when were you happy? (open)

[travailed]

CHARACTERS: Beth and YOU
WHERE: here there and everywhere
WHEN: any day and every day
SUMMARY: open prompts for downtime. if you'd like something specific hit me up at pineappamatic!
WARNINGS: N/A! will update as necessary


i. hello, it's me

[Beth doesn't like the sensation of the mental link, like a lot of people. She feels like it's been enough time that she should be used to it by now, but she isn't. She doesn't mind people seeing into her head, though, as much as she feels like she's infringing on others' boundaries, or inflicting the tangled mess of her mind on them.

So, she's making a point to meet and get to know everyone. Really get to know them, the old fashioned way. Where people reveal information about themselves as they feel comfortable.

It's kind of a tall order, but she's trying.

It could be anywhere: in the rec wing or the nesting deck or just in a hallway. The ice doesn't need to be broken first, either; if Beth makes eye contact with a stranger long enough, she'll muster up the courage to break it herself, stepping forward enough to catch their eye.]

Hi. [Her voice is soft but her eyes are steady. She holds her hand out to shake.] I'm Beth. I don't think we've met before.

ii. push it

[On occasion, Beth can be found in the training wing. There isn't a set pattern to when she shows up; it's more that there are good days and bad days, and on her bad days she feels a need to be productive. She needs to be better. Stronger. She can't get complacent or comfortable. This place isn't any safer than where she came from, it's just a different kind of danger.

The thing is, though, she's small. And she's never had any sort of proper training regimen; most of what she knows is a combination of physical feats made in fight-or-flight situations and what people could teach her in the scant moments of spare time they could find back at the prison.

But she can start by lifting some weights.]

'Scuse me. [She points at a set of hand weights that they may or may not be standing in front of.] Can I get at those?

iv. choose your own adventure

[Hit me with a prompt of your own, or let me know if you'd like to plot out something else!]

Comments

i

[greentech]

[ Time has seemed to pass slowly. Or very quickly. At times Pidge isn't sure which. So much has happened, but with no real set structure or goal, each day on the station seems to bleed into the next. It's maddening. She's taken to trying to keep a calendar and to update it, taking notes on events. She's in the middle of updating it, perched on a seat in the rec room, laptop precariously balanced on her knees when Beth catches her eye and she glances up curiously. New face.

Oh, they're doing introductions. She extends her hand with a slightly awkward smile and shakes. ]

Uh, hi. You're... new. Right?

[ There's a pause. ]

Oh! Right. I'm Pidge. Or Katie. Either works.

[travailed]

Okay. Katie. [She assumes "Pidge" is a nickname; it feels more polite to her to use Katie for now.] It's nice to meet you.

[She takes another of the empty seats and fiddles with a pack of cards in her lap, shuffling and reshuffling.]

I didn't mean to interrupt you or nothin'. I just don't know everybody yet, so I wanted to at least get everybody's names, you know?

[greentech]

[ Katie is fine. She's just not entirely used to it again after all this time, even if Misato does use it. ]

It's fine! And, yeah, it's not like we're a giant crew or anything. Although I guess it's about six times as large as my last crew, which is saying something.

[ She tends to babble a bit. ]

So, uh, you just... came aboard, right?

[ She doesn't want to say 'hatched' or 'spawned'. Her eyes fall on the cards and she eyes them curiously without saying anything. At least not yet. ]

[travailed]

[She appreciates that. She doesn't much enjoy thinking of herself as a fish or a bug.]

Sorta. There's folks newer than me, I think. But I've only ever been on the station.

[She hadn't really thought about the relative size of the crew, just that she'd been surprised when so many more people came back after she and Misato and the others woke up. It makes sense, though. Most space missions at home only had a handful of astronauts on them, right?]

Have you been in space before? Before— this, I mean.

[greentech]

Uh, yeah, actually. I was -- uh, am, a Paladin of Voltron. I spent some time flying around in a castle. That was kinda neat.

[ And terrifying. And frustrating. And a lot of things. ]

I'm not sure we're technically in space, though. I think we're in some sort of alternate dimension.

[travailed]

[Flying around in a castle sounds... narrow. And dangerous. Beth's not sure if "castle" is supposed to mean something different in context here.

Space vs alternate dimension. She's reminded of the first time she talked to Cathaway, when she understood maybe every other word.]

Sorry. [She's more apologizing for the fact that she's going to ask her to explain again.] Is that different? I mean, it sounds different. I guess I don't really know what that means.

[greentech]

[ Technically a castle-ship, but details. Pidge can explain later. ]

In a way, it is. "Space" implies that we're still present in our own universe or at least a universe that corresponds to how we interpret the cosmos. Basically, cold vacuum of space, gravity, blah, blah, blah. We're... not there. At least not on the station. According to Sam, there's just... nothing. A void. No stars, no gravity, no radiation. Just empty nothingness. Definite difference.

[travailed]

[Beth grimaces as she listens. Void doesn't sound any better than cold vacuum of space and space already sounded kind of bad.]

I... think I get it. [Well, not really. But she gets the difference, at least. A beat.] It sounds creepy.

[greentech]

It's super creepy. Plus we have this thing in our heads. Which I guess is sort of helpful? But also super weird? I don't really know what to think about it anymore.

[ She's also trying not to broadcast her emotions everywhere. ]

How are you adjusting?

[travailed]

I'm... all right. I think.

[She really means that; she's not trying to be dodgy. It's just that there's so many different components to gauge— the symbiote, the station, leaving home, getting involved in a war, to say nothing of being bombarded with thoughts and feelings left and right.]

I'm just trying to take it one step at a time. You know? It's— a lot, if I try to think of it all at once.

[Too much.]

