Sam Wilson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
station722016-06-06 08:25 pm
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote in station722016-06-06 08:25 pm
Entry tags:
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CHARACTERS: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson
WHERE: Subspace
WHEN: Day :011
SUMMARY: tracking down two not quite friends who may or may not want anything to do with him
WARNINGS: will update as needed!
It’s not that Sam’s been avoiding Steve or Barnes, not really. It’s just that neither of them have really been around the Bearings much, and Sam hasn’t gone looking for them when he didn’t run into them.
If it was just that Steve didn’t remember him or was from a time before ever meeting him or whatever it was, or just that being in the same brood as Barnes meant they were connected in a way that Sam should have found ironic, given how long he spent looking for the guy - well, if it was just one of those, Sam might have ignored it and kept right on going like he had before he got here.
But with the double whammy, he kind of figured maybe all of them needed at least a few days to adjust. Before he started shoving himself into a place where he might not be welcome, but he sure as hell knew he wasn’t going to be able to stay away from. He figured they were together, and at least they could keep an eye on each other.
Of course, that was before he heard about the crimes being pinged by their IDs, and before the bomb went off and things started escalating. He doesn’t really have anything sorted out yet, but he doesn’t think twice before tracking them down. He’s been through too much with Steve to know how not to try to be his friend, and he’s done too much to try to keep Barnes safe to give up now.
He raps on the door when he gets there, doing his best to keep a handle on his emotions but leave himself open enough that they can pick up that it’s him.
“Barnes, Rogers, you in there?”
WHERE: Subspace
WHEN: Day :011
SUMMARY: tracking down two not quite friends who may or may not want anything to do with him
WARNINGS: will update as needed!
It’s not that Sam’s been avoiding Steve or Barnes, not really. It’s just that neither of them have really been around the Bearings much, and Sam hasn’t gone looking for them when he didn’t run into them.
If it was just that Steve didn’t remember him or was from a time before ever meeting him or whatever it was, or just that being in the same brood as Barnes meant they were connected in a way that Sam should have found ironic, given how long he spent looking for the guy - well, if it was just one of those, Sam might have ignored it and kept right on going like he had before he got here.
But with the double whammy, he kind of figured maybe all of them needed at least a few days to adjust. Before he started shoving himself into a place where he might not be welcome, but he sure as hell knew he wasn’t going to be able to stay away from. He figured they were together, and at least they could keep an eye on each other.
Of course, that was before he heard about the crimes being pinged by their IDs, and before the bomb went off and things started escalating. He doesn’t really have anything sorted out yet, but he doesn’t think twice before tracking them down. He’s been through too much with Steve to know how not to try to be his friend, and he’s done too much to try to keep Barnes safe to give up now.
He raps on the door when he gets there, doing his best to keep a handle on his emotions but leave himself open enough that they can pick up that it’s him.
“Barnes, Rogers, you in there?”
no subject
But now's not the time to go anywhere near that. This isn't about him, and when Steve says that Buck's got concerns, Sam looks back over at Barnes.
Great, of course it's happening again. The last times it had happened around Sam, he'd ended up with a wrecked car, a destroyed set of wings, and getting thrown across the room by his damn face. But if Sam wasn't willing to let that go - more or less - he wouldn't have done everything he already had to keep Barnes safe.
And he sure as hell isn't going to try to hold onto it now, not when he can feel that tentative trust blooming there. If Barnes is willing to try to trust him to help, then there's no way that Sam can let him down.
"It happens," he agrees, wading through the terror and doing his best not to let it drag him down. "Lot of vets lose pieces of time, sometimes it comes with flashbacks, sometimes it's like you blink and you feel like nothing's happened but everything has. And that's before everything else you got going on in there."
He pulls in a breath, rolls his shoulders back and lets it out, nice and slow. "Those couple a years we spent looking for you, it happen a lot then? Or is it just ramping up after shit hit the fan?"
no subject
The response comes as effortlessly as if talking about the weather.
"No, Berlin was the first," he replies, a silent since HYDRA tacked on the end.
He sighs before continuing; he and Steve had this talk with the other Sam already, ending in conclusions Bucky couldn't believe or trust.
"In Berlin, that guy said the words." The trigger words, the ten words that make him a weapon. "No one said anything here."
Not that he can recall, anyways.
no subject
"We were wondering if it had to do with the symbiote," he supplies after a moment, brow furrowing as he looks at Sam.
The problem with any of these answers is obvious: to find out what's really going on, someone's likely going to need to get into Bucky's head - and that's not happening any time soon.
no subject
He's got no idea what it's like to hold that kind of fear - beyond what he's doing his best to hold for Barnes right now - but he does know something about coming back messed up and wanting to hide.
Sam runs a hand over his jaw, considering that. "Yeah, maybe. Maybe something got kicked loose back in Berlin, maybe it was all that shit in Siberia, maybe it's all this shit here. Hell, maybe it's all of it put together. I don't know, man, this is a little beyond my expertise. I always got help with the why."
If this was back home, back when Sam was still working at the VA, that's what he'd do here: suggest seeing a therapist, maybe even make a recommendation. But he doesn't even know if there's any therapists here, let alone ones that could be trusted. He guesses the closest thing to an expert in the symbiote is the older Hosts, but Sam isn't sure how much he trusts them himself.
"But I do know that running and avoiding never works. I got some tricks I can share: stuff like what I'm doing now, things to help figure out what's gonna set you off and how to keep it from controlling you, how to snap yourself back. It's not a guarantee, but-" He looks over at Steve, then back at Barnes. "I can do the best I've got."
no subject
Running and hiding sounds damn good right about now, despite Sam's words and despite Bucharest. Cooping up in the foxhole hasn't helped the buzzing in his head or the sense of inevitable dread hanging over him, but at least he isn't surrounded by innocent bystanders.
He sucks in a breath, the link between him and Sam humming gently with the burgeoning trust.
"And if it doesn't work?" He poses the question to the group, despite looking only at Sam.
If I become the Soldier again? If I become a monster? They need a contingency plan, a Dead Hand to assure his destruction if he becomes a risk.
no subject
"We'll find something that works."
That's all there is to it. He doesn't follow the implication in Bucky's words, wouldn't want to. No matter how much has changed this is still his friend, not a bad-tempered animal that might need putting down.
no subject
And he doesn't want to do anything to potentially disrupt that trust, because shit if after everything Barnes has been though he's willing to even entertain the notion of trusting Sam, then Sam sure as hell isn't going to take that for granted. But it's that healthy level of caution that has him thinking ’We’ve taken you out more than once before, we can do it again if it comes down to it.’
He doesn’t say it, especially not after Steve’s response, but Sam refuses to feel guilty for it. He’ll do damn near anything to try to prevent it from happening, to protect Barnes, but he's still gonna be practical about it.
"There's always something that works."
It’s genuine, at least, and the fact that Sam honestly believes that bleeds through pretty damn heavy. If there's one thing he learned on his own journey and trying to help others through theirs, it's that there's always hope. He can feel Steve's conflicted feelings, though, and he fixes both of them with a steady gaze.
"I signed on for this, you know." He makes a little face at himself. "All right, no, I guess neither of you really know that, but I did. And if you don't want me around, that's one thing, but I'm not going anywhere just because things got complicated. It ain't in me to give up when shit gets rough.”