serenae: (Default)
serenae ([personal profile] serenae) wrote in [community profile] station722016-07-01 11:12 pm

In The End

CHARACTERS: Carata and others
WHERE: Concordia - Bearings and Elsewhere
WHEN: Day :015 and onward
SUMMARY: For all your calm, chill, cheerfully nihilistic needs.
WARNINGS: Will update as necessary.



(OOC: This will serve as a catchall for anyone who needs Carata for anything! Feel free to throw up a starter or send me a message with a request for one.))
erbier: (Default)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-03 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Discontent sits inside of her like a cancer. A knot of black in the soft swirl of color and noise that would normally make up her presence. A sweet note of decay undermining any expression she might attempt to affect. Her anger, at least, has been quenched. She had flared beyond even her own expectations of herself and now feels singed, irritable, reluctant to socialize, distant. Hiding in the rooftop garden is obvious, but an easy choice to make emotionally. It is quiet there, and calm.

And so has Carata been thus far, Ilde almost doesn't realize that she's there and when she does it is too late to escape her notice. ]
erbier: (pic#10032295)

never 8')

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-09 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
[ She glances at Carata carefully, aware of herself and the emotion that radiates from her like a disease. There is something subtle about the sickly sweet scent of it, something both alluring and repulsive in one. It is alluring to have the power to influence others in that way, repulsive and disturbing that she does so most effectively with emotions like hate and with fear. A poisoned center that touches others when she does not have enough control over herself. The push and pull of her awareness and her lack of desire not to hate Petre is frustrating. ]

Hello. [ A frown, glancing off over the city. ] Shall I go?

[ She should any way, such feelings aren't good for the plants, she firmly believes. She's hurting them as much as she's bleeding out onto anyone whose mind comes close enough. ]
erbier: (pic#10266954)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-18 03:43 am (UTC)(link)
[ She always has a rather sullen look, but it intensifies at the corner of her mouth. Would it have been simply to easy to excuse herself? There was something comfortable in festering in her own self-pity. A potent concoction of of self-disgust and the vibrant uncertainties of a twenty year old girl thrust into a livelihood of experiences she had never expected to partake in. Like crawling out of a grave, all cobweb and dirt and rot. ]

Very well.

[ She decides it would be more unseemly to refuse, and so she comes and she sits. Sour grapes. ]

Tell me of yourself, Carata.

[ Because she is not yet ready to discuss herself. ]
erbier: (Default)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-18 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Seated, she stares off at nothing as she listens to Carata's voice, keeping a precarious balance where she engages neither the physical world nor the ugly seed beneath her breast bone. A kind of trance she is well practiced at, letting the sound of a voice guide her.

Like a murmur, another voice begins beneath Carata's. Masculine and rhythmic, deep and dark. ]


Yes. What world did you come from, how did you live? How long has it been since you left it.
erbier: (pic#10032288)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-28 05:56 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The sea. Still more idea than reality to the girl from the scorched wastes. The imagining of it rises up on her, waves smothering out the fever in her thoughts, releasing steam. Still, the sea makes her hydrophobia pique, a subtle fearful niggling that makes her brows crease inward. She has been taught to swim in the Station's pool, but there is something more horrifying than merely the idea of drowning... Something secret and sinister in the depths.

So at odds with what Carata presents to her. The warm island and glittering expanse. Dissonant, but Ilde takes it for what it is: an example of what her fear does her perceptions. She tenses her jaw, trying to focus through it. ]


Where did you think your life would take you, before all of this?
erbier: (pic#10266973)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-29 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
Death.

[ Certitude, and her meaning is not a euphemistic one. ]

My world was doomed, before the Enemy came to it. I am certain it is gone now, Dreus would never have allowed that scourge to take it.

[ She had been trying not to think about him, but he cannot be erased. The more she frees herself from his poison, the more aware she is of it lingering. ]

It was inevitable. His fires burned more brightly every passing day. I should never have turned twenty one.
erbier: (pic#10266966)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-29 11:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Carata's lack of horror is pleasant. Ilde knows how terrible touching her mind can be... How some recoil from all her memories of scorched earth and a madman. It brings her misery and anger down another notch. ]

Never. Everything was very small, very short.