[greentech]

Yeah, I know what you mean. That's what it was like when I first got here. And right after I arrived they kicked me down to the planet to help with their weird mission.

[ She doesn't appreciate any of this, apparently. At least not if the buzz of discontent rolling off of her is any guide. ]

It's just -- it's weird. Are we ever going to be able to go home again? Why did they have to draft us?

[travailed]

I don't know.

[It's not an answer. She knows that. She also knows that there probably isn't anyone here who can give them a good one. She's quiet for a second, looking down at where she's twisting her fingers together. She can't blame Katie for feeling that way, even if Beth is more resignation than unhappiness.]

I think... Some things just happen. They're not always someone's fault. I woulda died if they hadn't brought me here. [A beat. She looks up, even if she's not quite smiling.] I hope we can go back home. Someday. Till then we just gotta keep goin' forward. You know?

[greentech]

I -- yeah. I know.

[ Katie's shoulders slump a little. She has a lot of feelings about being here and what else she could be doing with her time and the people that she's not going to be able to help. Her fingers drum against her upper thighs as she thinks. ]

There's just so much I don't understand and so much I want to do and I... can't. At least not here.

[travailed]

I know. I feel that way too, a lot of the time.

[There's a lot she left behind. People she loves, who might need her and who she might now really never see again. She does smile, but it's a little sad, commiserating.]

I'm sorry. I know it's not easy. I kinda feel like... I'm just sitting around, when there's so much else I could be doing.

[greentech]

[ That sort of sadness is one that Pidge (Katie) is used to. It's one that tugs at her every day she spends on the Station or stuck with this crew. Every day feels like that, like she's getting farther and farther away from a pair of people who she desperately wants to see again but probably never will. There's some emotional bleed there, despite her efforts to keep it under wraps.

The room gets a bit bleaker. ]

I... know what you mean. We're just sort of waiting for them to send us to another planet and I'd rather be active. I don't like waiting. And waiting means that I'm losing time to handle what's really important.

[travailed]

Yeah. Me too. I thought I'd like it better, finally getting the chance to relax, you know? But after being here for so long... I dunno. I think I'd rather be out there doing something than in here wondering what's gonna happen.

[It's a bit of a feedback loop forming between them, sadness and restlessness bouncing back and forth, digging the hole deeper and deeper. Beth smooths her hair back from her forehead, like that might wipe the extra emotion from the front of her mind.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to make things worse. I... get it, though. That's all.

[greentech]

No, it's not your fault.

[ Katie sighs. ]

It just gets hard after a while. And sometimes I feel like I'm going to start forgetting everything that makes me... me.

[travailed]

Yeah.

[That's quiet, nearly a whisper. She doesn't necessarily feel that here yet, though there are whispers of it at the edges of her mind, but she knows the feeling in general. She knows what it feels like to look back on herself and see an entirely different person.

She lifts her head to look around the rec room. She doesn't want to make the mood any worse by wallowing, so:]

Is there something you like to do? Like a game from back home, or— I dunno, somethin'. We could do that. [a beat] It's small, but.... That's what I used to do, when I felt that way. Try to focus on the small things that helped me feel like me.

[greentech]

[ OK, yeah, that's a bit too depressing and weird to think about right now. Katie tries to push it out of her head, but the thought lingers. Still, she tries. If not for her sake, for her new friend-slash-co-worker. ]

Uh, I like video games, but we don't really have a whole lot of those around here. Tinkering with technology. Building stuff and working with my hands.

[ Pidge frowns. ]

Some coding, sometimes. Right now I mostly just tinker with the materials I picked up on our last mission. There's not a whole lot else to do, you know?

[travailed]

I played a video game with Petre the other day. [A beat, then sheepish:] I wasn't very good.

[Read: she was terrible.]

I'm not great with, you know. Electronics and stuff. [She's pretty sure that's the kind of tinkering Pidge is talking about.] I grew up on a farm. We didn't even get good satellite channels.

[greentech]

What games do we even have here? I haven't checked...

[ She's been planetbound for way too long. She blinks at Beth when she mentions growing up on a farm. That is completely alien to her and not something she thinks she'd enjoy. ]

Whoa, really? I think I would've gone crazy. Then again, I don't really like the outdoors that much...

[ Poison ivy, bugs, etc. Ew. ]

[travailed]

What's not to like? Bugs and mud and weird smells....

[She's joking. It might be obvious by how bad she is at subduing her little grin.]

I think I'd go crazy inside all day. There ain't enough to do, you know? Like... The game Petre and I played was one of those shooting ones, with all the different characters and stuff. [She does small finger guns.] My brother had one just like it. He'd play it all day. I don't get that at all. It's just the same thing over and over, how's that not boring after a while?

[greentech]

That's exactly what I don't like.

[ Pidge grumbles in reply, but it's mostly good-natured. She's complaining for the sake of complaining. She perks up when the talk swings back to video games. ]

Eh, I understand. Shooters can get kind of repetitive. I was really into RPGs. It's all about quests and defeating evil and going on a long journey-

[ Hey, wait. ]

...I was basically living in something out of an RPG, wasn't I?

[travailed]

Were you? I don't really know a lot about that kind of stuff.

[She feels like she sort of knows what Pidge is talking about, she's heard the term "RPG" before, but she can't come up with any examples to speak of. She considers.]

What was home like for you? Somethin' about a castle, right?

[That sounds like an RPG thing. Castles and dragons, right?]

[greentech]

Uh, well, before I ended up piloting a giant robot lion, I actually had a pretty normal life on Earth. My dad and my brother were both part of a deep space mission, though, and... something went wrong and they went missing.

[ Pidge grimaces. ]

So I decided to go and find them.

[ It's a long story, Beth. ]