[open]

[redheadcarrier]

CHARACTERS: Asuka Langley Soryu and you.
WHERE: The Station
WHEN: Day: 048
SUMMARY: Asuka hasn't had a good time emotionally; she tries to distract herself by overworking.
WARNINGS: Potential mention of suicide, suicidal ideation, death.

[ Her conversations with Misato didn't go anywhere. Or at least they didn't go anywhere that would help Asuka resolve the teeming mass of uncomfortable hollowness that permeates her. Every last bit of her old self-worth feels as if it's been ground out of her, squeezed by her death, by Third Impact, and now by Misato, until she's been left flailing and trying to grasp onto something - anything - that will let her keep her head above water. She has a new purpose now, so at least there's that. There are new people around her. Some of them are even decent, but she tries not to let on that she likes some of them.

Of course, with Adra and Lavellan, it's almost impossible for her to keep that way. They're a constant presence at the back of her mind. Warm light and a familiar feeling of frustration and loss, respectively. The feelings she associates with them now and the emotions that creep in when she tries to pay attention to their buzzing, humming presence. She's adapted, too. She's found that she can tune out the voices if she wants, but that simply letting them fade into the background of her head is almost easier.

Asuka's not sure how she feels about that.

There's nothing for her to do yet and she feels antsy and on edge and if she sits too long, her mind is going to start crawling down into dark places and it'll take her with it. So she moves. She decides to train, because she's here to fight a war and if she has to fight, she's going to be ready. They have a gym and she's using it now, going through a routine. Running, acrobatics, exercises, and a barrage of punches and kicks that are aimed at the punching bag there. Her form is a bit sloppy, but there's real muscle memory to it - like a fighter who coming back after an injury. It's also a bit strange to see a five-foot nothing teenager going after said punching bag with the viciousness of a cornered animal, teeth gritted, breath hissing between her teeth, anger and frustration rolling out of her with every blow until she leaves herself panting and out of breath, still glaring at the punching bag as if it somehow personally offended her.

She spits out a few choice curse-words in German, but she welcomes the feeling of physical exhaustion that washes over her and radiates out through the hive link. Better than the alternative. ]

[OOC: Will potentially ad more prompts later; if you'd like to hit her somewhere else, just wildcard it. ]

Comments

[redheadcarrier]

( Of course it matters. )

[ She's been burned before. Adults have promised her things and then failed her. Her peers have failed her. She's had to face so much of the world alone that she's almost instantly suspicious of anyone offering her any sort of help. ]

[deployed]

( There's no agenda. )

[ And Bellamy wasn't adept enough to conceal one, if he'd had some ulterior motive. ]

( I can feel what you're projecting. That's all. )

[redheadcarrier]

( Yeah, well, that's not my fault. )

[ She sounds a touch bitter about that. Although it sort of is her fault, honestly. She's not making much of an effort to shield it or tamp it down. ]

( I'm fine. )

[ Lies. ]

( I don't need psychotherapy from a complete stranger, that's for sure! )

[deployed]

( I didn't say it was. )

[ It's not as if Bellamy could really complain anyway. Glass houses, etc. ]

( I'm not offering psychotherapy. I was just asking if you were alright. )

[ There's a pause as Bellamy's mind probes lightly at the edges of her thoughts. ]

( Do you want me to show you something to help block people out? )

[redheadcarrier]

[ She's reluctant to accept the help. She should be able to do this on her own. She doesn't need people asking if she's "alright". Or maybe that's the point. Maybe that's why she dragged herself back into existence.

She doesn't know anymore. ]

( Yeah. Fine. Make yourself useful. )

[deployed]

( You're welcome. )

[ So, so dryly. But that's counterproductive, so Bellamy lets the faint sense of irritation fade away.

Doing this would be easier if he could replicate what Angel had done. But he creeps in closer, settling into Asuka's mind and dragging up walls in his wake. They're flimsy, a far cry from Angel's expertly constructed barriers, but they'll hold for the moment. His mind is momentarily laid bare to her, subject to the prickling anger of Asuka's link. ]

( You can block them out. You make walls and hold them up. It becomes an instinct. Then you don't have to hear so much of everyone else's business. )

[ Bellamy's mind is earth, lush and green. The barriers in his head are ringed with barbed wire and cut trees bound together, but they crumple too easily under the slightest duress. Asuka might be better. ]

( Make them so I can't get in. )

[redheadcarrier]

[ There's a sense of unease from her as he starts to settle into her mind. It reminds her a little too much of Arael and the way the Angel had forced its way into her head. She resists the urge to try to force him out - but now there's a demonstration. Walls that go up and even if they're flimsy, she can see how it works. ]

( Is that all? )

[ So she throws up her own walls. She ignores the prickly feeling of his mind and throws up barriers that shimmer when they're stuck, lines radiating out from the center like some invisible force field. Her mind is blood and anger and heat. ]

[deployed]

