.] Or you may draw the attention of someone new, someone who doesn't know not to waste their time with you.

[It's as callous as it comes, but there are those that Lexa believes will only make things more difficult. Parker is one of them.]

[unfavoured]

[ She's just stubborn and adamant in proving people wrong. That's what she spent the last years of her life doing, after all. Maybe it is pure stubbornness that is carrying her through it, but even hers has a limit that is slowly cracking like thin ice under the pressure of an insistent finger.

She doesn't seem to react at first to her words. Maybe she's gone deaf from the fall. But there is the ever so subtle tensing of her shoulders, the muscle underneath moving ever so slightly under the pale skin not covered by the tank top. The way her neck bends, it shows her scar, stretching from her neck to the base of her spine, thin, perfect line made with purpose, underneath the reason why her bones still hold together in place.

After a long moment of silence, she breathes out, clenches her jaw and slowly looks up from her place on the ground. She looks almost sickly these days. ]

You think if you could taste the shit that comes out of your mouth you'd talk a lot less?

[adamance]

I ask you again and again why you're still here, and you never answer. Yet you still are. Perhaps you like to hear what I have to say. [Lexa doesn't mean to imply that this is the truth, but she does continue to radiate with condescension. Sympathy doesn't come quickly to someone like her. She's a part of a society that thrived upon Social Darwinism almost out of necessity, afraid of what might happen if they tainted their blood along the way.

Survival mattered most.

But looking at Parker, Lexa doesn't see a woman who wants to survive. She sees someone who's wasting away.]

[unfavoured]

[ parker rolls her eyes with a sort of exasperated look, like the one you pull when you have to explain two plus two equals four to a child that refuses to learn. shaking her head, she pulls herself up to her feet, slowly so - even though her bones don't break, she definitely feels the pain of the fall. She frowns, eyes narrow, doesn't have to look too much further up, with only an inch or two away from Lexa's height. ]

Who do you think you are? No, really-- Why do you think you're of any importance at all? [ She takes a step forward, getting close and personal, but keeping her voice even and still, like she's... bored with the whole thing. Or so tired she doesn't care to give a shit anymore. Or both. ] You ask? [ A humourless breath of laughter, quick, short, unpleasant, and Parker shrugs. ] I don't give a shit what you do. I don't owe you or anyone else an answer. I don't owe anyone anything. [ Not here. Not any of them. Because Parker doesn't give if it is not whole and full, she does not give if it is not her everything. But to get there, there is a long road ahead. And she isn't going to build it with anyone. ]

Get out of my face and back off, you self-entitled asswipe.

[ Parker gives her a shove, as if to make a point, to push her to the side so she can walk past her. ]

[adamance]

[Had she approached seeking a fight? Lexa thinks that it might be the case. Some part of her itches for the opportunity. Kylo Ren's attack on her made her weak. And while she's trained herself and trained others, she hasn't had the opportunity to let loose. When Parker moves to shove, her hands respond quickly, all too aware of the trajectory of the arms. Her fingers wrap around Parker's arms and hold tightly. For now, she refrains from using her ability. For now, she just wants to cause pain, but not inflict permanent injury.

But Lexa knows she's willing to do that. There are limits, walls that go up because of the nature of the symbiotes, and she has no interest in inflicting harm on a brood just to make a point.]

We're going nowhere. I am going nowhere. Besides, aren't you the one who thinks you're above us? You act as if you are.

[That's not to say that Lexa isn't fully aware of her own ego. She's very comfortable with it.]

[unfavoured]

[ As soon as her fingers as much as touch her, all of Parker's body tenses up. She has a thing about proximity. Being around people in general is uncomfortable considering her mild social anxiety and extreme lack of social skills. On top of that, the fact that she has been spiralling down the drain doesn't help at all tolerate any sort of contact from people. Or, rather, from anyone that she doesn't like. Which is probably 100% of the population of the Station.

Whatever she's saying doesn't seem to register as Parker slowly looks down to where she is being held and stares at it, before turning her eyes up to her. ]

I just act like I don't like you.

[ Which she says not even a second before her foot is flying out against her stomach. If there is one thing Parker knows is to get out of a lock; arm twisting on the inside of Lexa's thumb until it has to give out because anatomy, putting the distance between them. ]

Because I really don't.

[adamance]

I'm not so arrogant as to have the impression that you hide in your room to avoid me alone. [That isn't to say that she isn't arrogant. Lexa knows her flaws, knows her problems; when people are irritated with her, they're all too willing to throw them in her face.

Of course, she says the above words after she's stepped back, thumb flexing briefly toward her palm to consider the strain on it. Her abdomen aches from the kick, but not so much that she's fazed by it. She's experienced worse. The scar on her hand from catching a sword in it is proof of that: she had barely carried that wound for long with any great deal of worry.]

But I do think someone needs to put you in your place.

[unfavoured]

How am I supposed to hide in my room when there's no door?

[ Just missing the "Duh!" at the end of the sentence for her flat, sarcastic delivery make a bigger impact. Eyebrows climbing up her forehead, eyes widening slightly with her fingers spread. "What now?", she seems to say.

But it's a question that doesn't need an answer - and one that she quickly abandons anyway for the following words. Parker narrows her eyes at her, tilting her head down with eyebrows creasing frowns on her skin. ]

Are you serious right now? [ Not so much disbelief as she's almost offended by it, her shoulders setting dangerous, the muscles moving under glistening bruises and skin.

Still, she'll indulge. ]

My place is the one I choose for myself. It's certainly not for you, not for any of them, not for those insane aliens that vomit inane bullshit, to tell me where I should stand. So mind your own business. Be the lapdog you want to be. I'm not interested.