[ Everything was brutal and dire, it makes it difficult for her to manage her emotions in a life with so much more time and space. To her, Petre was an immediate and terrible threat. Rather than something which could be molded and dealt with. So it lingers. Too hot, too dire. ]
erbier: (pic#10266957)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-30 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Not the first to say it to her. Not the last. Every time Ilde hears the words and understands the sentiment beneath them, and for a moment she thinks perhaps she make it so. But then the doubt creeps in. Fear of herself: a person she has only just begun to know. She had thought that she was so self-possessed, so self-aware, but every moment since she left the burning world has been a direct contradiction to the idea.

She stares at nothing for a moment, and thinks of dying. She has not cried since she was a child, and she most certainly won't begin now, but a vast empty filling exudes from her, the place where that emotion can no longer manifest. An abrupt lack.

A sigh. ]


Yes. I think on this often.

[ But something holds her back from making it a reality. It will come, one day. ]

What do you think your purpose is, now?
erbier: (pic#10267004)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-07-31 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There are so many things troubling her. Her feud with Petre is perhaps more symptom than root cause of it all, and so she is silent for a long moment trying to find the core of it all, to put that into words. Her mouth opens but nothing comes out and she stares out off the rooftop at the city beyond. ]

Everything was laid out before me. I served a great destiny, and in it I could do no wrong. I would die as the one shining example of humanity. Faultless. Untouched.

[ She's twenty years old. Destined to redeem mankind's soul as they all died together in one great glorious burst of fire to atone for all the wrong they had done... Perfection. Martyrdom. They are heavy enough to bear, without now... being free of it all. The freedom is more frightening than anything else. Most of the time. ]

Everything I know was taught to me by a madman who saw me as an angel.

[ She stops for a moment, another place where tears would go if she were emotionally functional but long years of constant anxiety have robbed her of it. She works only in extremes, either this abrupt lack or overflowing with more than she can tolerate. ]

Without him... without his control and his power... [ She's struggling for the words. ] I have to take his place. To myself.

[ She puts her free hand on her chest, staring deeply at Carata, wondering if she understands.

Power. And control. Her inability to feel secure makes her dangerous. ]

erbier: (pic#10266973)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-08-01 03:10 am (UTC)(link)
I'm not alone.

[ She agrees, it's all too true that she has a brood she is close with and others who she cherishes. But what will that do to her, her desire to keep them?

She looks back out over the city. ]


I hate Petre, the blonde boy with the sneer. He is a parasite. Why is that deceiving, flesh-eating little monster considered one of us.

[ Although declaring her hate, her tone is quite calm now. ]
erbier: (pic#10032323)

[personal profile] erbier 2016-08-01 04:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ About the answer she expected honestly and she nods. Really, for the moment she chooses to hold Carata's hand loosely and look out over the city, rather be upset. ]

I am ensnared to him. He has ties to some I value most. I do not worry for Kylo Ren, and I can do nothing to remove him from Angel.

[ So for now they're stuck. ]

I will resolve him, one day.

[ She means fucking kill him. ]
deployed: (Default)

day: 021.

[personal profile] deployed 2016-07-23 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Carata and Prince are both distant figures. Bellamy knows they exist, but he didn't seek either of them out, recoiled from them when he'd first wriggled out of his pod. They are both as strange to him as the other inhabitants of the Nest are, and Bellamy hadn't made much distinction or considered either of them until Lexa had imparted Carata's revelation to him, which is fair motivation to clumsily attempt to seek Carata out. ]

( I need to talk to you, ) [ is the single interjection, clipped in an attempt to keep the tumultuous mess of emotions behind it to himself. ]
deployed: (072.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-07-23 10:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Carata's delight is disarming, completely unexpected. Bellamy's caught momentarily off-guard by it, taken aback by the lax warmth emanating from her. It takes a moment to regroup. ]

( I'll come to you, ) [ The less contact between minds the better. Bellamy continually tells himself that he's less obvious if he isn't speaking directly into someone's head, as if his facial expressions and continued mind bleed aren't just as revealing. ] ( Where are you? )
Edited (omg sweeps html fail under the carpet) 2016-07-23 22:53 (UTC)
deployed: (098.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-07-24 12:34 am (UTC)(link)
[ Her room. Bellamy hesitates, perhaps reconsidering his decision to do this in person or waffling on whether to ask her to come to him. But in the end, he appears in her doorway. ]

I can come back.