[ It feels like her mind is going to scorch him. Was this what he'd felt like, after Clarke had left, after the Mountain fell? He doesn't flinch, but Bellamy's careful. It's almost like walking through a minefield; he's cautious about where he's setting his feet, about what his mind touches. ]

( It's how I do it. )

[ But there are better ways. Bellamy isn't going to deny that. ]

( I'm not the most talented. But this is a good start. It'll give you some privacy. )

[ Just a guess, but that's likely what Asuka will value the most. ]

[redheadcarrier]

[ Good. He should be cautious. That's how she'd prefer he be when it comes to her. ]

( Fine by me. I don't need everyone running around in my head. )

[ It's been a weird few days. But she's adjusting (slowly but surely). Getting used to feeling pings of emotion and sensations that aren't hers. It's disturbing, honestly, but she can't do anything but deal with it. ]

( Who are you? )

[ She should find out. She's not ungrateful, even if she's difficult. ]

[deployed]

( Bellamy Blake. )

[ The identifier feels hollow these days, but he still can't bring himself to identify by his brood. ]

( I'm a little tied up at the moment, but in the future I can offer you a more concrete distraction than showing you how to build walls in your head. )

[ Aka he can give her the chance to knock him down a lot. ]

[redheadcarrier]

( Asuka Langley Soryu. )

[ There. Now they know each other. Sort of. She got a glimpse of him - all green and lush - and he got a taste of her heat and despair. They're even.

Wait, what is he talking thinking about? ]

( ...are you hitting on me? Because I am way out of your league. )

[deployed]

[ A ripple of amusement meets her statement. At one point, sure, he might have been flirting. But the idea of flirting dredges up Clarke, then Gina, and guilt tempers any levity in his mind. ]

( You probably are. )

[ Sincere, rather than sarcastic. ]

( I meant sparring. )

[redheadcarrier]

( Oh. )


[ That actually defuses her a little. She's not sure what to say to that, at least at first. So there's buzzing silence on her end until she finally replies. ]

( Sure, I guess. What do you fight with? )

[deployed]

[ It almost feels like she's broken contact, or about to break contact. Bellamy's quiet, flexing his wrist under the sodden mass of his new-found friend, attention receding and then zeroing back in when she questions him. ]

( My hands. )

[ The admission stirs up violence: choking Lovejoy in the blue light of the harvest room, lashing out wildly at Roan as Clarke screams, pain and blood washing across the memories. ]

( Most of the time with a gun, if I can. )

[redheadcarrier]

[ Violence; she recognizes violence. Almost wants to feel it. There's flashes of her own. Of being (or feeling like she's) a giant machine, with blood running over her. Ripping something apart. Swatting attack craft out of the sky like flies.

Blood covering her vision in red. Pain. ]

( Yeah. I... sort of used a bit of everything. )

[deployed]

[ The machinery he gleans from her mind is jarring enough to disrupt the shared loop of blood and injury. ]

( That's probably more than I've had access to. )

[ And what Bellamy's had access to is likely primitive in comparison. ]

( It got the job done. And it still has here. )

[ With a little added help from whatever his symbiote had given him. But Bellamy doesn't consider that part of his repertoire. It's something that happens almost independently of his abilities. It's a weapon, but one he can't control or understand. ]

[redheadcarrier]

( Whatever works. )

[ It's kind of weird that she's bonding over the fact that she's had violence in her past. Then again, she's never really seen any of the people she's done violence to as people. ]

( If we're here to fight I might as well be useful. )

[deployed]

( Do you fight hand to hand, or is it always...that machine? )

[ the machine of which bellamy's impression of is basically: ???????? ]

[redheadcarrier]

( It's going to have to be hand-to-hand and firearms now. Not like I have an Eva to pilot anymore. And an Eva is forty meters tall. Be kinda hard to sneak around, right? )

[deployed]

( No, I guess not. )

[ The only frame of reference Bellamy has for what Asuka's referring to is what he's picked out of Shiro's mind: giant metal creatures, lion-shaped and ostentatious. No, not great for a stealth mission. ]

( Why are you angry? Because you're here? )

[redheadcarrier]

( What? No. I'm glad I'm here. I'd rather be anywhere than back there. )

[ There's a flashed image of a beach with a red, red sea and some sort of misshapen face looming on the horizon. ]

[deployed]

[ Asuka's hardly the first person to express this, but it still surprises Bellamy. His shock rattles down the line to her. ]

( Why? )

[redheadcarrier]

( My world is dead. That's why. )

[ It might make a comeback, but she has no reason to wait for that to happen. ]

[deployed]

( Was it the bombs? )

[ It's a natural assumption for Bellamy. Her world must have burned, the same as his did. And maybe hers wasn't lucky enough to recover. Sympathy colors the question as he considers the answer she's given him. ]

[redheadcarrier]

( No. Third Impact. Human Instrumentality. )

[ She knows the words mean very little to him, but she can't explain it. There's too much information to put together and then explain. It's still raw. ]