[adamance]

Why do you assume that everyone is a lapdog because they don't behave like you? [Lexa returns to this point in part because it's the most baffling. Before coming here, no one had accused her of being a follower—no one outside of Clarke. But as far as she knows, she can only see herself working to reconfigure things here, to improve them so that they aren't little more than slaves to a system that wants them to lose themselves.

That fear grounds her.]

Eventually, you will contradict yourself into nothing this way. You are the first—the only—to accuse me of this here. Applying a meaning to something that isn't there won't benefit you.

[She is somewhat aware that she is doing the same with these words, but just the same, her frustration is palpable.]

sun

[erbier]

[ Ilde appears in a nearby doorway that was, perhaps, not actually there before. She considers Parker for a long moment, frowning, before making herself known. ]

Addison.

[ Maybe she won't like to be called that, but Ilde has a habit of addressing people by their given names, over their family surname. ]

[unfavoured]

[ What's with these people and thinking they have any resemblance of a partnership, of a relationship, no matter how small, to think they are entitled to use her name when she keeps introducing herself as Parker? There is, after all, a reason for it. She slows to a stop, keeping her distance, and locks her eyes with hers, jaw slightly clenched. ]

It's Parker. [ She says it slowly. ] You need me to write it down, or you think your bird brain can hold on to that?

[ There's a short moment where she stares at her, eyebrows raised, like prodding the question in, before she resumes her path, intent on walking past her. ]

[erbier]

[ Considering Addison has never actually introduced herself to Ilde at all... Well. She doesn't see why she should be chastised for using her first name. Then again, she knows Addison's stubbornness well enough to know that reason has little to do with it. Ilde's lips purse. ]

I came to invite you inside.

[ She motions back through the door she had appeared from. Within is another garden, hers, private. It is not as immaculately sculpted as the Circle Gardens, has much that is wild overgrown, and mixed with it little tiers, planters, orderly groves, hidden amongst tall grasses. ]

[unfavoured]

[ Maybe that's why - if she hasn't even introduced herself, she is even less inclined to be welcoming to someone knowing her name and using it when there was a bare instance of speaking to each other way back on Concordia. Which is not to say that the way she addresses Ilde is in any way excusable. Because it isn't.

Parker stares at her for a second, then slowly leans sideways to look at the garden behind her, face squeezed in a frown. ]

Why?

[ Which somehow sounds even more offended. ]

[erbier]

[ There is an answer to that, but it is an answer Addison won't like. She would never even have come near this place if there wasn't something inside of it that she wanted: fresh air, outdoors. Ilde's lush little park is the closest that Addison Parker is going to get aboard this Station, and so it had led her. Ilde knows this. The Station had created the space for her because she too had needed it. ]

It is private and very quiet.

[ In more ways than one. If Ilde wanted the noise of the other hosts, she would be out among them. When she is in her garden... she does not. There is a kind of buffering to the space. ]

Perhaps you will walk with me, we do not have to speak.

[unfavoured]

[ Well, she certainly wouldn't like of her to keep thinking of her as Addison considering there is only a handful of people that are allowed to call her that and nobody around here even comes close.

Parker frowns at her, or rather, squints, head tilted only slightly. It's not really outdoors and it's not really fresh air. It is only a lie disguised as comfort. ]

You didn't answer my question.

[ She says in an annoyed tone, even if rather flat. ]

[erbier]

I thought you might enjoy it.

[unfavoured]

[ The look of suspicion doesn't waver a single bit. ]

I don't want anything from you.

wildcard, after caves in?!

[inflori]

[ Petre is as useless around the Station as ever. He eats junk food like there's no tomorrow, he plays video games, he makes fun of people and throws a tantrum when they get the best of him. The few genuine moments of fun only happen when he gets the chance to manipulate someone, and his latest project is Aoba and the seme in his head.

It's a welcome change to the routine when Parker passes by, sweaty, and. Upset. ]

Why are you so upset.

[ It's, like... almost a rhetorical question by this point. Parker's always upset. She'd be upset if they told her she'd won a million dollars and a goat. (That's something you won in the Game of Life. It's true, look it up.)

He still asks it, knowing fully well it's just another thing to prickle the girl who couldn't be any pricklier herself. ]

[unfavoured]

[ It's a low hum that always seems to pulse through and from her, like an erratic beat of a broken drum. It's muffled, as much as possible, by the walls she forces herself to carry, but it slips through the cracks and fissures.

Moreso, when the grating voice of a particular little shit comes grating in on her ears. Parker looks over her shoulder to him, looking a lot more roughed up than simple exercise. Did she get in a fight again?

Probably. ]

Get lost.

[inflori]

[ He looks neither concerned not enthusiastic about whether or not Parker got into another fight. She looks and acts like it's every day to her, and Petre's been in a match with her more than enough times.

There's no sign of him having burned her face, he notices. What was it again? Her eyelashes? Oh well. ]

You mean like you do?

[unfavoured]

[ She makes a face at him that's trying to decide if he's stupid or if he's doing it on purpose. ]

That makes no sense.

[ Not that she doesn't get lost. But it's such a dumb comeback that there's little to pick on. ]

[inflori]

I've seen you. Walking around like an idiot, getting nowhere no matter how long you walk.

[ It's a comeback as much as it's a diversion to talk about her. ]

[unfavoured]

[ She turns around slowly, having mostly been talking to him in a sideways position, narrowing her eyes with the still unsure expression on her face. ]

What are you now, a creepy stalker?

[inflori]

I can't help it. [ i'm just creepy all the time. ] Your head is fucking loud. It's annoying.

[unfavoured]

[ She looks at him for a second, knowing full well that while she isn't able to block the thoughts from others or herself, she grasps it more or less decently to keep it quiet. ]

Are you sure it's not just you who's too quiet? [ She means your brain is empty. u dumb.

Parker rolls her eyes to him and turns around to leave. ]