[ Uncomfortable, feeling an intruder in spite of how urgent the topic at hand is for him. He's pursuing a dead end. He doesn't doubt what Lexa told him. But he has to at least question further, try and fail rather than sit with the knowledge that he's going to live here and die here, surrounded by the Nest and not by his people. ]
deployed: (Default)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-07-24 01:23 am (UTC)(link)
No.

[ Time wouldn't change anything. Bellamy isn't even sure time could soften the blow of this realization. And he isn't sure she has any answers for him, or even the beginning of a suggestion about how to live with the crush of separation. ]

Lexa told me what you told her.

[ His voice is strained under the effort of keeping himself from raising it. ]

That we can't go back.
deployed: (003.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-07-24 01:49 am (UTC)(link)
I didn't ask.

[ Foolishly, he'd assumed there would always be a way back. This couldn't possibly be permanent. It had been a mistake. He realizes that now. ]

How are you so...calm about it?

[ Lexa had talked about them giving themselves over to the Nest. Was this what it came out to? Complete calm in the face of what Bellamy considered an incredible loss? ]
deployed: (072.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-07-30 01:40 am (UTC)(link)
[ Impossible.

Bellamy doesn't mean to project, but the word swims up, sticks and vibrates between them. Let go of the past? Let go of Octavia? Of Clarke? Of his people? It would be easier to sever an arm. ]


Didn't you have family? How can you just forget about them?

[ What was she, before she was here? ]

I can't be content without them.

[ Though some small part of him wonders, could he? ]
deployed: (095.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-07-31 07:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Who is he without them?

What Carata is presenting is so beyond alien to Bellamy. He doesn't know how to do what she's asking, what feels similar to cutting ties with everything he's ever held dear. Consigning them to memories without any hope of revisiting? Bellamy takes that like a knife to the chest, flinching from it. ]


I don't even know if they're going to survive.

[ It's difficult to be at peace in the face of such uncertainty. Or so Bellamy will try to pretend. It would never be easy, separating himself from his people. But happy isn't even a part of the equation yet. Bellamy can't tell whether or not they're going to be slaughtered at the hands of an AI. ]
deployed: (054.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-07-31 10:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[ How long would it take him to accept things the way she does? Bellamy understands the wisdom of the words, but they feel too far removed from him. It's talking about his life in what feels like an abstract. ]

How can you talk about it like that?

[ Where does she get this level of serenity? It's a calm that Bellamy can't emulate. ]

I need to know if my sister survives.

[ And Clarke. Murphy. Miller and Bryan. Kane. Bellamy's mind stalls at the thought of Pike, but there's attachment there too. He tells himself it's enough that they survive, whether or not he ever sees them again, but truthfully, even that bit of information won't be enough. ]
deployed: (083.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-08-04 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
You make it sound so simple.

[ Though she's right; the complications Bellamy's outlining are self-inflicted, but even knowing that isn't enough to dissuade him from clinging to them. It's in the blood. Bellamy feels everything too deeply, and this loss is no exception.

It is a loss. It's a loss as sure as if he'd died, or if they'd died, or if ALIE had consumed them all. ]


I can't be like you, [ true in more ways than just the immediate reference to her peaceable nature, the seeming acceptance of her severance from wherever she had once come from. ] I don't think it's possible.

[ And he doesn't want it. He doesn't want the Hive to consume him, to be a Host in whatever sense that word means. But he'll skirt around that truth for the moment. ]
deployed: (061.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-08-08 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He wants to ask how. But he recognizes that Carata's not going to have an answer for him. Bellamy looks away from her, arms crossing. ]

Yeah.

[ It feels like defeat. ]

I appreciate the explanation.

[ He's trying hard to keep his tone level, not to explode with anger at Carata. It's not her fault. After everything he's done, the mistakes he's made, Bellamy's trying to be careful in how he assigns blame. He steps backward, angling towards escape. ]

Thanks.
deployed: (094.)

[personal profile] deployed 2016-08-13 10:39 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Being open left room for so much to leak out. All the things Bellamy was ashamed of, all the monstrous and blood-soaked parts of him that he kept hidden, they were never meant to be shared. He studies Carata's face, forcing himself to make eye contact, then inclines his head. ]

Alright.

[ Unlikely, perhaps, but the offer is still appreciated. ]

Thank you.

[ At which point he hightails it out of the room, because who really needs an awkward goodbye? ]